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I have no idea anymore. The playbook went out the window.
I'm losing my mind! 
I was so done with the idea of pregnancy. The loss in October gutted me. The surprise pregnancy and then loss the very next day in December was just one final blow. I haven't opened up this forum (except for a few moments just this past week to check on some friends). I haven't opened up my period/fertility apps on my phone. Honestly even seeing babies on social media was hurting me. Hubby and I decided to delay our foster to adopt after all, even though we lost the pregnancy, because it was too difficult to think about.
So here we are again. I have no idea when we BD-ed. I have no idea how far along I am, it can only be so far since my loss was 12/28. I went from not being able to get pregnant to three pregnancies since September?!? Is there something in the water??? Is it because I had completely given up and the universe is playing a game with me? 
The only reason I tested now was because a toddler told me that I had a baby in my belly. Yes, you read that right. A 2/3 year old pointed to me and said "I no jump on you. baby in belly. girl baby in belly." It got stuck in my head for days and I couldn't shake it. I wasn't expecting to start my next cycle for another week or so, but I told hubby to buy a test and boom it was two dark lines immediately.
We are both so worried, but I called my mom. She told me to be happy today, because the baby is here today and that's all we have.
So who wants to follow along on this crazy rollercoast?
14 Comments • 5 years ago
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Thanks ladies! I'm so many emotions I have no idea what I am. My husband told me that he had no idea what my mood was and I told him, me either!
I'm having labs done today: hcg and progesterone. I'm worried already though because I compulsively took another test and it wasn't as dark. I don't know why I do that to myself!
Oh that's interesting about the twin question. I guess I'll know based on the hcg levels.
5 years ago • Post starter
Hcg was 40.
Nurse said it was low-ish, but we don't really know my dates so I'm not sure what it means yet.
She is using the date I started bleeding with my loss last month as the date for my lmp. I had labs that day though and my hcg was 24. So it really isn't the best day to use imo. I would say the start of the next cycle would have been when my hcg went to 0 a few days later.
I go back Monday for more labs. They're expecting my hcg to be 160 or higher by then.
So I'm into the long wait until the results Tuesday! 
Meanwhile I'm on a low dose aspirin, which is new. Apparently I tested positive for a few different clotting issues. 
Maybe this will be the change I need?!?
Thank you ladies for the support. I haven't told a soul, just my hubby and mom. I haven't even told my bff because I feel like everytime I tell her, I have to turn around and tell her it's a loss. She lost twins to still birth a few years ago, and it feels like salt on a wound.
5 years ago • Post starter
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