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Trying to Stave off Insanity

Category: Trying to Conceive - TTC My First Child
Posted by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 2, 2012 9:30pm

So I guess I've been here for almost and year and have more or less just used the calendar and tracking tools. Time to step out of my box so I stop feeling like I'm alone when I know I'm not.

I was crushed when AF showed up yesterday morning.
Then today we got word that our best friends who were TTC #2 have already achieved success after just a month or 2.

There is no comparison. All the bloodwork, HSG, DH's stuff has all come out perfect. Nothing is physically or hormonally an issue.

LEEPS many years ago may be a partial road block - so tomorrow I take my first Femera pill as we prepare for IUI hopefully soon.

My cycles in the last 10 months have ranged from 32 to 40 days. THe Idea of ovulating in the teen days versus the twenties seems surreal. I am hoping to make some new friends and to be able to share success and maybe learn some ways to keep my mind occupied. We are going to a wedding this coming weekend - we won't be able to be active much while away - which is a bit frustrating. But I will be hopeful.

We will achieve a BFP in 2012. I can do this without going crazy.

Thanks for letting me Babble


Posts: 45
Reply by Beatricebythesea » Jul. 3, 2012 7:54pm

Hi BeccaLynn! You aren't alone! Taking a glass half full perspective, at least you are entering the part of your cycle where there are things you can do! Are you temping? That makes me feel like I have some control. And you can always control when you BD!

It's the TWW that sucks most. I'm just entering mine now. I'm ovulating today, so maybe I have one last chance to BD. But my honey is a cop, and this is the busiest time of year for him (lots of drunks doing crazy things with fireworks tonight). So when he comes home in the middle of the night to crash, I'll probably have to jump him!

I'm really sorry about your friend... That sounds terrible to say, as it should be good news that she is pregnant. But I completely understand how you feel. My best friend got pregnant on the first time she ever tried to... Not just the first month, the first and only BD without protection! Then baby number two was the exact same thing. In retrospect, I am so jealous.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. And any time you need to vent, we will listen!!


Posts: 108

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 10, 2012 1:01pm

Thank you Beatricebythesea -

This weekend was interesting- was out of state at a family wedding and got to see bother and sister-in-law and get their "inside" story.

It is good to know I am not alone. My sister-in-law is TTC #1 also and having the same things done as me right now. Sounds like things are more extensive perhaps for them than what I am dealing with. I don't want the brother's to compete. And right now I can calmly say I'm not competing.

My view of the process of getting help, of getting pregnant and what to expect is dead opposite of Sis-in-law. I'll take joking, friendly open dr. office over efficiency any day. All I can do is take deep breaths, and let nature take its course. Finished Feremara treatment on Saturday - waiting for a Positive OPK and then in we go for IUI. Little nervous about all this - hard not to think that Sis-in-law is doing the same stuff as me right now.

She is doing morning monitoring and much higher doses of meds and has shots. Things I honestly don't understand right now as not what I'm going through. I did my best to smile and nod and go okay I may learn from this and it could be me eventually.

Argh.... life is never dull and family is the biggest challenge out there.


Posts: 45

Reply by Beatricebythesea » Jul. 10, 2012 4:33pm

Wow, I can't believe that you both are going through such similar trials at the same time. It's too bad that your perspectives on getting through it are so different. She might have been even more of a comfort to you. But you sound like you are in a great place right now. I think you are very brave and reasonable about your course of action. I've heard that IUI is quite successful for many women. I hope that you are one of them! Please let me know how it goes! I can help distract you when you enter the dreaded TWW!

AFM, I'm in my TWW right now. I'm on day six post ov. I'm not feeling much of anything unusual in my body, so it's hard to get too excited about the possibilities. But I'm feeling more optimistic in general. I read a wonderful memoir called Three Wishes about three women who had decided to use artificial insemination to have a baby on their own. Each one in turn got the sperm and then ended up meeting someone and getting pregnant. It was really a very positive book. And it made me feel like a young 'un to be only in my late thirties!

I'm sending thoughts of relaxation and positive energy to you as you prepare for IUI! Good luck!


Posts: 108

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 15, 2012 4:15pm

Hello Beatricebythesea
So here's the latest. When I went in for the Ultrasound on Thursday - my maturing follicle was only at 17mm and endometrium was only at 5mm... Nurse said things were not where they wanted them and I was to pick up an Ovidrel Shot and we scheduled an IUI for 10am on Monday.

Well my body apparently decided this was not going to happen that way. I felt really weird Friday night.... Hubby had gone out drinking with friends and I was in a mood that would not go away. I was still awake at 3am. Really didn't put much into it... just weirdness.

Saturday we had a wedding to go to - it was a 2.5 hour drive from home and we were meeting my father-in-law for breakfast. So I did my OPK sooner rather than later. It was Positive. I called the doc's office and left a message. The resulting phone call "Okay don't take the scheduled shot and we'll see you at 8am on Sunday."

Well it is now 3:11pm on Sunday. I spent most of the morning grinning like there was no tomorrow. I've been sitting with my feet up playing on the line and trying to get motivated to work on my co-worker's baby afghan. My brain is at peace and while I have a small amount of cramping - perhaps just from teh catheter for the the IUI - I am feeling okay wit things.

Fingers are definitely crossed

As I hope that I am visited by the fairy.

How is your TWW going? If I am thinking right you are on day 10 - how are you doing? and thank you.

I'm now officially on the TWW.. argh... now to not over think that fact.


Posts: 45

Reply by Beatricebythesea » Jul. 15, 2012 4:47pm

WOW! WOW! WOW! I can't believe everything you have been through this weekend! That's amazing, and I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling peaceful! Now, if only that can last through the TWW!!

Personally, I really am coming to hate the TWW. During the follicular phase, I can track my ovulation and time BD just right. It's the waiting that gets to me in the TWW. I'm at 11dpo, and I feel like I'm out for the month. I got a BFN this morning, and I'm feeling AF cramps coming on. My AF is due Thursday, and I think she'll be right on time. I remember how when you started this post, you commented that you felt crushed when AF came last month. That's how I felt today. Somehow I just know it didn't happen this month. But I did console myself by making a big purchase... I bought one of those Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitors from Amazon. I'm going to try this this coming month. Hopefully, when you get your BFP in ten days, I'll be shortly behind you!


Posts: 108

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 15, 2012 4:56pm

*Hugs* Beatrice it'll work out. That heart sinking feeling when you are so sure AF is coming is the pits. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you for sure.

These last 15 days are still not real. My Mom's B-Day is 7-27 and I know what she's hoping for, but she is even reminding me not to put that kind of pressure on any of this. It is our first attempt and IUI and it is simply a matter of letting nature take her course and her sweet time.

Our friends who found out they are pregnant are hopfully both for the hubbies to have company and for her - she likes the idea of sharing things with me. I like the idea - but at the same time I am afraid to hope if that makes any sense.

Okay I need to work on this afghan.... and please let me know how things continue for you - would love to get send you a fun little afghan one day :-D


Posts: 45

Reply by Beatricebythesea » Jul. 17, 2012 7:02am

Aw, your mom sounds like a sweetheart! Actually, my birthday is coming up too! My best estimate right now is that I will be Oing on my birthday, August 1! My honey thinks that is a good luck charm. I'm not sure, but I'd rather be in the positive part of my cycle for my birthday than in the demoralizing part!

What kind of afghan are you making? Do you crochet? My mom is an avid knitter, which is kind of cool because she is blind. She knits the most beautiful things. Im trying to learn, but I'm just not as patient as she is. She will sit and knit as she watches TV or listens to a book. I guess the problem for me is that it is still not automatic, so I have to pay close attention to it. That means no TV watching, or I'll end up with dropped stitches!

I know what you mean about the pressure to time things perfectly with a friend who is also TTC. I have a good friend at work who isTTC. It will be hard if one of us succeeds and the other one doesn't. Hopefully we'll both get our BFP the exact same cycle, though the odds of that are slim.

How's the TWW coming along? Any discomfort from the IUI? Good luck with the afghan!


Posts: 108

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 17, 2012 10:42am

OMG my mom is a sweetheart but she blew my mind yesterday. Here she has been the voice of reason and reminding me not to get too excited and not to talk to too many people - and She told her Sister (my aunt) who I had to call on a business matter yesterday!!!! And when I called and talked to my mom - she said she had told Dad what was happening so he'd understand any phone calls he might over hear.....

She even asked him if he was ready to be a grandpa - his response "well I have the beard and the belly so I guess so".... ARGH no pressure at all :-D Okay so it isn't pressure it just doesn't seem real that mom is talking about it like this - Has Never happened in the last year and half of trying.

Had 2 days of pressure and mild discomfort after the IUI. Had a small amount of spotting and some heavy CM yesterday. Today - think it is just typical after O tenderness in the BBs and a mild bit of nausea. And that can be explained away between the heat outside and me not liking AC. It is hard to explain though - I just feel different and I think that is just me being crazy!

I am crocheting a big square "Play Blanket" for my co-worker. If I was jsut following the pattern I'd be done - but because I added rainbow colors - I'm making it bigger. Center is Variegated, red, Orange, yellow, Green, Blue, Purple and then another Variegated ring and repeat :-D It's going to be pretty good sized - just over 3 feet square right now.

My mom taught me and I really went nuts in college. Now I have the yarn and love having reasons to use it - but it drives DH nuts.

Alrighty - I have a pile of work calling my name - hopefully I can stay more focused today - Yesterday was rough - tired and scattered.

*Hugs* And thanks for chatting with me.


Posts: 45

Reply by NorthernBabyDream » Jul. 17, 2012 12:08pm

Hi you two - mind if I join you? I was interested in reading about your IUI, BeccaLynn35. I'm starting to think this is my next step if things don't work out naturally (it's been nearly 2 years of ttc). Good luck! I'll be waiting to see if this is it!

And, Beatricebythesea, my AF is due on Thursday too! And I completely feel the same way about the TWW. There's stuff I can do during the rest of my cycle, and I focus on eating well, geting exercise, relaxing (and BDing!) but during the tww I am just a mess. The only good thing about AF coming is that I let myself enjoy some wine - my consolation prize, lol. Come on BFPs on Thursday!


Posts: 664

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 17, 2012 12:30pm

Welcome aboard Northern - the more the merrier.

I have got to say having ladies to talk to during the TWW is a huge help. And adding in my co-workers who are driving me nuts by acting like 5 years old - "No I don't have to do that" and "You're just being mean" time is going faster than I expected - sort of :-D

I'd be happy to share my expeirience and answer any questions.

From my reading online and what have you I don't know that my IUI process is completely typical. It is exciting to be here though and I am very hopeful that it was the kick in the pants DH and I needed.


Posts: 45

Reply by Beatricebythesea » Jul. 17, 2012 9:23pm

Good evening ladies! I followed your lead Northern, and I had a beer tonight with my softball team after our game. That is definitely the bright side of AF coming on Thursday! I also ate a bunch of junk, which I'd been laying off all month. All in all, it was a fun night.

BeccaLynn, your afghan sounds beautiful. I bet DH won't mind so much once you are making an afghan for your own baby!! Your parents sound so sweet. And they are so excited to be grandparents! Luckily for me, my sister already gave my parents two grandchildren, so the pressure is off of me. Which is good, because I put enough pressure on myself! Actually,one of my favorite things in the world is watching my parents be grandparents. They are so cute! I hope you get to see that very soon!

Northern, how many more cycles do you think you will try before heading to IUI? If BeccaLynn is successful this month, I bet you will really be motivated to try it out! Go BeccaLynn!


Posts: 108

Reply by NorthernBabyDream » Jul. 17, 2012 9:40pm

Thanks for the warm welcome girls! Good for you Beatrice! Might as well induldge and eat junk while you can. I'm still holding out a tiny bit of hope for a BFP on Thursday. I caved and tested mid-day today and got a BFN and my bbs are getting sore now, so AF is more than likely on her way but still hoping...

I'm going to wait until at least next summer for IUI, as we're living somewhere really remote until next spring. It just wouldn't be feasilbe. So, I'm taking this time until then to focus on being as healthy and happy as I can be and see if it happens naturally.

BeccaLynn, I'm glad your tww is going quickly. It does help for sure to be able to come on her to vent and read about others going through the same emotions and roller coaster ride.


Posts: 664

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 18, 2012 10:26am

ARGH - TODAY SUCKS Ladies!!!! I am LOSING my MIND or what little of it I had under my control.

I woke up at 2:30am having to pee so bad it hurt (Normally wake up around 4 so this was different).

And this morning one of my labia is slightly swollen (sorry for the TMI) a little bit of research this morning told me it could be a sign of infection or a possible sign of pregnancy. Seriously could I be showing any signs at only 3 DPO?

My stomach is a mess - I am so queasy/nauseated it isn't funny and I took some tums and it made it worse.

Boss is taking us out to happy hour - we leave here at 3:45.... I think I'm having a glass of wine as a relaxant/distraction and just enjoy the time with my co-workers.

Thank you Beatrice - my parents are sweethearts and I am their one and only - there isn't a feeling of pressure - but it does all feel very surreal.

Northern - I admire you strength in deciding to wait - I hit a point after a year and half where it was too hard to wait and I needed to find out if it was me stressing out or if something was really wrong. And the truth is - probably me stressing for the most part.

*DEEP BREATH* Okay I have a lot to get done today. I can do this and no upset stomach is going to stop me!!!

Have a great day ladies and have an extra beer for me :-D


Posts: 45

Reply by NorthernBabyDream » Jul. 18, 2012 12:26pm

Yikes, BeccaLynn, hope it's not an infection and you feel better soon! Do you think it could be related to the IUI procedure - maybe you should call the clinic?

Also, I just finished reading the Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant, and the author says that there aren't any statistics to back up the idea that stress stops you from conceiving - so at least you don't have to stress about being stressed! Not sure I would consider myself strong for waiting - it's really just not feasible (2 day drive to town from where I live - when the road is passable). Anyhow, I wasn't looking after myself very well for much of the last couple years, so I'm hoping that taking a break from work and being physically and mentally healthy and positive is going to help - along with all the supplements we're taking! My SO doesn't have the best swimmers...

Go ahead and have that glass of wine tonight! Everything I've read says not to worry about the occassional drink, especially in the first week after Oing. Not sure where you are at, but one glass on one occassion isn't going to harm anything.

Hope your day goes quickly and keeps you distracted!


Posts: 664

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 18, 2012 12:34pm

Thank you Nothern.

I understand health things - when DH and I got married - I had what they called an autoimmune firestorm - my liver almost failed due to Auto-Immune Hepetitis, found out I had Auto-Immune Hypothryoidism, Celiac Disease (which is also auto-immune), PAN - An autoimmune condition that affected the small ateries under my skin in my legs - hurt like mad!, and then to top is all off an Auto-Immune ear infection in both ears. All of that happened in about 18 months.

I have since been given a clean bill of health (within the last 2 years) am off all immune suppresants and have been told all issues are in Remission and Pregnancy is an OK thing - as it will help keep my immune system suppressed for a bit.

I'm on a TWW after my first IUI forum and got a very negative response to the idea of a drink tonight - but I think I'm going to do it.

The swollen thing is something that has happened to me since childhood - its been just over a year since it happened last - so I'm not too worried yet, but will keep an eye on it.

I am hoping to start in on a yoga class next weekend - if I get along with the instructor I might talk to her about at home (Hopefully prenatal) sessions. I'm about 30lbs over my ideal weight - not horrible - but hubby would like to see me loose some and know pregnancy and trying isn't necessarily going to make that happen but I can get healthier to deal with the process better.

Okay - I've babbled enough - gots plenty of work to try and get done.

Hope you have a GREAT DAY!!!

And here's to a


Posts: 45

Reply by NorthernBabyDream » Jul. 18, 2012 7:12pm

BeccaLynn, the swelling makes sense then - sorry you have these health issues but glad they are in remission. Hopefully it stays that way!

Don't worry about the drink. My doctor's advice was to use common sense and don't go crazy, but that a drink during the tww is ok. I still try to abstain in the last week of it but I occassionally have a glass of wine with dinner in the first week. Keep your caffeine down to one cup (or none) a day though as it can result in a chemical preg.

And yoga! I started doing it at home with dvds, but fell out of the habit. Must get back into it. Definitely give it a try. When I first tried it, I was so annoyed at myself for not doing it sooner!

AFM, well, I think I'm out for this round. Tested this morning (14 dpo) and got a BFN. Temps are still up (very high actually), but I'm spotting a bit more than yesterday. The odd thing is that I don't have any cramps and my bbs are barely even sore. Usually they are so painful. I dunno...maybe it's because of the new supplements I'm on and because I'm not taking progesterone this cycle (but that should make my temp lower). I get so frustrated trying to figure out what my body is doing.


Posts: 664

Reply by Beatricebythesea » Jul. 18, 2012 8:02pm

Wow, this has just been one of those days! I finally got a chance to sit down and rest, and catch up on my forums!

BeccaLynn, I just can't imagine everything that you have been through! Autoimmune disorders are so perplexing! But I'm glad to hear that everything is in remission for you. I hope you are feeling better this evening. You are definitely fine to have one drink per day if the egg hasn't implanted yet!

Well, tomorrow is the first day of my next cycle, I'm pretty sure. I ordered a clear blue easy fertility monitor, so I'm excited to try that this month. The Impatient Woman's Guide says that you should aim for BDing two and one day before ovulation, so I'm thinking the monitor should help me anticipate that. Go August!


Posts: 108

Reply by Fluffmonkey » Jul. 19, 2012 9:58am

Hi ladies, I hope your all doing well, I read your post and I hope you don't mind if I hop in.

Becca, Hopefully the TWW will pass soon and you will get good news soon!
I have been trying a year and its not been an easy journey...I find it interesting about how both you and SIL are going through similar things... My husband is a twin..but he has a twin sister... over the years I have seen some interesting things... it is like they are competing with out KNOWing it.... we just bought a house but while we were looking... they apparently were also looking.... and found one the same time we did... It was kinda crazy how we were always in competion with out really knowing we were... but anyways when we first started trying... SIL got pregant (with out trying and believe she was even preventing) I was hurt, jealous...but I eventually got to a place where I was okay with it...but SIL had a m/c and so I kept trying... and few months ago...I found out she is expecting again...but this time everything is going well. This journey has been difficult at times... but I keep my head up and I have Faith that I will some day be blessed.

I went in for my talk with my doctor about our next steps, I was suppost to take Femara this cycle... but the pharmacy/insurance is putting up a stink about it...and I can't afford to pay full price for it...so maybe things will get situatied so I can take it next cycle. My Doctor wants me to do the Dye test...and Hubby the S.A. but I am putting it off to next month...we are moving this month and I am already stressed enough as it is... plus hubbys working out of town...

Beatrice, I am sure with honeys crazy shedules it can make it hard to try at times.. I know my hubby works crazy schdules sometimes...and it can make it hard... but hopefully O'v for your bday will be a good luck charm!
My Birthday is Next week, *sigh*

Northern, I may have to read that book sometime... but I hope your break will be good for you and supplements are good and maybe soon enough you will have your time.


Posts: 459

Reply by BeccaLynn35 » Jul. 19, 2012 10:42am

Welcome Fluff - this is kind of fun and a nice developing support group :-D Didn't expect it off my journaling and I sure don't mind that you joined.

I'm pretty sure that SIL in my case has not been successful yet this month - Facebook pics of her chugging champagne for her B-day this past weekend. I do wish her luck though.

Beatrice - your B-day is definitely going to be a good luck thing for the next month.

Northern - I have Yoga videos and a TV set up in my craft room - just haven't been willing to clean up the mess I made back in June to make use of it. Here's to having even more motivation than normal to change that :-D

Well my DH has been coming home "so exhausted" He works out doors and I know his job if very physically demanding. I still find it highly amusing that I am up before him and heading to my day job in accounting - and up after him sitting on the love seat diligently trying to finish the afghan (If I can figure out how I'll post a picture) for my co-worker. Got the Yellow done last night and started the Green section. It is a "double" rainbow and will be a good sized play blanket. I was up about an hour after him last night and still got up before him.

My dreams are rather vivid and wake me up. When I have to get up to pee it is almost painful - that isn't typical - I do have to get up around 4am... but its waking me up at 2 and 3 now OI.

Anyway the bbs are bit tender today. At the Happy hour last night I ended up just having Strawberry lemonade - they served it in the same type of glasses the other ladies were served their margaritas so I still felt like I was part of the "in" crowd of co-workers. Speaking of which I better get back to it.

You ladies all have a wonderful day. Thank you for joining me - it helps the TWW go by a bit faster.

yup I'm in a whimsical mood today.


Posts: 45

Reply by bowbow » Jul. 19, 2012 1:54pm

Hi everyone, i hope you don't mind me joining in on this thread?!

I believe that i am 11dpo. I initially thought that i was a bit more than this but i miscalculated. My periods are always "spot on" but last month it suddenly went a bit pear shaped. i have had a few twinges, but i am now convinced that girly time is on the way!!

I never thought that i would be stressing like this, constantly scanning my body for early pregnancy signs. i keep getting annoyed with myself. i just know that i am going to so upset when arrives. My hubby says that we should do a test but i really don't want too, because i don't want to see one little line.

I am also frustrated. Both of my siblings have conceived by accident.how does that bloody happen!!

Thank you for letting me sound off. I hope that you are all well and i'm looking forward to chats with you all.



Posts: 76