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KarmicDharma

One of them days

Today was a rough day. But, this week is a rough week. I'm on call for work...which I hate. I hate the job and I really hate being on call. It was one of those, too good to be true days. All hell broke loose as soon as the on call hours started. Pure hell. And to top it all off, it was the first day of my new class. Didn't get to attend (online) because of the craziness.
Anyway. Yesterday marked the third day of my cycle and the first day of my first letrozole cycle. I did two back to back cycles of clomid last month, developed one big beautiful follicle, never got a positive OPK, and here I am now. This doc doesn't tell me shit. I went into the appointment not knowing what was going to happen. It had been the heaviest, most painful day of this cycle and I was already in a slightly bitchy mood. I was called back and directed to the ultrasound room and became confused. The nurse said she'd be right back and never gave me instructions to disrobe. So I wait. Thinking, surely they aren't planning to shove that thing up there at a time like this! The doc comes barging in with the nurse and some stranger. He asks what's going on and I tell him I have no idea. I'm told I have to disrobe for an ultrasound. I am perplexed and ask "what exactly is happening today?" "An ultrasound" is the reply. "don't you want to start a new round of meds?" "Yes...but" "Well, we have to do an ultrasound to check for cysts." Finally I blurt out, mildly bitchy-like "A VAGINAL ultrasound??" Looking completely shocked, "Yes" I begin to storm out of the room while saying "Well then, I guess I have to switch some things around!" And stomp my quite unhappy ass into the bathroom to relieve myself of the cotton wad currently occupying my lady bits.
I take some time to compose myself because I'm angry and feeling very violated right now. I make it back into the room and disrobe. They've placed what reminds me of a puppy pee pad on the table for me to sit on. More anger and a bit of humiliation. Look, I understand that this is what happens...now I understand it...but I was not mentally prepared for this. I had no idea what I was walking into. I thought I'd get an order for blood work and move on to the new med. I may have been overreacting but I felt pure humiliation, anger, and a bit violated. Yes, I know these things need to be done but a little communication goes a long way. I have not had things explained to me throughout this process and that makes this whole process so much more stressful than it has to be. If I had been there for any other reason, with any other ultimate goal, I would have walked the fuck out and never returned.
My husband didn't get the way I felt. This was also the first appointment he has been able to attend. He was super uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. When I tried to explain it to him, he just tried to tell me that it was all for a good reason....he hasn't learned to just acknowledge my feelings and be there for support. I'm trying guys! But training takes time!