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My BFP
And then it happened.
Two pink lines. I didn't have to squint, or hold it up to a lamp, or even question what I was seeing anymore. One line, two line and that's all that mattered.
My heart over flows with gratitude and pure joy. I couldn't hold back the tears as I walked into my bedroom to tell my husband the news. We both are so happy and the moment is so beautiful. We are expecting a baby. Our baby. This moment is more precious than any amount of money in the world. In that moment, I felt a surge of hope, a new sense of belonging and God's blessing in my world.
BUT. Then I think about the last time I got those two pink lines and how it ended so soon and my heart was left broken. I didn't move for days and my stomach was in knots for weeks. I felt alone and depressed. People said the wrong things and it made me angry. Truth was, there was no right thing to say. I felt like I was broken or defective somehow. All of these feelings however untrue they were - felt very real to me. It was a hard time for me.
Fast forwarding to now, I feel a whirlwind of emotions. I feel joyful yet nervous. I feel hopeful yet cautious...part of me wants to remain guarded...as if somehow that would make the pain less painful if I have to go through that again. Truth is, being guarded or fearful now won't help me cope in the future. It only steals my joy now. It steals this very moment that I so want to enjoy- that I deserve to enjoy.
So, today I choose to enjoy my pregnancy despite the fear. I want to soak up every second of it. I want to think about how the nursery is going to look decorated in Dr. Seuss decor and if my baby will have his daddy's blue eyes or his mommy's small upper lip. Will you be a baby boy or baby girl? Wonderful thoughts to have.
Truth is, we become mothers in our hearts when we see those pink lines. If you're reading this and you've been through a loss or more...hang in there. I'm pulling for you and I'm praying for rainbows after the storm.
Xo
9 Comments • 7 years ago • Edited
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Comments
Beautiful post. I have been following you in the December babies forum and hoping for you. I just had a MC last week at 6w6d. I haven't had the courage to speak up yet on the forum but I am watching everyone, (I was in the October and November babies too) and eager to start trying again. It was my second MC and I know the worry you are talking about, but the moment you get the lines it is a total rush of emotions. All you can do is take care of yourself. Just think positive thoughts and day by day remind yourself today I'm pregnant. Congrats and healthy 9 months!
7 years ago
Thank you Ladies for your kind words. XO
@Hdc5092 - 22 weeks pregnant! That's lovely. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months. XO I know it's hard to not think the worst sometimes, but I think if we take this day by day, we will be ok.
@secallender - Thank you. I do remember you from this site. :) I am so sorry about your MC. I'll be thinking of you and pulling for you.
7 years ago • Post starter
Mama to #littlemissgoo
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