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Down today...

Cramping badly like AF is trying to show up a couple days early. Nothing but BFN hpts all weekend, I didn't even bother to test this morning. After a $1 Walmart brand test gave me a late positive look-a-like I kind of started to hope... That's how I got my first positive with my rainbow baby and oldest son was a late positive on one of those tests even though others were neg, the next day I started seeing positives. Not the case this time, I think it is just a convincing, solid, colored evap teasing me. So I am out this cycle...

I know it was only our first cycle TTC#3, but I was hoping to get lucky like with #2 and conceive our first try again. I needed to mentally. My husband's brother is with a horrible woman, a homewrecker he hooked up with while he was still married. Their marriage wouldn't have worked out anyways, but still. She is a horrible person, a bad mother to the one kid she already has (brother in law not the daddy of that one), and she came up "accidentally" pregnant when we all know it was probably on purpose on her part to use as a weapon against my brother in law. It makes me sick.... a person like that can get pregnant just like that while I have a horrible time getting pregnant actually trying....

With AF lurking a day or so away, my emotions are a wreck anyways. I passed down the opportunity to get a puppy I was really attached to because we're trying to get pregnant and the 3 and almost 5 year old's I have take up all my time. My oldest is hyperactive and they really didn't know how to treat a puppy. It was best for the puppy and he is in a wonderful home, but I'm still sad about it and the fact I'm not pregnant. 12dpo, I've always gotten noticeable positives by now with all my other pregnancies, so I know I'm out. This cramping is a sign, too, and actually wouldn't be surprised if AF showed up early today, she's been doing that a lot lately...
I hate AF moodiness...

But, fingers crossed for next cycle...


2 Comments • 1 year ago



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I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I've only been trying for 5 cycles now with our 6th and it has never taken me this long to get pregnant either. I say that with much tenderness because I know there are women out there who try for years and probably don't understand our boo-hooing about a few months, but it is different for everyone, and I am getting older now(39), so I'm worried it's going to take a while. I understand how you feel in that way. I am also in an emotional rollercoaster; my 16 year old son (who has his own 7 month old son) thinks he knows everything and ran away because apparently this is a terrible place to live because my husband and I argue sometimes. Frickin who doesn't?? My son is totally jaded about how life really is and has no idea how good he actually has it, and it's very insulting as a mother to hear that. I've been on the phone all day with the police and the school and the social workers and I could about lose it. Sorry but when I read your posting I thought it might be nice to get a little off of my chest too. Even if this isn't your cycle, let's both remember that our bodies have done this before quickly and they will most likely do it quickly again! FX my dear.

1 year ago

Thank you so much for sharing. So sorry to hear about your 16 year old son... teenagers think they have life figured out and get rebellious if you don't agree with their life methods. I'm not looking forward to the teenage years with the two sons I have.... Sorry you are going through this. And I know not getting pregnant the first few cycles is nothing compared to other women... I was one of those women trying for years before finally getting pregnant just to have a missed miscarriage at 19 weeks.... I've been there and I am just terrified of experiencing that all over again. So I guess this could be a form of PTSD for fear of taking forever to conceive again. I'm terrified of reliving any of those events.... So I just wanted a quick and easy time again like with my second...

Fingers crossed we all get BFP next cycle!


1 year ago • Post starter

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