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1Wish430

What was Eve's Real Punishment

I thought the punishment God gave Adam & Eve the apple since she ate it women were to bear the babes. What happened to this punishment I want this... again. My hubs and I have been TTC for almost 18 months. (I haven't used BC in over 10 years) There has seemed like there might have been a couple possible chemicals in there but never the full BFP. This month (Apr 15') I tried to not stress and track like a crazy lady. Sure I took some OPK's to get a general idea of ovulation, tossed in a baby dance, but just tried to go with the flow. I have this huge fear if we really stopped trying that would be the month. so some months I just mark CD1 estimate O day and see what happens. About 7 wks ago my hubs got laid off, (he had the choice to leave or have another guy leave but thte other guy's kid has cancer and he didn't want him to lose his insurance + his boss said it should only be for a couple months.) Well after the layoff we took a couple get away just happened to hit O wasn't doing much about it but BD all weekend. Since then I've have nausea/ gagging off and on and what not. So I thought whoo hoo! That was until 3/30 I got a light period that finished on 3/31. So...moving on next O day to be around 13-14 of April. BD right around there. SO... still feeling ill and come 7DPO extreme exhaustion didn't think anything of it. 9DPO yesterday late afternoon I go the restroom, wipe and glaced out of habit. THERE IT WAS... "That's implantation bleed/CM, it has to be!, Right color, Right amount, Most common day for implant!" I tell myself it's like nothing I have had before, AF not due for another week at least. My heart was overjoyed this had to be it, no question. (of course I question it though, questioned the hell out of myself, how would I really know). That was the only time I spot my hopes got higher, I started pray & praising God and talking to my peaunt still with fear I was just plan crazy. But I was a happy crazy. Woke up this morning hadn't had any cramps, but was still nervous about wiping. Morning goes by I'm still good. Less than an hour ago I could feel my heart break. Red streaky spotting...not a lot but enough to break my heart. I think when I end up in the car on the way home the tears are going to drown me I'm doing every thing I can to not cry since I'm still at work and I don't want to share my "symptom obessions" with everyone. I know God has his plans for me and with all my pieces of my heart I want to stay positive but it leads me to ask Eve got to bear children so wheres the real punishment? I feels like punishment is the TTC and it not happening or seeing the ladies (not to put anyone down) but the ladies who don't need more kids (i.e. can afford, drug addicts situation along those lines, or ones who just don't wan to be preggo). Trying to keep my head up and go with what God has planned but (insert cuss word) it's hard. Good luck to all of us who are still fighting the good fight. Congrats to you lucky lovelies who received your miracle.