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I hope you and M are able to keep an open dialogue going so that he knows you love him and care. Just because he isn't living with you, and because you've said you refuse to have a revolving door (good for you by the way) doesn't mean you still can't support him in his life or help to guide his choices. You can still be there for him.

I hope that he figures out quickly what he wants his life to be and make good decisions to have that happen.

*hugs*

Dear Melissa: I too have been thinking about you all weekend. What you are going through right now is just gut-wrenching and heart-breaking. I do believe that you are incredibly strong and that you will heal and pick up yourself and will go on to have another baby! All of my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. Big, big hugs to you!

Melissa - Thanx for the *hugs* I have had plenty of time to greive over my loss. Id like to say you get over it sort of thing but you never forget. It does get easier to deal with. Ive had 2 chemical as well over the last few months.

Chin up hun I know its easier said than done. You will get there.

I'm crying again today. I know it'll be back and forth for awhile, so today I'm tucking myself back into bed with permission to cry.

Melissa - absolutetly take care of yourself and have a day in bed. I am so sorry you are feeling down. I really wish I had the right words to say or that I could give you a giant hug!

I am so sorry I have been MIA. We had 20 people over all together in the last 2 days. Will get into it in a bit.

Melissa- Please don't think that I didn't care to check in. I literally just sat down this morning. I have been thinking about you all weekend. I can only imagine how painful this is emotionally. Life really is unfair and we ask ourselves "why?" when so many women do get pregnant while making poor choices in life. I don't know how religious you are and I don't know how you will take this...and this isn't easy for me to say because I have been very angry with God myself at times, I hope that you can believe that God has a plan for you. I don't know why you have to suffer so much to get there but I know he is going to protect you and give you all that you deserve and more. This is very hard to believe now...I know. I cried so much when reading your post. I wish we could all be there right next to you. I am glad you are not giving up but giving yourself time. Having a plan is great. Praying for you. Very big hugs.

Jessh- Sometimes things do need to happen for you to realize things in life. Have you tried talking to M after he left? I know it hurts to see someone you care about make unhealthy choices in life...especially when what you say/do doesn't seem to help. I really hope that M figures out what he is doing wrong. You said that you are 10dpo, are you going to test?

Shea- Hope all is well. I wish I could be as busy as you are with school. Although I am done with school and have my teaching credentials, I really wanna take child development classes to be able to teach pre-k in the future. I should look into it.

Kraken- I am so sorry to hear that you lost your baby at 20 weeks. I didn't know. It must have been the most difficult thing to deal with in life. I am glad you and Melissa are staying strong and not giving up.

Nancy, Margaret, Victoria- You ladies are getting so close. Hope you are all feeling well.

AFM: Melissa I hope you don't think that I am being insensitive bringing up my problem. I only have you guys to vent. I know you guys might think that this is nothing compared to what you all are going through and that I am just bitching and complaining and making a big deal...

Here is what normally happens in the mornings:

Dh and I never eat together...ever...unless we have people over. When I am up before him and he is asleep and I know he is gonna be asleep for a while I eat something quick in the morning. Usually though, he gets breakfast first. The first thing he wants when he is up is breakfast. Groing up in an Armenian family, this is typical, the woman cooks a lot. His mom had 2 boys so he is very spoiled that way. Luckily I like to cook and don't mind. Here is what I am getting to, every morning, I make him breakfast before feeding myself. This is the same with any meal actually. So if I am hungry or starving, he eats first. And he doesn't just get like a bowl of cereal or like a piece of toast and jam with juice. It's like hash browns, eggs and sausage and stuff like that! Sometimes, I even take it to bed for him just for it to be nice since he is constantly working long hour shifts. I just always eat after him because I know that he has to have his breakfast!

Here is what happened this morning. Consider that I have been on my feet for 2 days cooking, cleaning the house and getting everything ready for our guests that came over during the weekend. Since dh had 6 days off, I thought it would be nice to have some friends and family over. ( I know that I have no room to complain about that though because I am the one who invited them over). Ok so once again, here is this morning scenario and exactly what happened:

Dh and I get up around the same time. He takes the dog out to pee. I call my mom to see if she'll go to the doc appointment with me tomorrow. I walk into the living room. Dh is on the laptop checking something. I was starving. Really really hungry. Walked up to him and said I am gonna have some cereal, I am really hungry, what would you like to eat. He was preoccupied with the laptop so didn't answer. I pulled up the stool that was in the kitchen and poured some cereal for myself (thinking I should really eat, I feel light headed and nauseous). So I was eating really quickly on the stool. I thought of the baby and that it is not a good thing that I let myself starve. Dh turned around after 2 minutes and said:

"What about me, how about breakfast for me? Do I get anything?"

I said: "I knew you were gonna say that but I just thought I would eat first for like 5 minutes because I am just really really hungry and I also asked you what you wanted and you didn't say anything. Plus, don't you know I always feed you first, always? What is so wrong with me eating a quick bowl of cereal?"

Dh: " Oh ok, I see how it works., from now on, I will also put myself first and take care of me first instead of going outside to chop wood for us."

Me: "My head was spinning and I really wanted to eat something, usually, I eat my cereal as I am cooking for you but this time I decided to seat down for 5 minutes because I knew that my husband wouldn't starve to death and believe me I would have done that either if I wasn't pregnant."

Dh: Sarcastically tells me to go to the bedroom and sleep since my head is spinning.

Me: "Why are you acting like this because I simply wanted to eat for 5 minutes...thinking about the baby".

Dh: Made some type of comment like nothing would have happened to me or the baby...which is not the point.

My whole reasoning behing this was that when it comes to taking care of myself, as far as health, I need to put myself first for the baby. And I don't even do this all the time. In fact, I never do this.

This is bothering me a lot. I told him that he is wrong and that I am leaving the house. I know it seems like it was a small argument but he n

continued...

And it is my responsibility to take care of her well while she is inside of me. He doesn't even understand that when I am upset, I get cramps. And if I am upset then the baby is upset. So I left the house for him to MAYBE understand but he thinks I am wrong. He let me walk right out the door, like it was nothing. He will rarely apologize for anything and he thinks he is right 99 percent of the time. I am at the library in our town. When I go home later, he won't even talk to me until I say I am sorry but this time I am not going to. For the sake of our girl. I am not going to. Sometimes, he tells me that it is ok to carry stuff even when they are heavy FOR ME. As in heavy for pregnancy. He says that I am just being so picky about everything and that I am just a wus. If I had the strength to do it and knew that he would understand what he did wrong, I would go stay at my parent's house until he apologizes but I know he won't. He has way too much pride. I know this may seem like a stupid little argument to you guys but do you think I did something wrong. I put myself first for once...only because I am carrying a baby. Why can't he understand that. Especially knowing, I cook all the time and have him eat first. I think he is wrong 100% or at least approached it the wrong way. Why couldn't he have said: Babe, I am really hungry, could you make me something as soon as you're done?

Going home is gonna suck later but I am ready to tell him that if he wants to act this way, then our relationship will be a lot different from now on and that I will ACTUALLY be selfish so that he can see what he was really missing. Why put me under stress like this? I have been crying all morning but I am gonna put my foot down,no matter what it takes. If I have to leave the house. I WILL leave the house. It wasn't a piece of cake getting pregnant. The baby is my priority. No matter how happy I am with everything else in our relationship.

Nat,

I think you are right to be angry and you are definitely in the right to feed yourself and the baby first. He's going to have to get used to waiting or helping himself because once that baby is here, SHE will be the one who will need to be fed first, and if you are breast feeding you will be unable to serve him.

As it is, he should be telling you to go sit and rest and getting you your meals, not the other way around. He's in for a terribly rude awakening. He can not be this selfish anymore, period. And further to what he said about taking care of himself first in the future before getting firewood etc., I bet if he was so hungry he was dizzy, he'd eat something before he chopped the wood.

Stand your ground now, and try to make him see reason, because it will be 10 times harder once the baby is here.

My husband is also very selfish, but he ended up cooking and cutting up my meals so I could eat one handed when our DD was a newborn. Id have starved otherwise.

*hugs* and good luck.

Nat - Wow. I don't think you should minimize that argument at all. It's weird, my family and I were talking about something this weekend that kind of relates to this. The main idea of of our talk was that people (including spouses) will treat you as bad as you allow them to treat you. I know this may be a cultural difference, and I don't mean to offend AT ALL, but it would be a cold day in hell before I ever made a big breakfast for my hubby before feeding myself and the baby. In fact, hubby is the one that makes ME food. I feel like the selfish one in my marriage sometimes for sure. But we both know how important it is to take care of our baby.

I think you were too nice to him. What prevented him from getting up off his butt to make his own breakfast if he was sooooo starving? (REALLY trying not to offend but I am mad for you!) I'm not sure if I am the best person at conflict resolution but I would probably stop making him breakfasts for a while so he can see how fortunate he is to have such a caring, selfless, wife. I am giving you this advice from the perspective of the selfish one in my marriage. If my husband doesn't tell me off every once in a while, its easy to forget that he has feelings too and I'll inadvertently take advantage of his generosity.

However you decide to deal with this one thing is a MUST. YOUR BABY TAKES PRIORITY OVER BOTH OF YOU. And for now, that means you need to eat when you are hungry. I'm sure your dh realizes this, he was just being so stubborn he didn't want to admit he was wrong. I'm sorry you are going through this. You are much more calm about things than I am. I would have gone ballistic.

Jess - I'm soooo sorry about M. You did the right thing though. You can't have him coming and going as he pleases. If he lives with you, he has to obey your rules. That is best for you, your dh, and him as well.

Kraken - I'm soooo sorry to hear about your late pregnancy loss! Hugs!

Melissa - Still thinking about you. Hugs.

Nat - I agree with other girls. Do not minimize it. Stand your ground. While it may be culturally acceptable to him you need to think how it will impact your little girl. Will it be viewed as weak? Will she choose a man that she is afraid to stand up to? Feeding yourself before him is MINIMAL in the scheme of things. He is blessed that you cook all the meals and alllow him to eat first. It is a blessing not a mandatory thing. Love you girl and stand your ground.

Ok...and me. M's probation officer is giving him 2 weeks in jail and making it so he has to live with us until end of 18 months. We are okay with it because I was so upset when he left.

ALSO has anyone had experience with the 88 cent walmart hpts? Last night I took one and thought saw something. So I tested again this morning. I am sure I saw the faintest of faint lines. But DH couldnt see it. It is a squinter for sure. I have cramps though so not sure. No spotting. Bbs and nips back to hurting. So here is to hoping and praying...I am going to start lovenox tonight and call for beta tomorrow if positive still...