Community post

Just when I thought the tww was bad...

I have now entered the tww of beta testing! So really it's more like a 4ww... I am so glad that I finally got a bfp but I don't think I can really be happy about it until I see a heart beat. It doesn't help that my beta numbers have been on the low end of normal and that nurse doom and gloom who calls me with my results always says something like "I am sorry but your result is only..." and not to "get too attached because it probably won't be viable". How do you know that? Are you psychic? Do you have a magic crystal ball at the office that can show you the inside of my womb?

I had my fet on October 4th of two 6 day blasts. I read that most women got bfps on hpts around 6-8 dpt so I started testing on 5dpt up until 8dpt and got all bfns so I gave up and decided to just wait til my beta on 10dpt (october 14th) told me it didn't work. I was inconsolable thinking it didn't work again after 1 ivf failure already. To my surprise the nurse called and said my hcg was at a 5 and that it's counted as a positive by their clinic but this is when she told me not to get too attached. So far my betas/hpts are:

5dpt-8dpt - bfn hpts
10dpt - beta of 5
12 dpt - beta of 16 (doubled in 28 hrs)
13dpt - first bfp on frer
14dpt - beta of 43 (doubled in 31 hrs) and being over 25 officially confirms a pregnancy
14dpt again - bfp 1-2 weeks on clearblue digital
15dpt-16dpt - slightly darker bfps on frer
17dpt - scheduled for 4th beta tomorrow

I am more anxious than I have ever been during this beta process! Worse than the 33 tww's I have struggled through since officially ttc, not just ntnp. Waiting for each beta and the results is just mind numbing. I basically have been in auto pilot for the last week and I am no where near being out of the woods yet. I can't sleep or think about anything other than peeing on more hpts to see if they get darker, how much longer til my next beta and what my beta numbers should be by then. If my numbers keep going up at the same rate I should be around the 220 mark. I just keep praying...and I am not the praying type but what else can I do?

After waiting an excruciating 5 1/2 years to be pregnant and peeing on countless hpt's to only see negatives it is so hard to believe that this might be it. After so many disappointments I feel like if I let myself be happy I am just setting myself up for extra heartache if it doesn't stick. I just keep trying to stay optimistic and believe that all will turn out fine. It is completely out of my hands and in God's. I feel blessed for every day I get to be pregnant whether it's for 9 months or just another day.

1 Comment • 10 years ago

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