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aromatherapy

I'M REALLY OK WITH IT :)

So this is it, this will be my last post ever. 3 yrs ago i started down thee ttc journey and let me tell you it has been a very hard emotional one. it was discovered after a yr and a half through laproscopic surgery that i have stage 3 endo. fast forward to today after shots of lupron,counting days,symptom tracking praying,crying,yelling,being bitter and jealous you name it, every emotion a human being can have i have had it. Today i decided thats it i'm done,i can't take the pain physicallly from the endo or emotionally anymore,and have decided to free myself from the grips of this evil thing called ttc, and you know what just as the title says im really ok with it all. i tried everything in my power to have a baby and i did not fail (miscarriage in march) but i am just done. i want to enjoy life not be consumed with every little twinge,cramp, sore boob or whatever came my way.. i just want to say if you are in my position with endo and all, that it is REALLY ok not to have children. oh yes i wanted nothing more than to be a mom but sometimes life deals you shitty cards and well my deck sucked.. i am re shuffling that deck right now and know i will get a better hand this time around. its up to me what cards i wanna play and you better believe its gonna be a 4 of a kind not just 1 pair this time around

3 Replies • 11 years ago

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jacksonwest

Good for you I love your positive attitude! I think it's a good decision, plus when you take all the stress and heartache away who knows what could happen. Wishing you all the best in wherever life takes you!

Lindsay

11 years ago

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paradisein2011

Hi aromatherapy, Wow, I totally understand your feelings. Reading your post was like reading my own heart and mind. I haven't given up yet, but I have come really close to it. I am 39, will be 40 in October. I have 4 children already and I have been trying for over a year now to have my 5th and final baby only to have a chemical back in November and then a miscarriage in June at 6 weeks along. I was and still am devastated and scared of it happening again and again. I also had laproscopic surgery after the chemical because I thought I might have had endometriosis since I cramp so very much for the whole 2 weeks after I ovulate every month but nothing was found. My doctor seems to think I keep miscarrying due to low progesterone levels. I tried clomid this last cycle only to start af Monday. He told me that clomid can help keep the progesterone levels high and make good quality eggs but I don't want to try it anymore. It dried me completely out during ovulation and have heard of more ugly side affects that can happen on it, so from here on out I am going to go as natural as I can. I, like you, have had so many emotions and it has taken a toll on my husband and me. I have let this ttc take over my life to the point that I can't seem to be happy with anything else right now. I get so jealous of hearing about everyone around me that is pregnant or having theirs and think to myself, "Why can't I do this anymore?" Anyway, I do know what you mean! I wished I could be as strong as you and just get over it and quit. People are always saying to just let nature take it's course and it will happen but I don't believe that because if I did it that way, I know it wouldn't happen or it would take years because I have to time my ovulation for sex or the sex would always happen when I'm NOT ovulating. So, I have to try, and it's so very scary to think I could get pregnant only to lose again but I am willing to take that risk because I want that final baby so so bad! Good luck to you and I hope that everything works out for you!

Paradise

11 years ago

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