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themrsgoo

DPO12 - BFN

Although I still have an inkling of hope that I can still get a positive in the next few days, I'm starting to think that I'm out this month. It would be AWESOME, but if it's not what God has intended for us, then so be it.

This morning as I walked to the bathroom to POAS, I thought that it would be possible that I could see a second line, but it was stark white on the other side of that control line. It seems silly just sitting there staring at a stick to tell you if you're going to harbor a tiny human for 8ish months, but I did it. It was like I was going to attempt using telepathic superpowers and tell the stick to give me that second line. I didn't really wait more than 5 minutes, but no need to sit there waiting for the second to show up if it wasn't, right? I think there's a point where we just "give up" and throw the thing away, but isn't that like defeat? It's sad but we have to remember we can't will anything to happen. That's not how this whole thing works - yet we all do it! Crazy, isn't it? Our earthly flesh is the worst.

So here I think, half awake, my first pregnancy (MC) I had a faint positive on the evening of dpo11, so maybe my LP is longer now that I'm on clomid and hcg trigger? We will see, but I'm not so sure now. I haven't really felt super woozy either but I AM tired, bloated and still have a stuffy nose. I'm trying to think of anything that would justify why I'm not pregnant this month. Oh yeah, because although we ask and ask and ask for things throughout our lives, a lot of the time that answer is, "Yes, but not yet," or even, "No, I have something even BETTER in mind for you."

I wish there was a way I could see inside my uterus and take a peek at whatever's going on in there. I'm still feeling pinches on the right and aches on the left side, but I'll have to keep my trust in Him and rely on His perfect timing. If the BFN stays and AF comes, we will be on to the next month, a new year, a fresh slate. 2016 was disappointing but I hope that 2017 is a year of happy blessings.

I'm going to keep praying this is all just me doubting and not that this is our month, but that I know He will deliver to us what we need when we need it. I'll be praying for any other ladies reading this too that you don't rely on yourselves to get that BFP, but that you trust in the Lord to give you what He has planned! We don't deserve anything in this life and the fact that we're already given so many blessings is a miracle in itself! I hope you all are able to take some time to meditate on this Christmas/Advent season and that through Jesus' first coming, we are SAVED, and we await his second coming! Come, Lord Jesus!