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KarmicDharma

Babies, babies everywhere!

My best friend just had a beautiful baby boy today! I'm so excited for her and I can't wait to meet him. I'm over the part of my ttc journey where I struggle to be happy for those around me who get pregnant and have babies. I spent some time with my cousin's little boy for the first time ever! He is the most beautiful child I have ever seen!!!! I have another cousin due in May and I can't wait to see that little guy or gal too!

I've been here, taking care of my parents for the past seven weeks or so but I had a little reprieve last weekend and got to see Mr. Wonderful. I surprised him with a visit for an extended weekend and we spent almost every moment together. It was great! I figured these past several weeks were a great opportunity to do some research on what kinds of things I can do to optimize my fertility. About three weeks ago I started taking Vitex, N-Acetyl cysteine (NAC), red clover, red raspberry leaf and nettle tea. I was on CD 64 with no sign of af!!! There's still no sign of her but I know it will take some time to get this body working properly again.

I really want this journey to go as naturally and drug free as possible but I am scared that it won't go that way. During my weekend with the hubs he confided in me that he was afraid he was the problem.....I hate to break it to him but if I'm not even having a period, it is not likely that I'm ovulating at all (which is what the bbt and opks are telling me!). I know he could have some issues too, especially since he had an injury to his left testicle the year before we met. He didn't seem to get much treatment for it at all; the hospital kind of blew him off and didn't even ultrasound or check for hemorrhage! So, he is concerned he may have permanent damage which may have led to infertility. I told him we will take it one day at a time. It is all we can do.

I try not to blame myself for not being able to conceive thus far, but some days it is all I can think of....other days, I'm better about not beating myself up. I have been focusing on getting my grad school application completed and restarting my job search for when I get to go home for good this coming weekend. I am super psyched about grad school! Rehabilitation Counseling is calling my name!!!!

Oh, and fuck this snow. For reals. I'm so done with this winter bullshit. I want to walk outside in my tank top and capri pants!! I want to go on a mini vacation for my first anniversary with my husband and I want to tell my mom and dad that they will be grammy and grampy (since my mom has been referring to herself and my dad as my dog's grammy and grampy! HA!!). I'm looking forward to this year and all the possibilities it has. I want my brother to graduate and get a good job, I want my sister to find what makes her happy and let herself have it, I want to feel healthy again, and I want to rock my graduate exams!!! Ugh! So much to hope for and look forward to!

Baby dust to all you beautiful ladies out there. I hope and pray you all find peace, love, and light this year.