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Well ad showed up today ..would have been cd 35.....onwards and upwards to the next cycle...at least I can crack open my homemade rhubarb gin that I made now! Every cloud!

Hi Amy
Af got me yesterday too. I cracked open the wine too, I really do know how you feel. Every month I am not pregnant I want it more, when logically I know I don’t need anymore children. And I feel like a crazy woman.
Maybe it’s a part of my life I feel lost without?
Who knows what next month might bring. People used to tell me to stop thinking about it, and I would want to hit them.....hard. But all my pregnancies happened when I decided to move on to something else. Xx

My memories that are coming up on fb at the moment are of my son when he was tiny and it makes me miss him that small so much..not only do we want another baby so our son isn’t an only child but I know that I will enjoy it more this time around ...more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin....I had a bit of a mini breakdown and we filled the day with lots of baking and arts and crafts....a toddler is definitely just what the dr ordered to make your day smile again ...fc for you next month also xxx

Amy I wonder if we will always feel like this all the time, once you have put you heart and soul into ttc, it becomes a habit. Whilst ttc always remember the precious moments in the present with your first born. My ds is five and he amazes me everyday, and my heart bursts when I look at him. Same for my two daughters obviously, but it’s my ds that gives me the feelings of wanting another. Diaughter 1 was so poorly as a baby, dd2 I was pregnant from 4 months of age then miss carried then pregnant instantly again, so never really felt I concentrated on her as a baby and with ds we moved house and that took from when he was born until 6 months to secure the move, then 6-12 months to settle into new home and start a business. I feel I have never just enjoyed the baby days. I am waffling now. Af will be gone in the next day or two, so just going to see what happens naturally. Xx

A little up date....currently on cycle 19.....cd28, 12dpo and af is due on sat according to my app...although I think it is basing this on my last two cycles which have been long....
This month has been a weird one...cramps and pulling galore, brown snotty cm around 7dpo, creamy yellow/peachy tinged cm over the next few days....today I’ve woke up with slight back ache, sore boobs and crampy stomach so yet again I think af is about to rear her ugly head

Just want to update this post in case anybody refers back to it...13dpo today , cd29 and cycle 19 of ttc...no af symptoms as of yet...cm has dried up this past few days and i don’t know if it means anything but I have been burping like mad too and have a few waves of light nausea and sleepiness...cramps are more like twinges now and boobs although not feeling swollen or tender to the touch necessarily they are “throbbing” ...will keep this post up to date

14dpo today and af has not showed her face but a bfn this morning.....huuufffff tender boobs but no cramps....let’s see what the weekend brings ....