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ZHPBBs

Less that 5%

So yesterday we got a new analysis done on hubby. His sperm count is even lower then the one he did in October. with only about 2 million. They think his reversal scarred up and now only giving us a 5%or less chance of conceiving naturally. One option is IVF but he doesn't want to pay for it and I am heartbroken about not being able to have another child. He doesn't want to use a donor or adopt cause he wants his own children (which makes sense and doesn't to me since I'm adopted) He says he is fine with the 2 children we have. Would he mind another one? no but he doesn't want to put money into it. I feel like our family is incomplete and I just don't know how to fill in the hole I have in myself. I am returning to college to get a degree and hope I find my purpose but I also really love being a mom. My own mom says its not much to only see myself as a mother and to do something else with my life, but I have always wanted to be a mom. I even wanted 6 kids. I forever regret having my husband getting his vasectomy in the 1st place. I should've had him wait another yr. I should've waited another year. It makes it harder cause my SIL just gave birth to her 2nd child at 37. She had another child who is 16 (about to be 17 in march) I love the little baby to pieces but makes me so sad to know I probably wont have that again. I am grateful for the 2 children I have I really am. my oldest turned 5 today and my son will be 4 in May and is now potty trained. seems silly to go back to diapers. Maybe I need therapy. IDK im just sad about it.