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My heart goes out to you and I can only say this.. I have been TTC for a year and have had more downs than ups. So the fact that you have gotten through this for the past 2 1/2 years tells me you are an extremely strong and brave woman. Hats off to you.. I have almost gone into depression but pulled myself out real quick by saying 'you are not going there. you cannot let yourself fall any further. stop it.' You seem to have done the same by rising above your depression and I know you can do it again. Pull yourself out before you get in any deeper. This may be so hard for so many individuals as I have never been in that deep and can only imagine what a struggle it is. But you HAVE to do it for the sake of not going onto meds again, which may or may not jeopardize your chances of a baby..
Your husband seems wonderful and I completely understand the guilt you feel of not giving him that family as I too suffer with it every single day. He knows I am naughty with my eating despite being..

...borderline obese. But he still doesn't say a word as he knows I'm trying my best to lose weight at the same time. Bless him and the fact that I would never be able to get through this without him. I owe him my everything..
IVF should be an exciting prospect, especially if it's your first time, hun.. Please don't be down and think of what may happen should you succeed! For the first time in years, you'll have life growing inside of you.. If it fails or succeeds, you've taken that next step and should be proud of yourselves. It takes a lot for some women to admit their infertility and go on to that next stage. You're already almost at the finishing line and have as good a chance as anyone to succeed with it. Now give us a HUGE smile and get preparing for that big day in your life. When is the appointment? xx

thankyou...thats such nice things to say :)
i agree with the having fair share of downs.....i think thats the hardest part, picking ourselves up from a low point!
do you ever feel selfish when u surround your life and emotions around wanting a baby so bad? i find myself secretly hating others when they announce pregnancys and i feel so ashamed!
i am happy and hopeful for the IVF, i suppose im just selfish in wanting to do it ourselves :/ wanting what others have...wanting to share the happy news and say to my hubby WE DID IT!!!! :/
our hubbys deserve medals i think....i feel the same as you that i wouldnt be able to do half of what i have without him. i suppose i feel like im fighting a losing battle, hoping for something that doesnt seem to be coming in my direction :(
how do you cope? how do you pick yourself up when your low?
its a 6 month waiting list so from when i was referred i suppose it would be in about 3 months time...im awaiting the date from the mailman. :/ xx

I feel selfish all the time! Juts last night I was in physical pain with the AF, mental pain of having hit the 12 month mark and simply needed to cuddle the crap out of my husband. To top it off I believe I have been experiencing (not sure) anxiety attacks as soon as I get into bed and had just calmed down a bit. He pottered around the house whilst I waited in bed, then came back saying he needed to call someone as their Uncle had died. I was so mad at him for not being there earlier, I just said OK and turned away. He couldn't understand how I didn't even show sympathy for the bereaving family. THAT, right there is how much I needed for him to take part in my pain and nothing else mattered at that point. So yes, I feel selfish all the time and feel to some extent that I deserve to be, every now and then. We are hurting, for Pete's sake and we are allowed :)

I completely understand the feeling of wanting to surprise hubby naturally too. I was hell bent on it and hate that it won't happen that way as he is always aware of my cycles :(
I have no idea about how I cope, to be honest. Despite moaning about my in in-laws being around at this stage in our lives, I secretly know that they have helped me from not sinking into depression without knowing it themselves. Had it just been me and the hubby on our own as usual for the past few months, I would have had the chance to just wallow around in self pity around the house and eaten my weight in peanut butter in front of the telly. It just hit me the other day that they have unknowingly prevented further depression in me as I have to just put on a brave face and go on as nothing is going on in that head of mine.. Apart from that, I have a couple of friends who know I'm struggling and support me like crazy. Help me on the worst of days :) and CTP of course :) xxx

I don't have answers for you but I will say your journey is very inspiring and requires
So much strength. You WILL succeed, you WILL have babies and if it takes IVF and venting to strangers each step of the way so be it. I believe it will happen for you and commend your courage... :) we R all here for support!

Hi, just wanted to say my sister in law had pcos, struggled for 3years trying to conceive on her own, then tried 2 attempts of iui with no success, but then went on to have IVF and now has beautiful twins. A lil boy and a lil girl! Miracles do happen, have faith. Yours is just around the corner! My best wishes and prayers go out to you! Baby dust and good luck! Cheer up!!!