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Who Else Feels Like They're Crazy While TTC?

So today is CD 6 for me. This will be our 3rd month TTC for baby #3 - I spent a collective 15 years TTC for my first 2 babies. Anybody else feel like you're hanging onto the TTC Crazy Train by the skin of your teeth?!

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Linda

33 Replies • 6 years ago


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Come join us the October 2018 babies forum


please excuse any typos as I'm on my cell phone

6 years ago


But I'm not pregnant yet ... ?


Linda

6 years ago • Post starter


@2Frsty. You don't have to be. I am in that group too. It's for ladies who are either waiting to ovulate, and ladies in the two week wait. Hope to see you there. Lots of wonderful ladies.


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6 years ago


I'm about to post for the first time in it!


Linda

6 years ago • Post starter


@2Frsty I see you have two angel babies. May I ask what happened? If i'm prying, please ignore me. I have an angel baby, as well. She was born at 23 weeks.


Lil 10/28/17 User image

6 years ago


@neomasie I have one angel and one living. My son John is a healthy Autistic 4 year old who's mouth I often fantasize of taping shut! My daughter Abbi Mae was born with a cluster of congenital birth defects (only one kidney, and an imperforate anus), the most severe of which was multiple rare heart defects. After two minor surgeries during a 28 day stay in the Level 4 NICU, we were finally able to bring her home right before Christmas 2016! They wanted her weight to be at least 5 kilos before we went for her first open heart surgery to repair the defects, so we got to spend 5 beautiful months with her before we went in. It was a tedious 5 months, as I had to document every bottle (how many oz and times given), weigh her every day, and check her SpO2 (blood oxygen level) every day, but it eventually became routine. We went for surgery on April 13, 2017 and everything went fine. She just wasn't able to recover. On day 3 her heart stopped during a procedure to repair a leak her dialysis tube, requiring the surgeon to have to manually restart her heart. It was then that she was placed on ECMO life support, to allow her heart and lungs to rest. We tried every 48 hours to pull her from ECMO, but she was able to make it less and less time with every attempt, and always needed to go back on ECMO. On 26 April we came back from dinner to see that her hands and feet were purplish black (her body had begun shunting blood flow from the extremities to her core to support her heart and lungs, a process called "mottling") , so we asked to speak to the Intensivist working that night. After telling him not to bullshit me, I asked if my daughter was dying, and he said yes. We were going to be transferred to Dallas Children's to have her evaluated for a heart transplant, but her single kidney had shut down completely, which bumped her off the heart list. But her heart being shot bumped her off the kidney list. She would need both organs, and in an adult that wouldn't be a problem. But an infant? Almost impossible. When I asked him what the best case scenario would be if we COULD get her the transplants, his reply made up my mind for me. Due to the lack of blood supply to her extremities, even if we got her a new heart and kidney the next day, she would lose both legs above the knee, and both hands almost to the elbow. That was it for me and my husband. I could make the choice for her to have a huge scar on her chest, I could make the choice for her to have a colostomy bag; I could NOT make the choice to remove my baby's arms and legs. I would be consigning her to a life of total reliance on someone else. She would never feed herself. She would never bathe herself. Never be able to rock her children to sleep. That, I couldn't do. So we stayed with her that night and told her surgeon, Camille, the next morning that we would be taking her off ECMO. Even Camille was in tears. But she knew Abbi was dying, just like we did. While I waited for her to finish with the surgery she had scheduled that day, I spent the morning getting my sweet girl ready for her big date with Jesus. I used some J&J bath wipes to scrub the dried blood off of her and the ultrasound goop from her hair. I put J&J lotion on her little body so that she would once again smell like my baby girl and not a hospital. I polished her fingernails and toenails with a pretty hot pink polish that the nurses bought for us, because every little girl needs their nails painted at least once! Once Camille was finished in the OR, she returned to remove all of Abbi's chest tubes, and she allowed me the privilege of assisting her while she removed all the tubes and stitched her back up. She asked me while we were working if I was OK, since she knows I faint at the sight of blood. I smiled and told her, "She's my daughter. I can do anything for my daughter." Camille helped me to put on her last diaper (even though she didn't need it), and to dress her in a sweet pair of jammies that she'd never worn, and to put a bow on her little head. Once we were finished, Camille left the room in tears. The nurses had scared me up a rocking chair, and after my husband and our parents had said their goodbyes, the nurses laid her one more time in my lap. I snuggled her favorite blanket around her, and as the nurses left I whispered, "Please turn off the machines." I just rocked my girl and stroked her face and told her how much I loved her. And 5 minutes later she was gone.

I know that's probably WAY more than you bargained for, but I can't seem to tell the story any other way. I am truly so sorry for your loss; the loss of a child is one no parent should have to bear. But if we spend all our time focusing on what's behind us, we'll miss the blessings in front of us! This was the last picture I took of Abbi Mae before surgery; she was taken to the OR a few hours later.

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Linda

6 years ago • Post starter


@2Frsty. Your story made me cry. I've never lost a child before but I felt your pain in the words as you wrote. She is such a beautiful baby and in my heart I feel you did the right thing. She will always be with you in your heart and in your dreams. So sorry.


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6 years ago


Thank you. And I'm sorry I made you cry! To be honest, I wasn't the one who wanted to TTC again, it was DH. I'm absolutely terrified of going through it again, but after talking with Camille a few weeks ago and finding out that our chances of having another heart baby, while they are higher than the general population, are not very high. And to be honest, if I could go back knowing that I would lose her, I still would've TTC to get her. So we'll just deal with whatever comes. God will have to get us through it! I'll be high risk because of my age (35), and I'll be oober high risk because of Abbi's history, but hopefully all will be well! How long have you been TTC?


Linda

6 years ago • Post starter


Oh hun. It wasn't in a bad way. I'm a very compassionate woman who feels every pain and suffering the other person is going through. It's sad when kids die and it literally breaks ny heart. Babies should never go before the parents. Just remember that she is always with you and you will have another heart baby. My husband I have been trying since May for bqby #2. I think last month I had a chemical pregnancy (you can check my tests) but don't think it was or don't want to believe. I believe my progesterone was low as i lack of creamy cm after ovulation. Now that I started it, i have had more. Not so much today but it's there. Plus I'm taking Maca, prenatal vitamines and conceive easy. I have a good feeling about this month so will have to see. I'm in the October 2018 forum.


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6 years ago • Edited


Hi ladies
Just have to say I can identify with the question in you post. I feel like I’ve lost my mind...
My body is telling me I’m pregnant and the test are saying the opposite. I’m 10 dpo today. Have had a few very very faint lines maybe evaps and a lot of dye runs but no
Yesterday felt like I had implantation cramping. Which if that was what was happening, the earliest I’d get a positive would be tomorrow.
I just keep thinking how can I manifest symptoms that are so real? Have I lost my mind?

6 years ago


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