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First Journal Entry - TTC #1 Makin' Some Changes

For those of you who have followed my TTC journey- you know it’s been an emotional roller-coaster ride. I never knew TTC would be so emotionally charged and all these feelings would weigh me down.

This is my 7th cycle TTC baby #1. In that time I had 1 MC and a false positive test (don’t use easy at home HCG tests they give false positives). I have been able to move on from the MC with the support of all the ladies here on this website and also with the support family and friends. I am truly blessed for all of you.

I never knew how obsessive I could be until TTC – I now obsess over every symptom, every cramp, all stomach movement and all pee is valuable. LOL POAS addict over here…squinting over every possible line – line eyes is a real thing. I’ve suffered from it once or twice. Sex used to be way more fun and spontaneous – and now it’s become rather a means to an end. My husband has referred to himself as my “sperm donor” at times (only half joking). This is what the journey has become!! It doesn’t at all sound appealing anymore. It’s time for a change of heart.

So I’ve made some real changes this cycle. My biggest change is releasing the control (the testing, the obsessing) and acting in FAITH. I am a faith believer and although it hasn’t been easy – I am doing it one day at a time. I am about 2DPO (this is an average based on previous cycles, no OPKs used lol) and I am feeling pretty good. My DH and I BD a lot more because the pressure wasn’t there. We didn’t just schedule it in during my fertile week – we were eager to do so all month! I have come to terms with the fact that it might take a little longer, but I might as well enjoy the ride a little more!

For those ladies reading this – I am not saying this method is best for all – I am just at a point where I can’t take the pressure anymore. You gotta do what works for you. I am so rooting for all of you! This TTC is not for the faint of heart! XO Amarah

2 Comments • 7 years ago

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