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BFP Yesterday, BFP Today, Heartbroken. Just need kind words.

(Sorry in advance this is the whiniest thing ever... I don't know what's come over me.)

I don't really know what I need to hear. I'm just really lonely and I have no one in my life who I can talk to about this, so I guess anything from someone who understands what this feels like. All my friends either NEVER want babies or got pregnant without trying, my husband wouldn't care if we got pregnant this month or next year, it's all the same to him and he thinks I shouldn't worry so much. My mom gives the worst advice in the world (the only thing she's ever contributed when I've talked about TTC is "babies don't come with receipts so you better be sure you want one"... thanks, Mom). Grandma and MIL both get uncomfortable and change the topic, they'll only want to hear when I AM pregnant. So... I'm basically as alone as it gets.

Anyway, we've been TTC since October. This cycle I swear I felt different. This time was the only time I felt what had to be implantation pains, my boobs actually hurt when they never did before, I was fatigued beyond belief, weird irregular acne, etc.

Yesterday (11dpo) with FRER 6 days sooner FMU I got two pink lines within a minute. It was really faint but in the right spot and DEFINITELY there. Is it possible to be an evap when it showed up right away, and it's such a pretty pink color?

Anyway, I was so excited all day, I bought a baby book to surprise my husband in a few days when I could be SURE (thankfully I didn't tell him). I didn't tell anybody.

This morning I was so excited to test again, but I ran three tests from the same FMU (clearblue digital, Wondflo cheapo, and another FRER 6DS) and... all three blank.

Devastated. I've been horribly sad all day, more than ever before. I was hoping maybe I'm just emotional bc I actually AM pregnant? I'm almost never THIS emotional, even when I'm PMSing. Sobbed all the way home, thinking about how cruel it is to get a BFP for nothing. So, I came home today and tried again on 4 hr hold, 1 Wondflo, 1 FRER 6DS. Blank again. So I'm pretty sure my sadness is just a legitimate response to not being pregnant and not a hopeful sign that I could be pregnant.

So... AF hasn't shown up yet, but I'm too sad and hopeless to think she won't. She'd be due in a few days.

Thanks for reading this, and please comment with ANYTHING, honestly, I just need to hear that I'm not alone and anything you say will help. Thank you so, so much. If I didn't have you ladies I don't know what I'd do.

4 Replies • 8 years ago

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