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Confessions of a TTC Woman... Pt2

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Hi ladies!! Time to start a new thread!! Confessions pt 2!

for anyone who's new, this is what its all about:

"Well a long time ago there was a thread started by a good friend of mine (who went on to have her adorable baby last weekend) called "confessions of an infertile woman". It was a place for all of us to share our negitive feelings and vent our pain about ttc. It was a great place and a safe place for negitivity (as we didnt want to air our negitive thoughts amoung the positive threads) And I felt it needed to come back!!"

Lets keep the negitivity flowing lol!


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187 Replies • 6 years ago


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bad back, sore neck and very moody makes me not a nice person to be around at the moment!

i was feeling quite positive yesterday (trying to send positive vibes to a hopefully fertilising egg!) but today i jsut feel moody and crappy about the whole thing! I just want to be done with it all and not have to think about it again.

I feel like i'm in a whirlpool at the moment, nothing is constant or unchanging and i cant seem to get a grip on anything to help sort things out and make me happier. When I do have free time, I fel justified at not doing much at all but then afterwards I feel bad because I didnt get anything done and i am still in the whirlpool situation!

i'm still putting on weight, not exercising regulary, not eating as healthily as I should, neglecting things and indulging in others. it just feels as if life is getting too hard, and if I cant cope now, how will i cope with another life to look after?

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6 years ago

Hi ladies! I hope you all are soon well today!

Joy- I hope AF has finally moved out completely!! I always started the EPO on day 1 and that usually made my period a little lighter.

Krunchie- I saw your post for that one girl who was talking about a miscarriage and you said she had put another post up on another thread about being on the pill and not wanting to be pregnant!! Ugh hoe horrilbe that she would do that in a TTC site! I can't find the thread again now because I forgot to follow it..people like that just annoy me!!

Faith-my dosage of clomid was also 100mg. I got the hot flashes really bad but hopefully you only have to so it once and you get tour BFP!! I also agree with the stupid, selfish people! I work for an auto insurance company handling accident claims. There are soooo many liars out there. Its jaded me so much that I just have no partiencefor the liars or the stupidity!!

Aroma-I hope you get some results soon!!! That is so frustrating and I know very disappointing for TTCing!!

Aryian- i hate insurance companies! I work for an auto insurance one and still hate them all! I don't understand why they wot cover fertility treatment! It makes no sense, while I know it can be expensive, it would still give them more people to pay premiums beca
use of a higher population. Insurance companies are just heartless!

Snow- totally agree they made it look way too easy!

Bumble- this goes back to te stupid people comment! Ugh! Even if she was joking that was just wrong. I'm glad no one else heard her!!

I tried to get everyone but feel like I might have missed some-I'm sorry if I did!!

Afm- I don't have a rant right now. I had a follow up appointmen for my fertility treatment and the clomid yesterday and took a sample of my FMU and yet confirmed I'm 4 wks today. My doctor was funny because even he said he was excited and actually sounded like he meant it. I go back in 2 weeks for an ultrasound to make sure all is ok then he said he would book my 8-9 wk appointment. Keeping everything crossed that all goes well. I tested again today and my test line is almost as dark as the control line so feeling a little better about it!! I'm actually getting hopeful!

On that note, I don't want to upset anyone or mess up what this thread I
about so I'm asking whether I should continue to post I here at all(you know I won't rant about pregnancy itself) but I know thus thread is for the frustrations of trying to conceive and I don't want to make this any different or make anyone feel badly. So please tell me if you would like me to stop posting. You will NOT hurt my feelings and I will TOTALLY understand!!!!!!

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6 years ago

Tina, thats awesome!!! Personally, I am sooo excited for you! I hope all goes well with everything and you have your very own bundle in 9 months! I don't oppose to you continuing to post. I would just leave out the complaints about pregnancy woe's.

I know I said I was probably not be here for a few days but after todays HSG at the fertility center I just had to come here and vent. First of all OUCH! They had to clamp my cervex!!! OUCH!!! That hurt more than the damn test! Good news is my tubes are open and my uterus looks good I guess. He said something about scar tissue but didn't mention it again when we talked after I got dressed and stuff and I forgot to ask. BUT, they did an internal u/s after the dye test and guess what... Right off the bat he states "You have Poly Cyctic ovaries." I started crying right then and there. Full on sobbing while lying on the table and the doctor is telling me the pain will be over shortly. I had to muster up some voice and tell him it wasn't the pain making me cry. For TWO AND A HALF YEARS I have been dealing with this and had probably 20 u/s and NOW they determine my problem actually is POCS? I've had doctors say I could have it but nobody though it was important enough to actually find out if that's what's been our issue so long? I mean seriously! I'm glad I now know whats going on and we can treat it properly but two.and.a.half.years!!! So as of right now my treatment is to bump my metformin up to 1500 mg's a day which I will continue till I die I guess. Ok I guess I'm done ranting for now. I have to head to work for the rest of the day too. I wish I could sit home and wallow in my anger at doctors and google the shit out of PCOS success stories and treatment. I'll have to save that for another day I guess!!

Hope everyone's day started off better than mine!

Me: Alicia (29) ~ DH: Patrick (29) TTC #1 Since August 2009 with PCOS 1st & 2nd (March & May 2012) IUI Cycles w/ Clomid = BFN's 6/24/12 - 3rd IUI cycle w/ Gonal-F and Lupron. IUI on 7/9. TWINS! Born 2/11/13 Back on the NTNP train as of September 2013 hoping for a boy someday!

6 years ago

OMG kill me now - the pregnant chick in my office just found out she's having a boy! She went to EVERY office and told everyone!

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6 years ago

omg im sorry faith, put some earplugs in and get back to work.. all im going to say is if i ever have a viable pregnancy i will be very humble about it,and NOT announce it to the whole world.. haha theres my rant.. another one please dont tell me in confidance that you are preggers before you EVEN tell you bf,df,dh or whatever your better half is.. esecially when im going through this crap.. i always seem to be the beacon of light that pg people seek out when they find themselves in this situation and am always the first person to know, what am i supposed to be effing overjoyed for you,and how do you think the guy your seeing feels, maybe you should tell him first and talk about your situation before coming and telling me.. they always come to me and say what should i do,how should i tell him.. i don't give a dam.. my dh is not overly thrilled for me to announce a pregnancy to him as he has 3 kids,but i do not care,but most importantly HE will be the first one to know not the whole office.

6 years ago

I am new here and today I feel this is where I need to be.

Here's my story,

My name is Lisa, I'm 29 i have two sons, a DH!

In Janurary 2010 I got two blood clots in my lungs. I fought that battle until October 2010.
I got married between that time in June 2010 to the best man i could ever hope for. I have two sons from a previous relationship. So anyhow...the doctors told us not to try for a baby until November or so. I got pregnant right away..we were extremely excited.

In December of 2010, I lost my baby due to an ectopic. I also lost my right right fallopian tube.

when i was 16 i lost my left basically i'm left with two right parts on opposite sides.

we continued to try naturally for 6 months. I finally went to a specialist and all in all i found out my only tube was blocked. I had surgery in October 2011 to unblock the tube and my doctor told me i should get pregnant naturally. i am 6 months later and still no baby....

My frustration is that this will never happen for me and my DH. I feel so frustrated because there is nothing on the internet of success stories of women in my situation.

There is no way to afford IVF right now.

I'm giving up... and i don't want to give up just yet!! I have a follow up appointment with my doc on friday.. what else can i do??

Today I am 12 dpo and i'm cramping like AF is coming..Why why why???

Its so hard to want something so bad and not get it!!

Thank you for taking time out to read my story!!

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6 years ago

hi lisa and welcome to the rant page, you are in a safe place to be negative and none of us will judge you. im in a similar situation. i have both tubes and ovaries but lke you had lap surgery in oct 2011 and they found i had stage 3 endo,and it had completly blocked my tubes.. they cleared them and then put me on lupron for 3 months.. i have been ttcing for 28 months now and i am not giving up and neither should you. ivf is too expensive to afford, so i have an app. at the end of april with the f.s. to disucuss fertility still waiting on af to show after my lupron can take anywhere from 1-3 months, tomorrow will be 7 weeks.. be negative and frustrated all you want here we all understand and will not judge you.. just wanted to say hi and to say im kinda in the same spot as you right now.

6 years ago

Awww Lisluc - I'm sorry. You are so strong to have gone through that much and still be trucking along. Good for you!. The frustration will pass (and then come back). Frustration ebbs and flows around here. I find that I'm most anxious right before and during the BIG O (gotta get the BD'ing in) and then after O I feel calm and then about 5 to 6dpo I started to obsess. That is how my last year has been. This is cycle 11 for me.

I have wanted to be like "F it" almost every month after the 6 cycle mark. But for some reason there is something inside me that keeps me going - it must be insanity - LOL.

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6 years ago

Thank you Aromatherapy!!

I feel so alone at times... and i'm so glad to have found this place.

I hope everything works out for you!

Faith--- it has been hard...but what keeps me going is my DH. He wants a baby so bad..and at times i feel horrible that it's me not able to give us one.

My DH tells me all the time that either way we are happy and will be ok. I know a baby won't make us or break us!!

But i'd love to share a child with this wonderful man.

to you both!!!

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6 years ago

Hi ladies!

(Beware - I am in a BAD mood today!! lol)

lisa - Welcome to the thread! I am so sorry to hear about your struggles! Believe me I have thought many times about just giving up and saying F it! I spent nearly 3 weeks in the hospital from my second m/c and I seriously considered getting them to just do a hysterectomy and be done with it!! to you, I hope you get your bfp soon!

Kristine - Seriously?? why are they telling you before their dh?? I am so sorry sweetie, people can be so stupid and inconsiderate sometimes!!

Faith - Ugh, REALLY?? Why the hell does she feel the need to go to every office to share her news... tell your friends, if anyone else wants to know they will find out, you dont have to freaking go door to door about it!!

bumble - OMG! I am so sorry sweetie!! Doctors can be so useless sometimes! As if the couldnt have seen that sooner!! Glad you finally KNOW whats wrong and can work towards treating it now at least!

tina - Yay for 4 weeks!! As for the continuing to comment on here. I have NO problem with it, I am SO happy for you! BUT I do worry that maybe some of the ladies might be hurt by seeing you ranting and just wont say anything, ya know? It's your call, just if you do continue to post please remember we're all wishing we were you right now! Sending lots of love your way and tons of

Katie - Grrr.... I am so sorry your feeling like your in a whirlpool situation. I totally understand how overwhelming it can be! Especially if your trying to loose weight/get in shape, and then you get depressed when you cant stick to it, and as you said, you indulge in some things you shouldnt and neglect things you should be doing. I know it can feel like if you cant control things now, how will you be able to do it with another life depending on you. But know that you are an amazing, strong, wonderful woman and you are gonna make an excellent Mom to a very lucky kid some day. You will pull it all together and you will be great. (sorry this is supposed to be a negitive thread, and that was kinda upbeat and positive, but its true)

My rant for the day.... well, I am in a very grumpy mood today... last night af picked up a bit again, then tapered off and this morning there was next to nothing, then when I got home this afternoon there was blood again!! Seriously??? I am on cd7!! Today should be the LAST day, so I should just have minimal spotting, or brownish d/c, not BLOOD! I seriously feel like crying. Dh thinks I am just over-reacting, which I probably am, but I am just so sick of feeling this way! I am so paranoid that its just never going to stop! Not having a very good day at all. I wish it was the weekend already and that af would just get lost! I am starting to feel like nothing can ever go right. Really, is it not bad enough that I am almost at 2yrs ttc, that I have lost TWO babies already, that the second m/c literally almost killed me, that I was stuck in a hospital for like 3 weeks while they tried to figure out why I just kept bleeding out, and now my af starts acting like an F-ing yo-yo, bleeding, spotting, bleeding, nothing, bleeding.... seriously??? CAN I PLEASE CATCH A BREAK AT SOME POINT???


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6 years ago • Post starter

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