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Hurry up and wait!

Our North Carolina vacation was fabulous last week! I saw the ocean for the 2nd time in my life and actually went in the ocean water for the first time in my life! It was a first for my boys on both counts. They had a blast! I won't deny that the entire tme I was down there I had lingering thoughts about what my body was doing. The dreaded 2 week wait was pure craziness in my head!! AF was due yesterday and still no sign but I tested 3 times in the last 4 days and got BFN's! Maybe I ovulated late?? I wouldn't know since I don't track it. I just count back 14 days from the expected start of my next AF. I've had pretty regular 28 day cycles for over a year, even following my MC in April. I did have a D&C but old AF was like clockwork, exactly 2 weeks after the D&C and ever since.

Back in April, after my MC, I was sure I was done trying. I simply couldn't risk going through it again. I'm 37 (in a week or so). I have 2 healthy boys. Daycare would be astronomical! I had every good reason one could come up with for calling it quits. But that baby fever just wouldn't cooperate! Deciding to try again was rough, especially for my husband. He'll be 39 in November and he feels like he's already hit mid-life-crisis stage. Good Lord, does he think he's going to die at 50? He worries way too much, in my opinion, but I get it. He agreed that trying again was not out of the question and WHAM! I jumped right on that wagon!! There was a point in that first cycle where I felt a little crazy. I thought my husband had only caved because he knew it was what I wanted, not necessarily because he felt the same. We talked and he reassured me that he did, in fact, want to try again. Well AF is late by a day, so far, but BFN this morning. I don't really have any symptoms but last night when I came home from work I was so tired I could barely function! I crashed on the couch at 7pm!! My body felt like I had been hit by a train! I got up around 10 and headed to the bed. I didn't sleep too well but I figured as much when I fell out at 7! That 'brick-wall-fatigue' is sometimes a sign that AF is rearing her ugly head. :-(

Around the time I started to O with this cycle, I did have some symptoms. I was super tired, had an empty feeling even after I ate, had weird cramps in my right ovaries, and my emotions were all over the map. Everything subsided by CD18 or so. But I never had sore boobs....which has always been a tell tale sign of pregnancy for me. For the last week or so, no symptoms. But I was a little preoccupied with vacation too. :-) I hope this is our month. I kind of feel that at my age, this might be our last chance. Someone said there are 132 days until Christmas. That means I have 138 days left to conceive. Santa, if you can hear me, all I want for Christmas is a BFP!!

So here I sit, CD 29, no sign of AF and a BFN. I just want the little read headed AF to show her nasty face so I can start a new month of waiting. Hurry up, AF! I can't WAIT!! Let the countdown begin!!

3 Comments • 11 years ago

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