Community post

The Follow-Up

So the wicked witch came and visted me on December 13th.. unfortunately she's still hanging around and I'm a little worried that I've been bleeding this long. I haven't had a period last more than 5 days since I was in high school. Another abnormality is that the entire time I've been either med, light or spotting and it ranges. A day I thought I was off me and hubby made love and I ended up still bleeding after we did. I'm starting to get drustrated allthough I know everything in God's time is perfect time.

Honestly, I'm more disappointed in my health. Went to the doctor earlier this week because I wasn't feeling well and I'm now 228. I've never been this big in my life but with everything that is going on with my husband's Worker's Comp case, our small claims lawsuit, unemployment and my job and family... I'm stressed out. And after talking with my husband yesterday I know that it's all this drama with my family and our relocation and the planning of my mom's 50th birthday the 2nd week of January. I'm frustrated about so many things on so many different levels I'm convinced I'm doing this to myself. But I don't know how to stop it.

I try to get motivated to go out and walk or just be outside but for some reason sitting at this desk all day for 8 hours and having no real work to do drains the crap out of me. Last week my husband and I got into a full blown argument over the smallest dumbest thing ever and at the end of it all I broke down crying and saying "I just want to leave. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to go. I just want to go. I don't want to be here I just want to leave." Honestly, it was flipping hilarious after I was done crying because I sounded like a little kid but when my husband started laughing and trying to hide it I couldn't even break long enough to laugh with him at me (which I usually do when I know I'm being unreasonable lol).

Now with the New Year plans coming up we've decided to do New Year's alone, just him and I, doing something we've never done for New Year's before. I really do just want to leave. That trip to Colorado just made me want to leave even more. And to top it off.. All the assumptions that my family is putting out there about how well we will like it and what isn't good about our desire to move is just pushing me farther and farther away and making that desire deeper and deeper in my heart. Now that I think about it... having a child isn't my first priority right now, mainly because I know I can't control when it happens.

PLease pray for me everyone!

"Whatever is to be, must be" - Bob Marley

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