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Secondary Infertility - Aged 35.

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<-- These are the faces I make each time I get a and each time ugly AF shows up. I watch people come and go, getting their BFP's, yet I am still waiting. It's been 29 long cycles, I am now on my 30th cycle. My partner is desperate for his own baby and I feel like every month I am letting him down.
I am a YouTuber, and in one of our live pregnancy test videos, he literally cried so hard. I hate seeing what this is doing to him, I hate not being able to do the only thing my body could do - only a few years ago.

I am going to be using this as a journal to blog my emotions, my symptoms and god willing, my very own

Thank you for reading. Looking for cycle buddies!

I have started a blog - www.waitingimpatientlyforourblessing.blogspot.com

Cycle 30 - BFN
Cycle 31 - Currently 1DPO
Cycle 32 (Letrozole & Trigger) - ?


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92 Comments • 1 year ago • Edited


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Thank you Gezzy1 Love, I am absolutely soul destroyed and broken. 3 different tests - 3 all looking positive. I absolutely never get my hopes up, I test, I am numb, emotionless - I accept the BFN's and move on.

Unfortunately that didn't happen this cycle - as you've read. Two significant temperature drops etc.

I just sat sobbing on the toilet and my fiancé messaged me and asked if I was okay. I said no and I needed a cuddle/ I went out the bathroom, he asked what was wrong, I could barely get the words out and said how fed up I was and showed him the digital 'not pregnant'. He sobbed too and we cuddled for ages.

I've blogged and on my blog I wrote about why would he want to marry me? He knew I was blogging as my computer desk is in view of his sofa, he then read it (I didn't know), then he came over and said I love you, I want to marry you. He is upset that we are failing too, but I feel like he genuinely does want me - baby or no baby and for that I am thankful!

Do you have any social media, instagram etc that we can follow each other on? Granted I fail at uploading regularly to my instagram and I really hope to vlog soon for my youtube channel as it's been probably around two months lol.

I'm going to sign off now with - thank you for following me and I hope you're well. I'm going to stick the TV on, it's been a busy day, I'm watching my beautiful christmas tree, smelling my freshly melting wax on my warmer and trying to just recover from this painful experience. I'm guessing she'll be here tomorrow. (AF).

Really hope you're feeling better now love.


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11 months ago • Post starter


CD2 (I think - really couldn’t care less ATM) and I’m keeping myself busy.
Me and my Fiancé have decided to start up a business, we’ve got tonnes of ideas between us. It’s cost just over £100 to set up, which isn’t bad all things considered and the majority of that is equipment we will need. ??I’ve already created a FB group for it and I’ve been making the graphics behind it and the labels we will need. I’ve been in this particular business before; so to a certain extent I know what I’m doing. That said, there is many more health and safety regulations nowadays and these have to be adhered to strictly.

My Cameo has given me an absolute headache today trying to work out why the software was running soooooooo slow. I’ve figured it out though and it pains me to say it - but user error. I made the design a little too complicated and it didn’t like it.


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11 months ago • Post starter


My doctor is FINALLY running some hormone tests! Yippeee!

On not so good news; I've been prescribed even more tablets and I found out some truly horrific news of a hereditary illness which I absolutely may have. I match all the symptoms (bar one) and I already have a chronic illness that's associated with it. It's more common to be diagnosed in 30's, 40's, 50's (CHECK) and it's more common in women (CHECK!).

It looks like on the 2nd of December they will be taking a fair amount of blood from me, not only checking to see if my Iron has improved, but the hormones and now the testing for this other chronic illness. Doesn't rain but it pours eh?


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11 months ago • Post starter


Hi Miss Pug! Sorry I’ve been MIA - have been extremely busy the last few weeks with family and navigating through work with COVID going on (I work in a school and we had to shut it down for a few weeks so lots of paperwork and such). Anyways, I’ve been catching up on your posts. I was so hoping to come to the end of them and read that you got a bfp. I’m so sorry, my dear It sounds like you have a wonderful partner, though, who loves you no matter what! I hope that by figuring out all of these various things with your health might put you on the fast track to a healthy pregnancy

I am currently 8dpo. Not feeling any symptoms (which is different from the past few cycles). Was sick for about a week and was worried I might have COVID (fortunately it was not). AF is due on Friday if this is not my cycle again. This time I am not testing before my expected period as I am just not convinced this is the one, so I’m not prematurely wasting a test.

Keep me updated on how you’re doing!


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11 months ago


Angyls19, I hope you're okay and the two week wait is treating you well.
I really hope you have a BFP to see on a test!

I *think* I'm in the two week wait, although not 100%. Not using OPK's or temping this cycle, we're not trying, not preventing. Had a blood test today and I think they're checking if I have PCOS although I don't think I will know until Friday etc.


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11 months ago • Post starter


Hoping to get my blood results in around 20 minutes. Nervous is definitely an understatement.


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11 months ago • Post starter


MissPug, are these the blood results for checking for PCOS? Let me know how it goes and what they suggest.

As for me, AF is due today. Just started getting cramps about an hour ago, and they feel like the normal ones I get right before AF. Not that I didn’t see this happening this cycle, but it still sucks and I am totally bummed. I really just want to crawl into bed and have a good cry.


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11 months ago


I believe so!
You do you - crawl into bed and cry. Honestly, sometimes it does make you feel a little better.


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11 months ago • Post starter


I'm pretty sure I am definitely in my two week wait - where, I don't know. I suspect around 3-5DPO. I have little hope for a Christmas BFP.


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11 months ago • Post starter


I suspect I am 8-9DPO. But - and I am proud of this, I have not caved so far. I am constipated, so I logged that, apart from that I have barely used FF this month.


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11 months ago • Post starter



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