Community post

Not Feeling Myself

I'm just not feeling myself today. I'm nauseous, my head is achy, my sinuses are a wreck from all the pollen and grass. I'm moody, and I just feel like crying. No particular reason- it just feels like a good idea to bawl my eyes out. I need a shower, but I'm too tired to care. I can't decide if I have to throw up or not, and all I want is my bed. I know I could go back to bed- my daughter has school, my DH is at work, so I'm good to go back to sleep if I choose to. I just don't feel like it.

I'm comforting myself with some laptop bonding time, and a marathon of America's Next Top Model on Hulu Plus. Shallow, but I could care less. I enjoy shallow TV when I don't feel well. It takes me out of myself, and maybe that's what I need today.

I ordered a bunch of pregnancy test strips and they came yesterday. I was so excited, barely able to force myself to put them away. I'm only 4 DPO, so testing would just be a waste of materials, so I reached for that inner strength and put them away for at least a week, maybe more.

But today I can't be excited. There's a ripple of fear, the doubt that I'll ever see that second line. I'm afraid of 'that time of the month,' so sure that I'll just keep dealing with the disappointment. It makes me wonder... is this normal? Does every woman TTC feel this horrid doubt and fear?

0 Comments • 10 years ago

0 0 0 0