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11 dpo today and my stupid ass tested with diluted smu (like a 2 hour hold) and scared myself half to death when the line didn't appear until like 4 minutes after dipping it (shouldn't be read after 5 min). Of course it was lighter than yesterday and it took me a few seconds to realize why. The new tests that I ordered will arrive tomorrow. I ordered a digital (just the +/- one), 1 early (midstream), 1 regular strip and 1 clearblue +. After all my chemicals I just need to verify this with other brands. And hopefully they'll all be positive.

12 dpo today and it's progressing. I still worry that this might turn into a misscarriage at any second. I guess all the chemical pregnancies have messed with my head more than I thought. I'm still a bit wary and need to see a positive with another brand and especially a digital before I can relaxe just a bit. Then I need to get passed af. Next hurdle will be getting passed 12 weeks. I think I'm going to ask for a early ultrasound just to ease my mind a bit. But it's several weeks until then and anything can go wrong before that..

I'm still waiting for those damn tests to arrive! I was certain they would arrive in the mail by 1 pm as they usually do. But they still haven't arrived and it's 7 pm now. I'm tracking them and it seems they'll arrive during the evening. Good thing I saved some urine for a few hours ago. I used that urine to test with the strips I already have and it's definitely stronger, so that's good at least.

13 dpo and all my hopes came crashing down a few minutes ago. I hold my urine for 4 hours and it was not diluted. Tested with the same strip as I have been for the past 4 days - only a light line. Damn! Tested with the other tests I ordered, 4 different tests from 3 different brands - all negative... I'm not gonna lie, that broke my heart! I guess that's what I get for having my hopes up. Right now I'm starting to question if it's even meant for us to have another child. Don't get me wrong, I really want another child. But I'm starting to be fed up with all the heartbreak... There's a teeny tiny chance my urine wasn't the best, since I seem to test stronger in the afternoon. But I'm pretty convinced this is yet another chemical, only this one latched on longer than the others did.

Aaaaand the bleeding started. Chemical or faulty tests? I may never know for sure. But I find it hard to believe that a brand that has never given me this type of line before would suddenly give me a line that actually progressed, although a little slow. But it's not impossible. Either way it's not going to result in a baby. I was quite sad for a day or so and talked to my husband about it. Now it's back to normal. I can't change what happened and it doesn't do me any good feeling sorry for myself.

On the upside at least I go through with the MRI I have booked this tuesday. I have been wanting to do one for over 10 years, to find out if the incident 15 years ago caused anything. It's not until now that I finally have a doctor that actually listens to me and who sent a referral for the MRI of my cervical and lumbar spine. I would have wished to do my thorasic spine as well, but I guess the doctor didn't think it was necessary. When I see him next time I am going to talk to him about my thyroid issues as well. I have a feeling he will be much more willing to help me get the antibodies down and hopefully help me find out why my T4 are always on the lower side.

Did my MRI last week, so that's good. Decided not to do OPK this cycle, just didn't feel like it. I'm cd 12 today and are officially in my fertile window and will ovulate in about 2-4 days. My husband still have a few weeks left of his vacation time, so he's home all day. Which means we doesn't have to plan our bd like when he works and that feels really nice. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to discuss my MRI and other things. I'm planning on discussing my thyroid levels with him, even though I normally "see" an endocrinologist for that. But that endocrinologist seems to have no idea what he's doing and I have zero trust in him. I'm fairly positive my constantly borderline thyroid antibody levels are interferring with me getting pregnant and keeping it. So I really hope I can get some help from my regular doctor, since I know he's very knowledgeable and also easy to talk to.

Well, my appointment last friday was re-scheduled since the doctor was sick. I was given a new appointment for this friday. Looking forward to discuss my thyroid levels and see what he thinks. Today is approximately 1 dpo and we did bd 5 days before, 2 days before and the day of OV. My husband and our 8yo left to visit his parents for a few days, so no more bd. But I think we covered our bases good. Now it's only a waiting game. If the tww usually feels slow, this time it'll be a lot slower since I'm home from work at the moment. My right hand and wrist has been bothering me for several months and one doctor said it was the beginning of trigger finger, so I'm going to ask my new doctor on friday what his opinion is. It's a pretty swollen "lump" between my thumb and index finger. I want to know if he can do something of if he has to refer me to a orthopedic, and how long I'll be away from work. It doesn't feel too good being home from work since I'm only hired until september 30th and I don't like being home like this.. Both because I feel bad for my co-workers and also because it doesn't look good when I have to look for another job. I would LOVE to finally be able to start my own business, but that's not done over night.

Well, I saw my doctor two days ago. We agreed to not do anything about my thyroid at this point, mainly because the endocrinologist who's "monitoring" me have a reputation of getting a bit mad when other interfere. He looked at my hand and diagnosed it as dupuytren's contracture, even though none of my fingers have begin to contract yet. I was prescribed a gel that contains Diclofenac and he also sent a referral to the ortopedist, so I'll have to wait for an appointment there. He also put me on sick leave for two more weeks to let it rest a bit.

As far as TTC goes, it'll be 7 dpo tomorrow and I'm so itching to test! But I also know that it's very unlikely to see anything at all this early. I'll do my absolute best to keep myself from testing until at least 8 dpo. I won't be able to contain myself for much longer than that, like the true POAS addict I am. So far no symptoms out of the ordinary.

So far, all my tests has been negative or a super squinter that might as well be my eyes wishing to hard. Either way I'm 10 dpo if I go by body signs and my usual O'day. When I tested this evening I saw some minor spotting. That felt a bit odd since I don't normally start to spot until 12 dpo. So it's 1 of 2 alternatives. 1. I'm 10 dpo and this is IB or 2. I'm actually 12 dpo and it's my regular spotting. I feel like it's probably just my regular spotting that has started and not me having some IB.Oh well, only time will tell...

It wasn't IB... AF arrived this morning. One positive thing though is that the brand of HPT that I tried this time doesn't seem to give any evaps what so ever despite being so sensitive (10 mIU/ml). It feels good to know I fould a brand I can trust and IF I get a line in the future then I know it's not an evap.