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Thanks twwtoolong. He said there were a few red flags which makes them think its mainly an egg issue. They had me on the highest dose of stim meds and the "most aggressive" protocol and someone my age should have produced more than 12 eggs. Second red flag was that 66% of those eggs weren't even mature enough, and the ones that were had already started degenerating before they even pulled them out. So it was basically like the eggs I produce immediately start to die as soon as they mature instead of hanging out for a bit (thats my view of it).

The clinic we are going to is one of the best in the state and their statistics of success are the highest. They just kept saying how rare it was for this to happen and thats why they keep mentioning donor eggs because someone my age shouldn't be responding to things the way I am. He apologized because they were mainly looking at the blocked tubes being the reason and never thought there would be an egg issue, but they couldn't even tell until the eggs were out. They have an 80%+ success rate of fertilization and I should have been way above that, instead I had 0 fertilized. They didn't even TRY to fertilize or grow any..sperm went in and literally nothing happened.

My first question is absolutely what can we do to fix myself before going to donor eggs, and what would be the chances of that actually working. We don't want to spend another $10,000 just to try something that only has a small chance to POSSIBLY change my eggs when we could just go to donor for $15,000 and get quality embryos.

I feel like I've just been a rollercoaster on these decisions. I always thought if I couldn't do it naturally, it just wouldn't happen. Then I came to terms with IVF and at least I'll still have a child. Now I'm having to come to terms with I guess I just can't have a child of my own but at least with donor I get to carry a baby and it will feel like my own.

Babybump - It's just so much information and change in mindset and it all just happens so quickly. I think that's part of the reason I haven't been so quick to jump on the fertility clinic train, once it takes off you never really know where it's gonna take you.

I am so glad to hear you are at one of the best clinics - hopefully you'll be able to come up with a plan that you will be comfortable with and will result in a baby in your arms! I have friends who had their first with IVF and their second through adoption (same sex couple, the first was one partners egg in the others "oven" with donor sperm) and they have said that regardless of how they come to you, it's your child and the love is no different. So whatever you decide, know that you are on your way to building your family.

I wish you all the strength in the world and I'll keep checking back in regularly, if you need an ear.

Hey Ladies,
Just wanted to check in - Luckykap, are you heading in soon for a FET?

Babybump- how are you doing? Do you know when your consultation is going to be?

I am CD12 today - not at all hopeful for this month- I have no symptoms at all, not even breast tenderness. AF is supposed to come tomorrow or Thursday, after that- it's back to the clinic.

Good Morning,
Twwtoolong- I will take my last bcp Saturday and then AF will show up again on Monday or Tuesday and I will begin the estrogen. This has been such a long process for such an impatient person lol.

Will you be doing anything at the clinic this round if AF shows?

Luckykap - its approaching so fast!

Twwtoolong - Our consult is this afternoon actually, T minus 8 hours and counting. Hubs and I have sat down and had some long discussions and we've told our families to get their opinions on it too, and we're pretty resolved to just go straight to donor eggs. There are a couple of things we could try that I've found (an antagonist approach, adding HGH, etc) but of all the women who had my same problem and did that more than half ended it by saying "we still ended up having to use donor eggs" or "it only got us 1 usable embryo" so the payoff just isn't going to be worth it, especially when my doctor doesn't even think it would help anyway.

So we're mainly going today to talk about the donor process and see when we can start on that. And I'm ok with that.

Hey Luckykap! It's getting close - hopefully once you start back on estrogen, time will start to move faster. For me it always feels better when I am doing something, rather than just waiting! lol

We are going back to the clinci this upcoming cycle - I am going to monitor again, now that I have been on synthroid for over 3 months and my cycles seem to have regulated a bit better and DH is going to finally get his SA and blood work done. Once we have my DH's results, the Dr. will met with us and give us the full run down on what's going on and what the next steps are.

Babybump - it sounds like you both are on the same page and have a solid plan. Best of luck at your appointment today! Hugs!

Finally home, what a long day!

We met with the doctor today, didn't tell us any new information we didn't already know - went over some other protocols which was just different brands of medicine we could try, but he was really insistent that it would most likely get the same results so not to get our hopes up thinking there *is* a chance.

Then we talked donors. We went over the clinic's process of how they're chosen, what the process is, what their success is, etc and it all sounded pretty good in comparison to the other option.

It was a lot of info. I took a lot of notes and have all of the info, but we're heavily leaning towards donors. Enough that we took the paperwork home that we will out about ourselves and what we're looking for in a donor. They said whenever we're ready to officially start the process just turn those forms back in and they'll start getting us some donor options.

My brain is all over the place! Ask questions and I can expand on anything! haha

Hey Ladies,
Babybump - it sounds like an intesnse session! How long does the process take with donor eggs? At least you won't have to go through the stim protocol again.

Unfortunately AF showed up on Wed, so I am back to the clinic today for my day 3 appointment. Hopefully DH will be in next week for his SA and bloodwork and we can maybe get some answers finally. Part of me is looking forward to knowing and part of me is terrified. We both really want to have kids, but we are both having a hard time with the fact that it looks like we are going to need ART. My DH really doesn't want to go the IVF route, so our options to deal with problems would be limited.

How about you ladies, were your DH's hesitant to enter the fertility world?

It could be a quick or slow process. We turned in the paperwork last night since they said we don't pay anything until they find a donor, we give the ok, and the actual medicines start. They said it could take a day to find a donor, or it could take 3 weeks, or it could take 2 months, etc so we said lets just go ahead and get the hunt started and we can always change our mind (which is doubtful will happen). We filled out what all we were looking for in a donor, which started looking more and more like a dating profile (between 5'6"-5"11, slender, blonde, blue eyes, etc) but on good days thats what I look like so I want it to represent me! haha

My hubs was hesitant and not hesitant about going to a fertility clinic. We first brought it up last May and we settled with just me seeing an OBGYN because we didn't think it was time for full blown fertility yet. Didn't really get any plausible reasoning from them (hate obgyns now). Honestly the only reason we went to the fertility clinic in October was because of the cancer diagnosis. We needed to freeze sperm asap and that was the place to do it, it just turned out they also did fertility stuff so we were like "well lets look into the cheapest option they have - IUI, and use the frozen sperm with that" and then one thing led to another, test after test to check me out and finding out all of my issues...once you get on that rollercoaster, it's hard to tone yourself back. Here we are 4 months and $36,000 later about to try for a baby that isn't even mine. So expect your mind and feelings to do a lot of flip-flopping on what you're expecting and what's going to happen.

And you never know - there may be just a couple of injections you could take that will fix a tiny issue you have! You'll just never know until you go!

Babybump- you don't get to go through and select your donor? Here they have their profiles and you can pick the one you want and it lets you know if they have cycled and how many times. It's so crazy how different things are with different clinics.