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Birthday 35

Today mark's 35 years, I have been on this planet. About 30 of it, I have been saying "when I grow up, I want to be a MOM." Kids before 20, nope, kids before 25, nope, kids before 30, nope, kids before 35 nope. The ach in my heart I thought got better when I turned 30, that I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I still did not have the greatest job in the world, being a mom. But now the ache is worse. Today, I yearn, long, pray for a child. I was hoping that I would get my BFP before I turned 35 but the Lord has decided thats not what he wants for me. I do not understand why. It sucks. It hurts. I wanna scream. I wanna kick. I wanna say it's not fair. Never in a million years would I ever thought I would be childless at 35 or that it would be so difficult for me to conceive. That not in any of my 19 years of being active that I wouldnt even have a scare. I have never saw two pink lines. I feel cheated. I feel wronged.
It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want too.

2 Comments • 5 years ago • Edited

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Beulah

I know. I feel you. I've been the same way.
Lately, my husband and I have been studying Genesis. We read about Abraham who was steady and patient, knowing God would keep His promises even if it took multiple generations to achieve. We read about Joseph who had a dream of his father and mother and brothers bowing down to him -- and he was able to humbly serve with excellence even when he was rejected by his brothers, even when he was sold into slavery, even when he was a slave, even when he was falsely accused, even when he was thrown into prison, even when the cupbearer forgot to put in a good word for him FOR TWO YEARS!
I'm shifting my focus to follow God's big plan, even if it doesn't look like I thought it should. And I have confidence that, in the end, it's going to be better than anything I ever imagined. And if God has promised me children, he will give them at the right time. I've got to trust that!

5 years ago

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Alexplpl

I feel your pain and frustration. In 21 days I will be 36.. Never been pregnant in my life! Everybody told me when I was younger to check my fertility but I was too scared I would hear something I didn’t like. I thought that this would never happen to me and that infertility is something rare and that I was too special to deal with it pffff ????
And year after year time flew and now here I am. I checked my self one year ago and nothing too serious with my fertility except one blocked Fallopian tube. But no babies yet... Each month I say I’m giving up and each time I cannot get it out of my mind. So here I am.. In a forum where I know each and everyone here can understand 100%..
Cheer up girl! You’re not alone. Not that this will ease your pain but you can always talk about it here till your little miracle come.. I believe it will come, I have to believe... we have to believe!!!!