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nlara022904's TTC Journal

View All My Journal Entries here comes the rollercoaster again...
By nlara022904 » Posted Jun. 13, 2012 12:44pm - 155 views - 9 comments

Sometimes I feel I'm doing this alone....(in a way I am)...my husband is supportive and helps me even around the house, he says he does it "so I can relax more when I get home from work"... But,..yet, sometimes I feel he's getting tired of me trying to have a baby.
He said to me this morning that I have obsessed too much.
At times like this I feel like giving up, and I know is silly cause I'm always the one saying is not over until is over.... But what if this should really be over for me (at least for some time)...?
Becoming a mom is my biggest dream...do I have to give up on it?
Why did it have to be so hard?... :(
Next Entry: loving this peaceful feeling
Previous Entry: waiting for next appointment

Comments for this Journal Entry

Comment from nlara022904 » Posted Jun. 20, 2012 11:26am
Thank you girls for all your support. Well today is day 3 of AF, and I wont lie, before AF started I actually still had hopes on my ultrasound next week. I thought "what if I'm one of those rare cases where you don't show a BFP on a HPT, but maybe I could still get a big surprise on the ultrasound" ....or "what if I come out of my next appointment with tears of joy???"... So silly...
Now AF really hit me, its letting me have it for all I didn't get since May 8...its day 3 and still super heavy.
Yesterday I kept thinking how I've neglected my relationship, my house, my job, my family and friendships.
I've been so focused on myself and my fertility issues I've been forgetting about everything else...

Does anybody else feel like this? If so, what can I do?
Comment from AngelDoll15 » Posted Jun. 17, 2012 2:45pm
I feel you.... Never give up on your dream. It's coming, however don't give up. I use to say dreams aren't meant to stay what that are called. They are meant to become a reality. So hang in there. Our men don't fully understand. It's not there fault, it just they don't understand or know the feeling. Keep trying
Comment from wishful4baby » Posted Jun. 17, 2012 2:03pm
hey girl!! sorry i haven't written back yet..its been an extremely busy weekend!! I completely understand.. i have a HUGE fear of needing IVF and stuff also..then i WILL be out because i can't afford that.. i don't make min. wage, but we have our toys and stuff to where we wouldn't be able to afford it..that would seriously like be the end of me! Its soo scary and stressful just wondering..ya konw? but i just remind myself that God knows i'll be a great mother, and he would never take that gift away from me..and he'll make it possible!! I believe that for you too!!! hows it going?
Comment from nlara022904 » Posted Jun. 14, 2012 8:40pm
I know exactly what ur talking about. I keep a journal where I write down symptoms and stuff and I lost count of how many times I've written "this is it,..I'm quitting. No more keeping track, no more OPKs...nothing"...but then I always end up hoping for next month.
You're right. Men just DON'T understand.
Im just scared this won't happen to me, because I fear if is some kind of issue that needs those expensive treatments...then I'll be really out. I dont have the kind of resources for IVF or surgeries, or hormone treatments, and I think to myself... Does that mean regular "little over minimum wage" type of people are not meant to be parents when it comes to fertility issues??... :(
Comment from wishful4baby » Posted Jun. 14, 2012 7:11pm
HONESTLY, I WOULD!! .... our men just don't fully comprehend how much this means to us.. keep your head up, and don't get discouraged..every month i'd say " i'm giving up..no more opk's, cm check or anything" but then day 3-4 of AF, i change my mind and go buy my supplies..its juts something we want soo much, that noone ele will understand..keep your head up!! I know how you feel!!
Comment from wishful4baby » Posted Jun. 14, 2012 7:09pm
girl, i get like this EEEEVVVEEEERRRRYYYYY month when AF shows up.. DF says "itll happen, when its meant to happen"..well..to ME its been meaning to happen for a flippin' year now..and every time AF shows her ugly face, i honestly think she makes me a little more crazy in the head....YES..we DO obsess too much..but its because it really honestly IS our biggest dream..if i could be handed a million dollars, or a beautiful baby girl..of my own.. i would gladly take my baby over the money!!
Comment from nlara022904 » Posted Jun. 14, 2012 12:27pm
Thank you both Destiny and Angeluv for your comments. I feel better today,..and yes I'm gonna have to keep things for myself from now on. Men definitely don't understand what we go thru when it comes to TTC. I'm trying to relax a bit more. I stopped taking HPTs since last Monday. Not that I gave up,..I just decided to wait for my next AF, or my next doctor's appointment, whatever comes first...
Is hard to keep hoping, but is ever harder to give up.

Thank you girls. Let's keep going!! :)
Comment from angeluv » Posted Jun. 13, 2012 5:17pm
I don't think you should give up on it..
trust me, i know its hard. some days i'm so angry over everything and how hard it is but we just have to keep moving forward. you might want to take a break from actively "trying" for a few months and decide..i'm not getting pregnant for 3 months or 6 months and take no tests or no charting and just BE.
I try not to tell my husband too much of the extremity of my obsessiveness with ttc for similar reason and for other reasons because he also gets excited every month and gets disappointed. I think men just can't understand what women go through when trying to concieve.

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