Community post

Hello again ladies!

Thank you SO much for the warm welcome - it's nice to know I can expect some support on fairly short notice!

Missy, I've called the clinic but privacy laws don't allow them to release my results SO I guess I'll have to wait until our appointment with the specialist on Thursday. Boo.

Court & Missy, I know right? Intense to read through ALL the messages but I do believe in background information before I post onto any forum (to avoid improper comments or insensitive messages) so I do my research! I loved all of them and some messages even made me very emotional while reading them. At first I had to get used to the short form of some of the terms (may be different in the US..) but I got it!

As far as censorship - you shouldn't feel censored when posting here - from what I read we are all mature women and can handle it! lol

Have you ladies tried blogging? I LOVE to blog (have 3 of them - one for my business, a pregnancy/diabetes blog and a craft blog). I think this may be helpful for you if you need a release. I feel it's helped me and right now I just use it as a form of journal-ling that I hope to use when we TTC#2 (if I ever BFP with #1!). I try to write about different things that I think of or things I find online that have helped me. If you're interested, here's my blog URL: www.inthefives.wordpress.com / I' type1 diabetic as well so I refer to a lot of diabetic related things as well.

Am I the only one that gets knots in her stomach when I think of all of this? I hate how it's making me sick... and worried and stressed...and everything else in between. I'm so sick of not knowing and of wanting to give up. I try to keep positive but it's SO hard. I'm not even doing clomid or anything yet but damn, the disapointment is brutal. The other thing is my DH. He's SO excited about having a baby and I just can't bear his face when I tell him that my temp dropped and AF is coming... how do you deal?

Xox,
Dree (short for Andree)

Dree, we all have knots in our stomach. It's awful. We know how you feel. Try to find comfort in knowing that SO MUCH will happen for you in the right direction as soon as you meet with the specialist. Clomid, no clomid, it doesn't matter; he/she will set a path for you that will work!

Um, so I laughed when I read your post, too, because I feel sort of like a story book character...still so impressed with your reading.

Congrats on your blogs. They sound wonderfully helpful for you. I'll check them out!

I actually was coming on here to post because I found someone's incredible interest board all about infertility and TTC. It made me laugh and cry. It's all so very true.

Thought you might enjoy as well...

http://pinterest.com/mrsc919/my-fertility/

Let's all try to stay positive this month! Feeling down gets us no where!

Thanks :)

I will follow that board for SURE. My god I haven't laughed like that in a while - save for 1 hour ago when my friend (who's also diabetic) told me that her finger squirted for the first time (that doesn't normally happen.. lol)

I love this one:

SO my situation right now.. my hubby's brother is expecting a little girl in November and we are thrilled but... it's not fair! We were so upset when we found out... at the time I felt selfish to feel that way but now I know why. We thought we had done it ALL right - we got married, bought a house, both have very steady jobs and we were ready for the next step but NO. Gr. It's not that easy obviously. (and I don't mean you need all those things to have a baby, Missy don't think that please!).

On a lighter note - here's a forum post I found on babycenter.com which I think will make you ladies LYFAO.

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a34944049/is_it_a_good_time_for_a_bite_me_thread

Enjoy.. I sure did!

D

Starting out with the good news, I got offered the job - YAY :) I was offered significantly less that I thought and quite a bit lower than my current position, so I'm a little hesitant to lock into a year-long contract. Little bit to think about... just glad that things are looking up a bit.

Don't feel bad about all the hpts, Court. I've bought SIX for this month. I'm feeling good (not really but I'm trying to psych myself up :)) and I am probably going to test too early. I'm just giving into it this month. I think I get more stressed not testing. It gives me a little bit of solace for the day - getting my bearings on what is and isn't - not obsessing about every itty bitty (possibly imagined) symptoms. We'll see if this calms my nerves any this month.

I really need to get into a habit of temping. My bf doesn't look like I'm a crazy person anymore when I do it first thing in the morning, so that's a good thing :) I also need to get into the habit about not hitting the snooze button. I think solving one problem might remedy the other.

Dree, I loved the blogs. I'm sure it is a great release, and you absolutely have a knack for writing. I'm looking forward to reading more and keeping up with your progress and thoughts.

About the knots... yeah, I don't know if I remember what it is like to not be in knots... and I've never been more anxious than I have been the past few months. In the spirit of sharing and really getting some things off my chest, I've always had a big problem with anxiety - and I took medicine (daily) for years... I quit taking anything and everything 3 months before we really started trying. Now, my blood pressure has shot up... I've been going to dr and they have been trying to get it under control, but it is still kind of high. Obviously, this really isn't something I am completely comfortable with sharing. It's a little embarrassing - but it is what it is. I know it isn't as tough as what you are going through with your diabetes, Dree, but I guess I can relate to an extent.

LOVED the Pinterest board, Court! I followed it immediately! Pretty sure that you saw I started following you when we all initially gave our user names, and I am a big fan of your pins. I'm going to start liking and repinning with reckless abandon, and I thought I should warn you first :) I apologize in advance for all of the notification emails :) (and the ecard was super great, Dree - those always make my day! And, the bite me thread - classic, awesome, and needed!!! Thanks for sharing!! Keep'm coming!! :) )

No worries about your feelings about getting it "ALL right" - I know that I've chosen a little bit of a different path that isn't for everyone. We're different - I'm cool with that - trust me, if I wasn't I would not be spouting off at the mouth like I am :) Before we were trying, one of my best friends was just getting pregant like it was nothing - THREE kids, 11 - ELEVEN!!! - months apart - HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE! It's Irish triplets!! I know that her sister-in-law was doing IVF during the first two pregnancies, my friend talked about how she couldn't even talk to her - I think I get it now. People who aren't in this position DO NOT get it - at all - I've resigned myself to that... (btw - her sister-in-law conceived TRIPLETS the 3rd IVF - always hope!!)

So, the quick and dirty about how I deal... I don't. I'm a frickin' hot mess. My only way I am dealing with it, I think, is to keep reminding myself that feeling the way I do is natural and (mentally) giving myself the latitude to have bad days without remorse or reservation. The trick is to not stay mired in those thoughts - it's tough, but I've been kind of proud of myself for holding it together as much as I do. My bf is amazing - sure, I think he is too positive and a little naive - but it is a good balance.

(this month the mood swings have hit me like a 10 ton hammer... I just need to see that smiley face... should have seen it today, but I'm trying to think happy thoughts...)

much love to you ladies!

hello ladies

Welcome Dree to our group!!! I honestly think this forum has been the best thing that has happened to me. I did not have anyone to talk to and be truly honest with the hardship of not being about to conceive as easily as everyone around me. These girls are totally awesome! You are very lucky that you get to see a specialist right away. This makes your TTC journey that much closer to having a beautiful baby in your arms. Seems like Thursday is both our anticipated day. I will have to check out your blogs.

As far as your short luteal phase I've seen many of our patients get prescribed progesterone suppositories or even just using the progesterone capsules intravaginally since the suppositories are pretty expensive and may not be covered. If that is problem then it may be a pretty easy fix hopefully!

Missy CONGRATS on the job offer! That is pretty awesome. Let the positive energy embrace you. Being tied down for a year may not be as bad as you think. Time really does fly by and it will be over before you know it. But of course you need to think about all options.

I think temping is great. Missy just think of it as part of your daily routine and you'll be doing it even without thinking about it. I wish I could STOP. I tried but failed miserably. I felt more stressed out when I didnt. I have even dreamt of temping. I know Im a little crazy but seeing that temp stay high gives me peace of mind. It is really hard to break a habit I have been doing daily since Sept. I think I had only missed one day. It has saved me lots of money because I knew I did not have to take a hpt once my temp was decreasing and it would not give me no false hope.

And missy I hope you see your smiley face tomorrow!

Court keeping my fingers crossed for you. I hope this round of clomid is the final one.

As for me I have been working like crazy. I think this is the first night in a while that Im not already in bed. I cant make it passed midnight lately. I usually am able to stand all day at work without getting the chair but lately 12 hours seem like an eternity. Still no real symptoms which worries me a bit but maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones. I spoke with my mom and she said she never had any real symptoms either. Still anxiously awaiting Thursdays appointment.

Hey there,

Dree, I know what you mean about getting your ducks in a row and doing it right, and I know you didn't mean to offend Missy. We all have felt that way. I'm an SLP at a charter school servicing inner city kids from broken homes. It seems like any 17 year-old not married, no boyfriend, no job girl can have her second or third baby, but not me.

Mis, CONGRATS ON THE JOB!! It doesn't matter, even if you don't accept it, it's good to feel wanted and like you are in control.

As for the anxiety, seriously? You're like writing my novel! I have been struggling with anxiety (and I think depression) for a while now. I was always prone to anxiety, but never really wanted to accept/admit it. I haven't not been on any meds since the start of TTC, over a year ago. I think the added stress of infertility has turned my anxious tendencies into a full-blown disorder. One more thing...

WE ARE ALL HOT MESSES! I even scare myself sometimes. But you're right, we need to give ourselves time to have bad days. Trying to be everything to everyone and the strong one won't do us much good.

Lisette! How did your appointment go?? Or is it next thursday? I have a question, when you got pregnant did all the anger and bitterness and negativity vanish for you? I'm not saying you, specifically, had all those feelings but I certainly am having them. I'm worried if/when this ever happens for me, I will be so exhausted and mentally drained, I won't have my regular old self left in here to be excited and overjoyed. I am worried my feeling will be 'well it's about time'. I don't want to feel that way if I ever get a BFP, but I'm just so worried this process has changed me in a way I can't repair.

Ladies, hope you all have a good day!

Hello again!

Missy, CONGRATS! :) It is so nice to feel wanted by a company or by anyone in general - major morale booster :)

First off, do NOT feel like my diabetes is somehow more important or more 'difficult' than anything you are going through. Life is tough and it's just not fair.

My issue around my diabetes (which I'm sure you read in my blog) is that I've worked SO hard in the last 2 years to get my blood sugars within the safe range for conception (before it is deemed safe by a doctor to conceive with type 1 diabetes, you have to get your HbA1C (% of your blood sugars during 3 months) under 7%... it was VERY difficult and I worked myself to the bone to do it... and now that I did it (yay!) I can't even have a baby....*I want to cry* Added to that all the possible issues that may affect my future baby once I AM pregnant... oh stress.

I cannot imagine how it feels to have anxiety... my brother suffers from anxiety and I do not wish it upon anyone. Is the medication you take for it dangerous for conception? It seems ironic that you should have to STOP your meds to conceive and when you can't, it sets you over the edge but you're stuck because you can't treat it. I'm so sorry you both are dealing with this.

Missy - I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you this month!! YAY for hope and positive thoughts. For me, I told myself I would stop temping until I saw the specialist but I doubt I'll be able to! lol.. knowing is addictive I think!

Speaking of temping, my fertility specialist (funny how I call her my when I haven't even met her!) write a blog for the fertility clinic and it's very interesting. She writes so well and is so funny. If you girls are interested, here's a link to a particular post about ovulation I found interesting and light. http://www.conceive.ca/blog/2012/01/14/timing-it-right/

Court, when you find out you are pregnant after all this time you will feel a mix of emotions and none of them (from what I can tell about you already) will be negative or resentful towards the process. You will LOVE and CHERISH that child before it even flutters in your stomach. I try to tell myself that when we do get pregnant, we will cherish and appreciate our child more than people who got pregnant right away (I don't know if that's possible but I tell myself that..) and that we will feel like they are our little miracle. Don't give up hope in yourself please, you are strong and you deserve this and when it happens, you will find yourself again and all the stress of not being able to conceive will disappear.

Much love,
Dree

Ps. Try to be positive today - you deserve it!

Ok, so you ladies are convincing me to go out and buy another thermometer. Guess I'll be temping again. :) I need to save the money on hpts.

Dree, thanks for the link. I like the reminder to BD every other day, rather than every day around the time of ovulation. We tend to do it every day, because not doing it feels silly...but the specialists are right...every 48 hours!

Dree, I'm so proud of what you've accomplished with your diabetes. It is one extra hurdle you had to get over before you even ended up here. The dissapoinment that it's not working is -I'm sure- even more overwhelming because of how hard you've worked. Just think, though, if you can go through that and get that done, you can go through this, too! You can manipulate your body and have ultimate control! This is no different! I so hope that you have a short lp and that's it and that clomid is an easy fix for you.

As for the feeling down, I do already love this baby and it doesn't even exist yet. My friend and I call it a 'poppyseed' and now I've started calling my baby my 'pre-poppy' because it doesn't exist as a poppyseed yet, but I love it like crazy! My favorite infertility quote is, "Already in my heart, someday in my arms."

I just worry that I've grown old from this process and that I'm jaded now. :(

Another fight with DH last night. Ug. He brought up the 'emotional roller coaster' comment again. AGAIN! He laughed and asked, "Do you not think you're on one?"

I figured something out with him...he plays devils advocate to try to make me feel better, but it always comes across as disagreeing with me and therefore not supporting me. It's not intentional and he loves me so much, but any time I bring up a negative thought he immediately tells me I'm wrong and says the opposite.

Last day of clomid...cycle day 9.

Hope you're all well!

Hey ladies -- still no smiley face :'(

CD15 today... so, I'm freaking out a little. I test twice a day, so it isn't likely that I missed my lh surge :( I have some cramping, but the other signs are not there.

I'm taking a day to lay in bed and be upset.

Maybe it'll happen tomorrow...

Sorry, I'm not too chatty today :(

Oh missy, I just want to reach out and hug you. It can be so hard.

If it's any help, clomid has extended my cycles, so I don't ovulate until day 16-17. I know, it's so so hard waiting.

Glad you were able to give yourself a down day. We all need them, monthly...or lately it seems, weekly. :(

xo