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laurengruwell

Bummed

So.. I just was cleaning through some papers and saw a journal entry on a piece of paper I wrote in November of 2011. I was talking about how I was sad because we had been trying for 3 months to get pregnant and hadn't conceived.

Little did I know that here it would be July of the following year and I would have lost two babies. I thought for sure I was pregnant this cycle.. but now i'm not sure, and it's making me sad! I hate not knowing and I've been testing too early because i'm way to anxious, but I just keep getting negatives. I know I need to just chill and WAIT to test.. it makes it worse when you test early I swear!

I think i'm ready to just give up and stop testing and caring.. maybe then i'll have a baby. I got on facebook today and 3 new people announced they are pregnant. I'm ready to delete my account. I shouldn't be sad about their happiness.. I know that's no way to be. I should be happy for them, this is just a really sensitive subject for me right now. It seems like so many people can just get pregnant and not worry about loosing their baby. I worry if I breathe wrong i'm gonna MC lol!!

I just PRAY I can get pregnant soon and that the progesterone the doctor gave me will work!! I want to be a mom so bad! This is so hard... and I feel bad for anyone who has to go through repeated MC and not be able to figure out what's going on. My next step i'm thinking is gonna have to be getting some further testing done to see why I can't keep my babies. :/

2 Comments • 11 years ago

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janeann44

Poor thing, you're in my prayers. Heartbreaking to hear about your MC's! I'm right there with you with FB, I see the same thing- and a lot of them are accidents! I'm like What!? Seriously!? I'm temping, OPK'ing, and they are just getting preggers with no effort at all! Sigh. Don't be yourself up for not being "thrilled" for them, and no when you do finally have your baby you will appreciate that baby so much, and be the happiest mommy around! :) Baby Dust to you!!