Community post

"Though experts estimate that up to 70 PERCENT of all conceptions are chemical, most women who experience one don't even realize they've conceived...medically, a chemical pregnancy is more like a cycle in which a pregnancy never occurred than a true miscarriage. Emotionally, for women...who tested early and got a positive result, it can be a very different story."
- What To Expect When You're Expecting, 4th edition, pgs 17-18.

I quote that to suggest that maybe chemical pregnancies happen more often than you think, and being on a TTC website, consider that many of these women test early. Whether they post their faint positive to the world or not is their business. I can say, being a woman that's had a few chemicals/ MCs- enough they classified my pregnancy with my son as high risk- that no one has ever offended me by saying they had a chemical pregnancy. I guess I never look into it to find out if they're lying, but frankly I don't care that much.

I know it happens a lot, what I mean are the people that post on their negative test in the gallery that they had a chemical or people who just go off of symptoms to say they had one. Symptoms are not a good indicator to tell if you are or aren't pregnant because the mind is a powerful thing. But there are people that go on and on about their symptoms, how they just know they are pregnant but their tests say otherwise and when people try to tell them not to go off of symptoms they get mad and argue and then when af shows they don't want to admit they were wrong so they say they had a chemical. If someone truly believes they had one, I'm not talking about them.

Testing early is the worst! I had a chemical preg a few months ago. It really set me for a loop. I think that people shouldn't test early cause it sets them up for heartache but I still test early cause I am a testaholic. UGH

Ah, I see. I guess I just always scrolled over those, heh. I specifically skip any kind of test that isn't the brand I've purchased (for instance in the positive gallery, or one of the DPO's) because I'm only interested in what the one I bought is going to look like. I wish they could refine the filter just a bit more so you could look up "positive: FRER: 9DPO" rather than just 'here's a random bunch Clearblue positive, negative, and a few ovulation tests sprinkled in, from every test ever on 12dpo- yayyyyy'. -_-

I'm all for being sensitive and PC - there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be offensive to others. However, I feel somewhat indignant about the assertion that how one person's claim that they had a "chemical" trivialises or discredits another woman's miscarriage.

To say that someone had a chemical pregnancy does not attack or debase the thoughts, feelings or experiences of the one who had the heart rending experience of having lost a child.

If someone were to accuse a woman who had a miscarriage of lying and saying that they had a chemical pregnancy - THAT would be a completely different ballgame (and I would think that the members of the community would join with me in demanding that the accuser recant such a statement and apologise for their insensitivity... or reported them if they refused to do so).

That isn't what is happening; what is happening is women are speaking in what is supposed to be a mutually supportive environment where they feel safe and accepted for who they are and what they are going through.

Unless, of course, people accuse them of lying and try to silence. We are human beings talking about personal experiences we are each dealing with on a very personal basis. No one has any right to tell anyone else that they are being untruthful without any prior knowledge of them or their situation.

But that's just my opinion.

I see what your saying. That's not really what I'm trying to do, accuse an individual person. But when a person says month after month that they had a chemical when they have never had a positive test it gets kind of obvious. I would never tell a person that they didn't have a miscarriage that is not what I meant by this post. You don't think it's rude for someone to say they had a miscarriage when there is no proof since all of their tests are negative most of the time because they argued with someone about how they just know they are pregnant and don't want to have to admit they are wrong. I've seen it happen quite a bit. This isn't about anyone individually, it's just a general observation.

I see where you're coming from, but we're dealing with a very narrow window into people's lives here. I would rather believe them than not - no one really knows unless they are physically there, see what I'm saying?

For all we know, they just didn't take a picture of their test, or maybe they didn't want to show everyone for fear of jinxing themselves. We can't really say, but rather than assume that, in a general sense, people are lying about what they are experiencing in their own bodies when we do not even know one another... yeah,on this one I'd rather err on the side of benevolence and give the benefit of the doubt, you know?