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The wrong things to say to someone who is trying to conceive

Category: Trying to Conceive - TTC My First Child
Posted by cabeana » Apr. 23, 2012 9:42pm

Maybe I'm just being a brat...but I just need to get this off my chest and I know I can't be the only one on here that feels this way. :) I've been trying to conceive since December 2011 (which I know isn't too long ) and already went through one chemical pregnancy. I have a few people that I feel comfortable talking to about this and every time anyone says "It will happen when it happens" I want to go crazy. Of course it will happen when it will happen! Everything happens when it happens!! These are also women who have children and practically only had to look at their husbands or boyfriends to get pregnant! They have no idea what I'm going through. lol Please tell me I'm not the only who gets annoyed with these types of comments!


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Reply by SugarBearTTC » Apr. 23, 2012 10:59pm

It happens when it happens....lol....meaning it turns my stomach and makes me angry everytime someone happens to say that to me. We have been trying since last December as well and have had no such luck meanwhile very one around me is having unexpected pregnancies so of course they all say it will happen when it happens because they weren't even trying to get pregnant. They were all probably trying not to conceive however they weren't being smart about their birth control. I hear you and I feel your hurt, frustration and anger. I also hate the "don't think about it and it will happen" Thank you, but we are PLANNING a pregnancy, not an OOPS BABY....so how do you not plan or think about it??? I feel like I put so much to a and effort into making sure I'm doing everything right and I get a BFN everyday that I test. Good luck to you and baby dust to us all on this site. I really feel for all the women that have been trying for so much longer than us.


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Reply by JFisher » Apr. 24, 2012 8:39pm

I've been ttc since July 2011. I work as a children's ministry director at a church. Trust me I've heard them all... "You'll understand kids when you have your own?", "are you planning on adopting since its not happening?", "hey, she's pregnant when are you going to have one?" and the list goes on and on and on. Some times people just say the stupidest things. And I don't think I'll ever be numb to it.


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Reply by Kayla18 » Apr. 25, 2012 5:02am

I am totally with you ladies on this!!

DH and I have only been properly TTC since Feb this year after a miscarriage in October 2009.

Everyone around me is getting pregnant, while we still are not, and they just seem to be so insensitive.

I know a girl who was in this exact same position not that long ago, now she's pregnant and she keeps saying to me, "hurry up and join me", "it'll happen when it happens" etc and I'm like, ummmm, WHAT??!! Do you suddenly not remember what this FEELS LIKE??!!!

On top of which, DH's best friend back in the UK has got his girlfriend pregnant. I saw it on Facebook. DH doesn't hardly ever go on his Facebook and so he doesn't know.

I can't tell him. God knows I've tried! I can not get the words out of my mouth.

They have been together 2 minutes, and it's an OOPS BABY!!

Makes me want to cry, constantly! I often wonder if there's such a thing as TTC depression? I dunno, it's bizarre, ever since I miscarried in 2009, ALL! i have been able to think about is babies! Babies, babies, babies!

Sorry for my rant, needed to get it off my chest.

Baby dust to all you lovely ladies, and hoping we see these very, very soon!!


RIP Angel 10.2009 xx

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Reply by jkhines1979 » Apr. 25, 2012 6:31pm

Thank you cabeana for this post!!! I needed to hear that I'm not alone. We have been trying sine August 2011. I have heard them all and it wasn't so bad when my best friend was trying too. But she just found out she is pregnant. Now things between us are weird because every month she is asking if I am....this last month I most definitely had TTC depression :( Now its time for to try again and I'm in a rut or just scared it will be another negative. It's just nice to know I'm not alone. Baby dust to you all!!!


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Reply by cabeana » Apr. 25, 2012 7:35pm

Thank you ladies for replying! I means a lot to know that I'm not alone :) I've just gotten to the point where I haven't even mentioned anything to people anymore. My step mother pulled me off to the side during a family event and asked me if I was pregnant yet....I really had to fight the urge to smack her lol! I don't know what people are thinking. Do they really think I'm going to go through a whole pregnancy, give birth to the child and then tell them? Come on people!! Use your head please! I'm not going to roll up one day to a family reunion with a 6 month old and say "Oh...I'm sorry I forgot to tell you"! Grrr...

And don't get me started on facebook! It's all over the place and I don't know how much more of it I can take. If i have to hear about one more lady stuffing her face with ice cream because "baby" wants it I'm going to scream.

Wow... I feel better now :) Good luck to all you ladies out there and try not to hurt anyone! lol


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Reply by Metal_Yuri » Apr. 25, 2012 9:07pm

Lol it wont happen when it happens.

Ive experienced that before.
Once i was trying for a while, then mid love making i thought, i love him & want us to last forever and this feeling..and i jus gave up, which was so hard to do but i think i was ovulating anyway..i was 3 months pregnant before i found out.

My is issue was i was slightly insulin resistant, i got put on metformin and got a normal cycle, and i may have conceived the first time, waiting to test may 3rd.

When insulin is under control everything works much better, ive heard alot of good things, ive only been on it for 1 and a half months, it helped me lose weight, regulated my cycle and eating habits.

Theres no real side effects but nausea/diarrhea for the first month.
:-) research it if youre curious, or have pcos, definitely helps with that.

Hope ya feel better.

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Reply by tcarver93 » Apr. 27, 2012 12:18am

Mine are people saying,

"Just wait you shouldn't rush something like that, because things change when you have a baby"
Okay you know what, I know things change. I know you have to wake up all throughout the night, I know they cry a lot and can get fussy. I know you can't go out and do stuff whenever you want. I KNOW THIS STUFF STOP TELLING ME!!

"You need to hurry up and have a baby"
Well, no dip. Really? Of course I know this. Stop making me feel like I am even more of a failure than I already feel like. It's hard enough that I am having trouble. I don't need other people telling me how much I need to hurry when I can't help it.

"It will happen when it happens"
MOST of the time when people tell me this, they already have babies. Yes, it's easy for you to tell me that it will happen. It has already happened for you! This one is my favorite one because people just act like your supposed to be okay with them FLAUNTING their pregnancy or baby all in your face. When they know that you are having major issues getting pregnant.

I also hate when my sister in law is always asking me to feel the baby kick or this or that. I do it because I don't want to hurt her feelings. But it hurts VERY bad.

Sorry, these are the things I hate the most that people say to me.



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Reply by mutley » Apr. 27, 2012 12:42am

Hi there i am new to this site, been trying since July 2011 and nothing, no postive tests, i am 34 and i have never ever been pregnant in my life even though i have tried with every partner. I know how much it hurts, i cry myself to sleep every night, i prey to god all day, i scream, beg and yet nothing happens, i am almost feeling like killing myself it has gotten so bad, i just can't take living like this anymore, i just feel pain every second of every day and i have tears in my eyes all day, i makes me so angry at all the women who don't even try to have a baby and it happens.


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Reply by NoirJones » Apr. 27, 2012 2:33am

I hate when people say to "just enjoy trying"...or "not to try and just do it". I feel like slapping the fire out of people. I'm sorry but there aren't enough orgasms in the world to make it ok that I have to keep working to try and start a family while some women can get sneezed on and magically conceive. I know they mean well but its annoying.


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Reply by ellekayejaye » Apr. 27, 2012 4:35am

I was told by a pregnant with an "osps baby X2!!!" yesterday "[b] Just have lots of sex[b]"
Umm.... YOU DON'T SAY!? lol I dunno what she thinks I do every month.
Urgh. But yes she got pregnant with her 1st after only being with the dad for 1 month. Now that baby is 18 months old and "OOPS!" she's pregnant with #2

I have been TTC for 3yrs 3 months now. Yes, I realise I need to have sex thank you very much.

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Reply by kitykat » Apr. 27, 2012 5:23am

I've been trying now since early last year and have had 3 chemical pregnancies. Only a couple of people know this as i'm quite a privet person. I work with pre-schoolers so know a fair bit about children and yet I too get people telling me that I need to hurry up or i'll find it too hard (umm, already am and i'm only 31). Then I get the whole you can't know whats it's like to have children i have no time for anything. Again i'm not stupid I know how much time children need and i'm sorry but these people just come across as ungrateful. Then I get comments like when you have children you will find, or you will realise. Then I get the comments from collegues about how when we finish work for the day they have to go and sort out the children but how lucky i am because i can go home and do nothing. I'm sorry but just because i don't yet have children it doesn't mean i have no life and by the way I want to go home and sort out my children i just can't, urrrrr. And then there are my friends who are new parents and who insist on telling me about how you need to do this with a child or handle them this way or how you need to get them into routine etc. HELLO i work with children i have studyed development o and as i'm trying for a baby I 've researched all this (o and these are the friends who know we are trying). I could just scream and I too have felt the urge to slap but we just need to breath and stick together. Maybe the memory of how hard it can be to concieve disapears for these people during labour along with the memories of the painfulness of labour. Sorry rant over and baby dust to all.


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Reply by Kayla18 » Apr. 27, 2012 5:29am


Thank you so much for this post, and thank you to everyone who has commented. It's good to see other women reading this post, and relating so strongly that more stories are left.

TTC is supposed to be a happy and exciting time in our lives, but we know first hand just how difficult and depressing it can really be, especially when you feel like there couldn't possibly be anybody else out there feeling the exact same way as you.

I've been able to relate to every single post you ladies have kindly shared, and had a little giggle at how people think they are giving out the world's most best kept TTC secret! Have lots of sex! They just don't realise how stupid they sound!

Thank you all once again, I don't feel quite so crazy and alone now, and to anybody else reading this, please leave a post if you can relate, help some more ladies realise they are not alone.


RIP Angel 10.2009 xx

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Reply by hopeandpray » Apr. 27, 2012 1:34pm

This is the only place I don't feel completely alone!
My hubby doesn't even really get it, I get so upset when I get my period and literally get depressed like I failed...
EVERYONE knows we are trying and I am constantly being asked, everyone around me is too...planned and unplanned everywhere...feels like everyone but me!
Even my grandmother said " do you think maybe something is wrong that it is taking this long?"
We have been trying since June 2011, BUT we really got the swing of things in about October....
My hubby is not in a rush now because we just settled on a house, he doesn't seem to get that I don't really want the house if we can't fill it!!!
I am officially starting to tell people we are putting the trying on hold until the end of the summer when we are settled in the house...I don't mean to lie but it is just easier...
we are both going to the dr within the next few weeks! I just want to know if I there is something up so I can try and get on with my life!
I don't know how to "NOT TRY AND LET IT HAPPEN"


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Reply by Metal_Yuri » Apr. 27, 2012 3:27pm

I think what it means to jus let it happenis to focus more on your relationship, or the moments when making love. Kinda jus lose yourself. Taking it slow usually does it for me. I jus have my bf give me alot of affection, keep us busy with movies, walks, parks, etc. Or jus making out lol

But i do get envious seeing EVERYONE pregnant. Its like im the only non pregnant person in the world sometimes.lol does suck. Especially when ya have promising symptoms jus to have a period.

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Reply by angelbaby508 » Apr. 27, 2012 4:28pm

"Youre still young" "It will happen when it is suppose to happen" "God has a time for all things" blah blah. Yeah, easy for people to say when YOU DONT HAVE PCOS! I feel like my body hates me. I know we just started ttcing this Feb, but it hurts when you know it may never happen and each month that goes by and no baby-its like my pcos is mocking me. I literally cried because I feel like I have failed in some way. I wish people would just shut their mouths and keep the comments to themselves. I know they mean well, but it only makes it worse.

*sorry about the rant* *baby dust to everyone*


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Reply by Jeni_nite » Apr. 29, 2012 10:03pm

So glad to see someone else post what I'm thinking! That saying along with "if you just relax, stop thinking about it... it will happen" makes my blood boil! I am relaxed, sorry if i have to do more than just think pregnant to fall pregnant LOL!
We've been trying for 10 months and i know what you mean about Dec not being long but it certainly feels like years over months.

Baby dust to you tho! xox


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