Cycle day 1 // Here we go again
Cycle day 1 makes me feel betrayed by my own body and embarrassed for not being able to function as I was supposed to.
..On cycle day one I feel like I’m balancing in a thin rope. Balancing between last DPO and CD1.
Last Dpo is where my hopes are still on the highest and where I’m symptom spotting even though I try to ignore it. It is the day when I finally made it after the long two week wait and I believe that I will never see again any more opks, my fertility app or take again my bbt.. Is the day that I still believe that I’m this girl who will get a super late bfp after all the negatives. It is the day that the spotting starts and I still kinda try to believe it’s a very late and unique implantation bleeding.......
Cycle day one is the end of my last dpo. Is the day when I feel so confused and I refuse to let my chart go... I feel I worked so hard to get to this point, I cannot just start a new one. It cannot be true. It looked so promising... Is the day I feel so numb and unmotivated that I believe I will not be able to start all over again. Is the day when no one around me understands why I’m so distant and sad. Is the day that I don’t even want to take my vitamins, supplements anymore... everything is so useless, what’s the point? It’s the day when poor DH have to act super happy in front of me trying to cheer me up. It’s the day when my hopes crushed once again.......
12 Comments • 1 year ago
Omg this is how I feel each month. So deflated Once I've ovulated all I want to do is go to bed as soon I get up to see what my temp is the following day. It's almost like I'm a zombie going through the motions until I can test again It's horrible. Optimism and then the feeling of dispair. Men just don't get it sometimes xxx
1 year ago
One more cycle passed and here I am again. Cd 1 again. Thankfully I’m not as depressed as I used to be the last few cycles but I’m not excited either. I tried so hard and at some point I really believed that I made it. But of course no... It’s been so many years and I should have known better.. This is not gonna be easy and probably it’s never gonna happen...
CD1 is by far the worst day of each month and there is nobody in real life who could understand how I really feel....
Let’s put the happy mask on and pretend that everything is ok and that I’m just another one healthy girl that gets her regular period... Don’t mind me. I’m thankful that I’m getting my period regularly and I’m blessed that I’m not dealing with super irregular cycles. I’m sending so many prayers to all women who dealing with this... I just want for once in my life my period not to come so I can have a little baby... that’s all
CD1 I hate you.
1 year ago • Edited • Post starter
8 Years of hoping and 10 cycles of tracking and here I am again heading to cycle 11 of my official TTC journey. CD 1 came early evening yesterday. I was waiting for it but I kinda also wasn’t... I’m crying and asking why? It’s been so many years... Why can’t I do this?
I am a dancer and a dance teacher practicing my art since I remember my self and I always been taught that true dedication and daily effort will give you results.. And my whole life I was doing this with amazing achievements. It’s so hard for me to accept that this method doesn’t apply to anything in life... Doesn’t apply when ttc...
Now I’m just praying for the days to pass fast so I can feel better... this is so hard...
1 year ago • Post starter
Hello, this is the first time I ever comment on this posts, I’m more of an expectator because at this point I feel so discouraged. It’s been two years for me, 24 LONG cycles of testing from ovulation, temperatures, late periods; so pregnancy tests, blood work... and when I just feel it that it will be this cycle, the heartbreak is worse. I’m even embarrassed to go to my Dr. office because they must think I’m crazy. I have a somehow short lutheal phase of 10 days. I bought progesterone topical cream, I’ve bought conception pills. My Dr. says I’m healthy but so then what?!! I go through this alone because my DH just doesn’t get it. He says it’ll happen one day but this things don’t just magically happen. I’m sorry I’m just overwhelmed at this point. I really don’t know what to do now.
1 year ago
Stephanie hi! I’m so sorry you feeling so stressed.. I know exactly how you feel and I don’t have many words to make you feel better about all this.We are at the same boat here..
My husband also is kinda the same. Even tho he wants a baby as much as I do, He thinks that it’s just gonna happen and that there is no point to put extra stress on our mind.
The only thing I know for sure is that all this time reading forums and stories, I saw so many ladies with fertility issues like us, ladies who were struggling for so long and having multiple heartbreaks cycle after cycle, to get eventually their BFP... I’m praying and hoping our time will come soon.
Have your husband been checked? If you say that everything is ok with you, maybe he needs some treatments?
1 year ago • Post starter
Here we go again on cycle 13 of TTC and exact 8 years of not preventing it... CD1 for once more and I’m not enjoying this at all anymore! I wasn’t expecting more this cycle tbh but it’s always so sad when you’re in the bed feeling that the witch is here and going to the bathroom just to make sure of it... sitting there at the age of fucking 36 soon to be 37 without ever being pregnant. Looking at this disappointment on the mirror unable to do anything... This is so fucking unfair and I hate TTC
11 months ago • Post starter
I'm so sorry @Alexplpl. I am 41 and recently had my first true BFP and loss at 7 weeks. We have been TTC for 6 months. The struggle is real and the emotions are such a roller coaster. I even went for another scan yesterday hoping somehow after a week of bleeding and low temps that my baby had survived just to see an empty screen. It's heart wrenching and i just wanted to let you know that we all feel it and are here to support you. AFM i have to wait until my body figures out its not pregnant before my cycle will start again and we can try. It's a cruel waiting game no matter where you are in your cycle until you hold that baby in your arms. I hope you get your BFP soon.
11 months ago
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