Community post

Enough to Make You Nuts

To be honest, I'm sitting shoulders-deep in a hot Epsom salt and bubble bath because I read online it can bring on a missing period. CD43 is nearly over and I have stopped having those occasional but menstrual-like cramps. I am still bloated, fatigued and all those things that make being a woman glamorous but that horrible witch is hiding in the eaves. Why is it, when I don't want her, she's popping up like a zit but, when I want her, she's strangely nowhere to be found? Gees, anyone else just notice how much Flo resembles their mother-in-law? Lol. But, as I recline here staring at a toy speedboat, beached shark, and squirt gun gifted by a misguided grandparent, I again find myself wondering hopefully. What if this is it? What if what I'm suffering isn't PMS but my body adjusting to a new little parasite (I say that with all the affection in the world)? After last cycle, when I was so sure I argued with my PCP and made a total ass out of myself, I dare not say anything to anyone but you ladies.
In 2009, I had brain surgery. They drilled a hole through my sinus in order to remove a tumor on my pituitary (only the start of my endocrine woes). I am an au natural kind of girl when it comes to meds (if you see me pop anything but my thyroid meds and vitamins, you know it must be bad) so I had to develop a high tolerance for pain early on (maybe it's from having five much older brothers...). Then I was in labor with no medication for twenty-four hours before my midwife insisted on a C-section. In both cases, I refused pain meds after the first week of healing (I weaned myself down every few hours). I only tell you this because it makes it difficult to explain my cramping. Last cycle, I had mild little twinges, even after my PCP gave me the progesterone. I had five days of the lightest bleeding I've ever had since "becoming a woman" and thought this more typical cramping was from a real period revving up to make up for lost time. I rarely cramp before a period anyway but like a boss afterward. What I had up until yesterday was more than a dull, mild pulling or pinching or twinge or whatever. It drew my notice enough to where I put my hand over the area (surely I'm not the only one who does this) but, instead of working up and then winding down, it hurt for less than a minute and just thrummed out. I'm still getting the thrums (like a little person is picking my insides like a banjo) but I'm no longer feeling like AF is just going to pop up. Honestly, did any of you get period-esque cramps in any of your really early pregnancies? Because I don't think I did with DS. By the time I tested, I was 90% sure on the day of my expected period that I was pregnant. I refuse to test though. I see the doctor on Tuesday and I won't to break my heart completely while I am already so worried. I don't feel pregnant, minus the bloating that makes the lower half of my belly poke out like my belly button has a fat lip, but maybe I can let that little hopeful voice make believe another week rather than dwell on what a second failure to appear could mean.
I keep wondering if I have PCOS but, honestly, I lack all the other symptoms. I am not having trouble with my other hormonal processes like hair thickness, skin clarity, or mood swings (I have been cranky but that fits with the PMS stuff). I'm fatigued but, again, PMS and my thyroid disease. None of the extreme symptoms fit either like voice deepening, body hair growth or darkening, or anything. I am down fifteen pounds, which could cause a missing period, but I wasn't last cycle and I've done it the really healthy way (no starving, no medication help, and no exercising, much less overexercising...). It would seem a mighty big coincidence for back-to-back cycles to be this way without some kind of connection. I am just so worried. What if it is a cyst? Or another tumor? Or cancer? What if I'm not ovulating or something and my body is going into perimenopause? Pray for me. I'm losing it

3 Comments • 8 years ago

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