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PPD & PPA
I wanted to do a journal to spread awareness of my new tattoos that I recently got since giving birth to my son 4 months ago. Since my son's birth, I developed a severe case of post-partum depression (PPD) and the not so talked about because noone looks for the red flags when they do the screening process; which is post-partum anger (PPA). Mothers who develop post-partum depression and post-partum anxiety may also develop post-partum anger. PPA sent me into a deep hole where I was constantly angry about the tiny little things towards the people around me. To make things even more worse is that I was constantly crying all the time and shutting out the most important people from my life who were simply trying to help me; like my kids and my husband. I decided that I couldn't keep going down this destructive path and that it was finally time to take charge and get my life back on the right track. So, I had to get some courage and to get some help. I got these tattoos to remind myself that life is worth living to the fullest and that I couldn't put my kids through turmoil and making them think that they are to blame for their mother's unhappiness; which they aren't by any means. I lost all my self worth and have no idea who I am as a person on the inside. Every day is a struggle to keep the reoccurring thoughts from entering my mind making me feel helpless and worthless and that I can't seem to do anything right but somehow my mind always reminds me of my kids and that I have to fight for them. I have a rough road ahead of me and I pray that I find the girl who disappeared within herself many years ago and finally finds herself. I forgot to mention that before I announced my first pregnancy on Facebook; one of my friend's posted a "congrats" and I kindly told her that it wasn't her place to say anything. She messaged me back saying, "I guess you aren't proud to be a mother" then blocked me. That statement is still with me today. Being a first time mother should be the best thing to happen to a person and get encouragement. Not words like that. So it hit me pretty hard and that was all I thought about and it reflected towards my daughter as I didn't feel the love towards her. Thank you for taking your time in reading this and please feel free to comment. As a mother, I know that I am not alone. If there are any ladies going through this, please know that you are not alone. Let's all fight this together as life is worth living to the fullest.
13 Comments • 5 years ago • Edited
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Comments
Awww Dragonfly23 your tattoos are beautiful, I'm sure you'll be able to make them perfect the way you want them too Take no notice of the friends comments about not being proud to be a mum. She was absolutely out of order, not you and she should have never wrote that without permission. Glad to hear your babies are doing well, and you can enjoy them. Sorry to hear about your friends mum also xxx
5 years ago
Hello my Friend! :) I'm sorry to chime in so late, but it's been very hectic here and my Mom is in a hospital again and with some complications. But I just wanted to say that your updated tattoo looks beautiful and you have NO reason to worry about it! Sometimes we are our worst critics! But it's a meaningful tattoo and it is looking nice! :) Maybe it just takes time to embrace it and get used to it. :) Big hugs!
5 years ago
Little update: I have made little changes to the little dragonflies but more work is needed as things didn't go as planned at my last session. I have gotten used to them as my husband made a good point. Since I hated the outcome the first time around and was considering laser removal that if I did that I would be removing a piece of my kids. I still wish I had the same design as the big one and that I should have waited till I had the drawing. I go in to finish the dragonflies on May 13, plus I am also getting more added to the artwork to finish it up so that it all ties together. I am actually excited about getting them finished. I will post the final piece.
@hope4rainbowbaby. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she is doing better and is on the road to making a full recovery. So true, we are our own worst critic and we have to be very careful on what we feed our minds. What we think is what we become
4 years ago • Post starter
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