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CD 52.....cautiously optimistic.

Ok, I am writing this at risk of jinxing myself. But I just need to let it out and acknowledge my feelings.

First things first...I just go emotional over some missing hot Cheetos and the fact that someone in the house ate all of my cheese puff-corn and I didn't get a single one. Not mad emotional, but I cried.

Alright, here goes.
So the longest I have ever gone without a period without a BFP is 50 days, but I believe that I did have a chemical pregnancy that time. I am now on CD 52 and not even cramping, then I was cramping constantly.

I have had aches and pains, but it was really different than the relentless PMS stuff, it has come in waves instead, usually after a lot of activity.

Also, I have had some breast tenderness. Not like the PMS soreness that I usually get, but real pain in the nipple and areolas when light pressure is applied and fleeting aches in the breast tissue randomly.

And about breasts....I have veins all over them, my chest, and my arms. They are thick winding bright blue veins that create a network that makes its way to a shadow or dark outline of my areolas.

Then there is the sickness. Sometimes it is light nausea, sometimes it is severe indigestion, sometimes it is a lump in the throat that won't go away. or a sour stomach.

There is pelvic pains that occur mostly on the right, and my abdominal muscles in general hurt.

Some days I have an abundance of creamy CM other days just a little.

Some nights I get intense cramps in my calves and feet.

And also experience dizzy spells randomly.

All of this...and I am terrified to test. I cannot see another negative, I refuse to see one. I have a dollar store test just sitting in my purse, but I always talk myself out of it, I tell myself, "Just wait a little longer, until you know for sure your period isn't coming..." but I never know for certain. I am so worried that the moment I utter the words "I th__k _'m pr__n__t," that it will be snatched away. But who wouldn't think it?

Just typing this out, I feel cramping, wet, and like AF is coming, just to spite me. I wish my uterus and I could just get along!

2 Comments • 9 years ago

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