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KarmicDharma

I'm late...not in a good way

I'm always running late. Not intentionally, but it usually happens that I have 300 last minute things I remember before I step out the door. Today is no different. The past 11 months have been up and down, great and terrible. I graduated college, turned 30, and got married...then my mother got cancer, again, and my cycle decided to take hiatus and my husband lost his job. Then hubs got a new job, after a scary first chemo Mom got some good news about her treatment and response to chemo (YAY!). Then, hubs and I found out we need to buy our own health insurance since the new employer doesn't provide any (fuck me).

So, today I find myself struggling to get the motivation to pack up a small portion of my life to trudge across the icy tundra that is called Maryland to get to my parents. You see, Dad has been promising to retire for a few years now because of his ever deteriorating back. Degenerative disks, arthritis, spinal stenosis...yeah, fucking great. A few days ago that decision may have become more real. He was at work and fell off a ladder, breaking both bones in one arm and badly sprained the other arm. Now that he is essentially useless to my mother since he can't drive her to her chemo appointments I've been selected to take care of the two of them for an undetermined amount of time since I am the only one of the children(3 of us) without a job.

I must preface this by saying that I do not mind one bit that I am the one taking care of them. I love them and would be worried if neither me nor one of my siblings could be there to help out. This is our job. However, I know this is going to be a challenging time. My father gets ornery when he has full use of his arms and now that he pretty much has to rely on my and mom for everything.....oh sweet baby Jesus this should be an adventure.

I have found one silver lining...which I thought was a big fat slap in the face at first. The hubs and I will have to take a break from ttc for a bit since we will be almost 400 miles away and he doesn't get vacation time. Now, as badly as I have wanted a little mini hubs or mini me in the past 11 months, you'd think I was crazy for calling this a silver lining. Oh but it is. You see, some of you may know how obsessed you can get and how much pressure you put on yourself to get down and dirty at the exact right time of the month and to wake up every morning and take your temp, piss on so many kinds of sticks you can barely remember which one is a hpt and which tells if you're ovulating, and month after month you finger yourself daily and get no pleasure out of it...at all, and still, no babe to call your own. This obsession is what I'm getting a break from too. Sure I'll keep up with the charting and all that jazz but there's no pressure. There can't be because as wonderful as hubs is in the sack....he's not 400 miles away good. So, I am embracing this new found freedom to have a beer...or 4, and not worry about whether our genitals had enough contact this month and if I'm actually ovulating for a change.
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