Community post

I'm in tears again. I just found out via Facebook that one of my RL friends is pregnant and due on the date I would have been. And my husband doesn't get why this is upsetting to me and thinks I should just be happy for them and not sad for me.

Lisser I am so sorry! =( I feel for you hun. Our good friends are pregnant, others just had baby, sister in law and aunt are pregnant. It isnt fair or right and it hurts to see when others are pregnant. Especiallly when they have what should have been your due date as well.

Melissa - I totally understand your pain. While you are happy for them, you are sad for you because that should have been you. Two totally different emotions but both totally normal. Sending a big hug your way! xo

Lis I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you. The ladies are right though, it's okay to cry and go through any emotion you feel. And as fr DH goes, men just don't understand sometimes. I would and have been upset about finding out about some women are pregnant (especially if their due date would have been on mine!)

Ladies, I'm sorry I've been busy and haven't been on that much.

As you all know, I'm not trying for a baby anymore. But lately I still get that longing feeling to be a mom. My little sister in laws made me cry yesterday. they are 7 and they just dont understand why me and their brother don't have babies yet. They kept on and on asking me and finally I just broke down and told them that I may never be able to have children. Then one of them says, " it's okay...we are still young, we will be your babies". It was so sweet but it also made me realize...what if this is as close as it gets? What if I never have kids? Then I was watching dr Phil and this woman had 4 abortions, 3 were because her husband simply didn't want kids. It makes me SICK! Today on FB (the root of all evil!) I saw that this girl (who smokes, drinks, partys, and doesn't take care of the child she already has, plus doesn't even work or contribute to society or her child) is pregnant again. it's not fair. We would all be wonderful
Mothers...and people like that can have babies left and right.
I know I really don't have any room to talk, and I had been doing good dealing with wanting to have kids. I even convinced myself I was better off never having kids...I just don't know maybe it's my depression creeping back in. Sigh. Anyways, that's enough of my pity party ranting.

Love you all.

Melissa - I am just continually devastated for you! Please vent and cry....let it out! We are here to listen! I would have felt the same way. You are happy for your friend (sort of) but your hurt and longing for a baby for yourself is too strong to ignore! Don't feel bad about being upset! Totally normal! Men don't understand pregnancy loss. When I had my miscarriage (which is not even close to as devastating as what you went through I'm sure), my dh didn't seem upset. But he didn't feel the contractions and see all the blood/clots that poured out of my body for 10 days. That is why us ladies have each other!

Jess - I have been thinking about you as well! I can't begin to understand how you must be feeling after this many losses. We love you are are here for you.

Shea - I saw the same Dr. Phil show. It made me soooo mad!!! I also saw this total (forgive me for being judgemental) white trash girl who reaked of smoke at the OB's office today. That pissed me off as well. Don't lose hope! One way or another you will be a mommy! I just know it!

AFM - Had my 33 week appointment today. I go in once a week now until I deliver. My parents sprung on me recently that they won a trip to England and leave May 10th. My due date is May 3rd (according to the doc but I know it is the 1st). So I told this to my doc and she said she doesn't induce first time moms. She said she'd let me go 2 weeks overdue since my GD is so well managed. Well, that is not very common these days so I was shocked to hear that and now am totally stressed. That would mean May 17th!!!! If my mom cannot be there when I have her I will be devastated. Also, I worry about her size at that far overdue and the health of the placenta....what do you ladies think?

Tori - i was 11 days over with my DD and she was fine. They say that the baby puts on an oz everyday their over. DD was only 6lb 5oz at birth we worked out that she would of been 5lb 10oz if shed been on her due date. I wouldnt worry about it they will closely monitor you they did with me.

Lissa - hun i know exactly how you feel. I was deverstated when my work colleague fell pregnant last year. I think i mentioned it on here she never wanted kids and was 33 weeks before she found out she was because she was in deniel about it. She also said ic shed found out early enough she would of aborted him. Hes nearly s year old now. It hurts alot. Were all here for you hun xx

Shea, I'm nearly double your age...and if I'm still trying you'll be able to also. :) You've got time to be a mommy, never say never. :) Maybe tell your sisters-in-law that you and DH are just taking your time, and making sure you get the life and careers you deserve to have before trying hard to have babies. You are setting a wonderful example for them by focusing on your schooling and careers and you can guide them so that they don't feel pressured to have babies too young.

Karen, I know how that feels too, my uncles Step-daughters both had babies as teenagers, and one of them seemed to use abortion as her form of birth control, and still managed to have a normal pregnancy.

At least this family who is due when I would have been will love and cherish this baby even though they weren't planning on another.

Victoria, go with your gut instincts.

AFM,

My body is confused, I think. I had stopped bleeding, just had some brownish spotting here and there, but not constant. I was even able to stop wearing pads and liners. Then last night I was woken up with some fairly sharp cramps, but was able to just fall right back to sleep again. This morning when I woke up, I had lots of bright red bleeding again.

I had let my doctor know that I was still having positive pregnancy tests, including yesterday and though they have gotten a bit lighter they are still very positive, so my Dr. faxed a req for another beta to be done. She also asked the hospital for their blood test records. Guess which test the hospital didn't do? Yup...no beta at all, even though I was told it was done. So there is absolutely no way of knowing what my hcg level was at that time.

Anyway, I took another hpt this morning and the damn thing was darker than yesterdays was. Color me confused. I know I'm not pregnant anymore because there was absolutely nothing in my uterus, so I don't know what the hell is going on.

I'm back to brown bleeding again tonight, with some cramping here and there. I'm wondering if the cyst they mentioned me having burst. I thought it would be more painful if that happened, but as my sister pointed out, I seem to have a pretty damn high pain tolerance.

I'm just cranky about this whole ordeal. I just want it all over with so that I can get back to trying. I know I have no choice but to wait though.

I am so sorry I have been MIA friends. I just really needed to keep busy and stay in a positive state of mind. Not that you guys don't help me do that.

Shea- I know how badly you want to have a baby and also know that you stopped trying for a while but whenever you are ready again, don't give up no matter how long it takes. Life really isn't fair. We will never understand why women like that are able to get pregnant.

Jessh- Glad you passed those tests. I am so glad you are staying positive and doing all the things that you can do and have control over. That is a good amount of weight to lose in such a short period of time. You must be so proud of yourself. As long as there is will, you will find the power to do it. I really believe in you!

Victoria- Since all of us mostly know our O date because we kept track, it is kinda freaky when the doctor tells us the due date can be further than we think. The tech who was doing my ultrasound had also told me that the baby can arrive 2 weeks after the due date. Do not let that stress you out right now but when the time gets close, pay very good attention to your body. Personally, I would be very uneasy about going over my due date for more than a couple of days. I don't know why, it would just freak me out. Do we have a say in one happens though? What do we do if the doc doesn't induce? Inducing is not always a good thing either. Aaaaaah! So much to think about. Don't worry, I am sure that everything will be just fine! I would also be very sad if my mom couldn't be there with me the day of the delivery. How are you feeling other than that? When is your 2nd baby shower?

Lis- It is definitely ok to cry. Let it out. I am glad that feeling her belly was therapeutic. It is so nice of her to be so considerate and ask if she should leave. Finding out friends are pregnant is very hard. Just like Margaret said, you feel two types of emotions at once. You don't mean to feel sad on one end but it is inevitable. I am sorry it seems to be easier for dh to hear such news. I don't know how your dh is but men really just don't get it sometimes. Good thing your bleeding has stopped and your body is recovering well. Thank you so much for asking about the specialist. Hugs.

Kraken- How are you doing? About your coworker, it is just so sad that pregnancy for some women pregnancy means nothing and they can just so easily abort.

Margaret- I hope you are doing well. How is little Ben?

Nancy- How many weeks along are you? How are you feeling these days?

AFM: I just kept busy for days and days. I am not ignoring what the ob said and the fact that I have to see the perinatologist but I am just trying to stay positive. My mom is letting me plan the baby shower since she can't do it herself, which I am very happy about and that is what I have kept busy with. I just can't fully enjoy it right now because nothing matters more than our little girl's health. I did stay off of google this whole time until I cracked and cried today because I just had no answers from anybody and was mad at myself for not calling my OB's office earlier and ask to speak to the nurse for details on what this "possible bulge on the heart" could be. I called my OB's office today but they closed early. The referral finally got authorized today! On a Friday of course! Even the receptionist couldn't understand what those notes meant? She said that she doesn't know what the finding is and that she would have to call my OB's office. They couldn't give me an appointment unti March 27th. That is a long time to wait! Dh is just so positive that there is nothing wrong. I love that he is being very optimistic and is always like that but I feel like I can't let it out and cry in front of him because he doesn't take it well and gets kind of angry because he sees it as me being weak and says I am freaking out. He just doesn't get it. I shared with a couple of close friends and my parents because I can be vunerable around them. There is nothing more terrifying than even the smallest questioning of your baby's health. Don't understand why it is so difficult for dh to understand that.

Sorry if I forgot anyone. I didn't mean to.

Love you all! Big hugs and babydust to all.

Nat

Just had another huge gush of red bleeding. I'm so over this! If I am still in this pattern on Monday, I'll be asking for another ultrasound.

Lis - this whole thing sucks all around. I cannot believe they didnt do a beta at the hospital! And I know how you feel about the random gushes of blood =( I am sorry hun. I would be getting a beta and an u/s definitely. Praying it goes away soon so you can do the hsg and start trying again <3