Maybe this time we'll win?
Had nexplanon removed in January 2019 and finally started trying after I got my period in Feb 2019. We were unicorns! Everything was great - we even told my parents early as an older family member had a fall and wasn't expected to survive, and they were SO THRILLED!! So, we get to the 8 week scan, and the midwife says what no one wants to hear: "I'm not seeing what I should for 8 weeks." Now, I'm an RN (no OBGYN or Peds experience), but I can read an US machine measuring the embryo at 5 weeks. We get sent for TVUS where they confirm no heartbeat, but set draw my HCG with an order for 48hr after. Well, 48 h later - on the way to catch my flight to my grandma's funeral - confirmation of MC - decreased HCG.
I'm out of state for 4 days or so, but ask to get prescribed misoprostol. 2 rounds fail to work so we schedule the D & C. During recovery from that, we end up having to put down one of our dogs. It was a rough month, y'all. But, we stay on the horse. We wait the 2 weeks after D&C, then back to tracking and timing (this is the beginning of May 2019 now). We get lucky again in June and my hopes sky rocket. Okay, once happens to a lot of people, but 2 - especially in a row - surely not! Except, not not. Same story, except this time the midwife had a student I'd known from my old home state get to witness my heartbeat-less US. Again, HCG drawn and sent to TVUS, again no heartbeat. I demanded referral for testing and the midwife agreed. I skip the misoprotol this time - just get it over with. This time, the D&C is performed by a resident with a medical student watching and a fellow supervising. I requested multiple times to have the tissue tested, and they all acknowledge this. On my drive home, the resident calls to tell me they "accidentally disposed of the products of conception" but that "it was only a 40% chance we'd have learned anything" and "you don't technically have a recurrent miscarriage diagnosis because you haven't had 3." Thanks, I'm so comforted and relieved.
I heal, we track and time. We see an RE and start testing. We learn I have very diminished ovarian reserve, and they recommend IUI. Our insurance doesn't cover this, and we decide the success rate chances just aren't worth it but we'll just see what happens. Early December now, I test early (I know, I know) and see faint, pink line! Thank youuuuu, birthday sex. Until the next day when I don't even need to POAS because the toilet is splashed with dark, red blood. At least there's no waiting period this time.
Early January 2020: visiting my parents in their home state - I test while there, and there's lines. More than one day! I spill to my stepmom, I text my husband, and snap my best friend. I start spotting the day I get on the plane home. I tell those who know: nevermind. I tell the RE: nevermind. A couple days after I get home the spotting has stopped, but I feel off. I pee on FRER to see if the line is gone - it's DARKER. I send a pic to my stepmom and bf - you guys see this, right? I show my husband. I peed on some cheapies. All much darker than before. I message the RE and get orders for HCG and progesterone. Get the first HCG and it's, y'know, a number, and we see progesterone is low. Has this been the problem the whole time? Message the RE for progesterone prescription and they put it in and send a congratulations email with instructions for a health pregnancy. I get the pills and wait. HCG rises! Progesterone also up, but still in the low range. Yikes, okay. Keep taking them pills, honey. Then the spotting starts again - so light, one day there, one day not. RE brings me in for a scan. Nothing but an empty sac. Go get your HCG drawn. Yep, it's down. No need for D&C this time, but the bleeding takes weeks to resolve. We're done, I say. We say. I can't play this game anymore. I get nexplanon put back in.
Well, here's something new: no sex drive, absolutely cannot lose newly gained weight despite working out and running 6 days/week, mood swings. I can't deal with this during COVID, so out it comes. My husband says, "well, what if we just exist like this and whatever happens happens?" Okay. I don't track (except, y'know I kind of do). And here we are. I'm staring at these pictures of, what seems to me to be, a VVFL on a FRER - I'm either 9-10 DPO just going on CM/position. I'm having twinges, pulling/pinches, dull cramping, fuller boobs. Is this it? Is this my eyes playing tricks? My body just being weird? A chemical in the making? Another miscarriage just biding time to break our hearts? Is this... our baby?
2 Comments • 1 year ago
Hi there. Just wanted to say that's one heck of a roller coaster ride. I was in the same position as you after I had my first. My hormones never went back to normal. Used to spot before my periods; which I never did before. When trying for our second, I used to get cps basically every month. I went and did a little bit of research on low progesterone and I had a lot of the symptoms. So, I sat on the fence for a few months after my search on Google contemplating on my what if's, I just said to myself, what's the worst that could happen and made up my mind. On January 2018, I went on Amazon and looked up progesterone cream. Found a brand that I liked (Emerita Progesterone cream; lavender), and placed an order for 2 4oz tubes for a good deal. Did my opks and took my temps, then after ovulation I started using the cream twice a day until af shows then stop. But if you get a bfp, you still need to take it twice a day until roughly 20 weeks. Baby number 3 was a surprise as we were hesitant because of Covid and what the risks would be. I'm using the cream for this pregnancy. My first ultrasound is on June 22 (Monday); sadly due to Covid, he can't come . I just wanted to share my story and that there are other options to explore if the medication isn't up to par. Hang in girl, you got this. Stick baby stick.
1 year ago
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