BundleOjoy's Countdown

About Me / My Trying to Conceive Story

Be careful what you wish for is a phrase many of us grew up with. It would have been nice if someone told me that wish and prayer were interchangeable in that cliche. Well, I am here to tell you that it is. Be careful what you pray for. God listens. The great thing about God is that he knows that I can be an idiot sometimes. Ok, most of the time.

As a child growing up I demonstrated that idiocy by praying that I would never be able to conceive a child. I took this prayer through high school and even college. I joke that it would be dangerous to have a little me running around but I was really scared about child birth. I did not want to go through that pain.

I know, people say that the pain fades away when you first hold the child in your arms but that did not seem realistic to me. That was something out of the Twilight novels. I mean, how is it possible to look at a baby, no matter how cute and be like... Eh, so what my inners are falling out and I am all torn apart, I feel no more pain, Is not my baby adorable? Like the baby is a supernatural epidural or something.

So there I was convincing myself that adoption was my only option. Adoption is great. No painful labor, you get a baby who really needs you and you live happily ever after. It is like a win-win situation!

That is until you find the one person in the whole world you want to be with. That is when all the stupid prayers for infertility come back a slap you in the face and then kicks you in the gut just for good measure. In that moment, you realize you want to give that person everything. You want a piece of both of you to be born; the coup de grace as it were, of your life together.

Imagine my horror when our 1st year anniversary rolled around and I still had not gifted my husband with a child... not even one of the four he had told me he wanted. Now, one year may not seem unreasonable to you but I will let you in on a secret. Despite my, oh so clear skin and my youthful... er, intellect, I am 35 years old. Getting pregnant now is a high risk situation for not only me but my baby.