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Our Journey Part 7 : Success, Setbacks and Hope!

Category: Cycle Buddies & Groups
Posted by lisserb » Mar. 12, 2012 12:07pm

Hey girls!

Here's the continuation of our thread.

Some of us have had success, some of us have had setbacks, and some of us are still walking the path of TTC, but we are all in this together!

Good Luck to all!

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lisserb
Posts: 1519
Reply by lisserb » Mar. 12, 2012 12:10pm

I'm bringing this information over from the last thread, so that it's on this one too.

There is a program called inciid that helps qualified women with fertility issues get treatments. They provide free IVF to those with a medical and financial need.

http://www.inciid.org/


I think I may have mentioned this before, but couldn't remember the name of the program. There are sometimes also fertility and loss trial studies done around the States. Jess, I bet your issues would easily qualify you for a treatment study. When you are ready, maybe something like that can help you.

*hugs* to all.

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lisserb
Posts: 1519

Reply by jesshillard » Mar. 12, 2012 12:44pm

Lisser - thanks for starting the new thread. And for the info, at this point I think I need to just relax and maybe look into it in a little while. Feeling kind of emotional today.

Had validation today (skills check off for nursing) and I passed but I was so nervous and had to repeat her apical pulse 3 flipping times because my head kept going back to the miscarriage. My boobs have for the most part quit hurting but I still feel nauseous sometimes (could be nerves and stress though). I spotted when wiping this morning but nothing since. =( I also passed my first exam from last week (the one I fell asleep in....).

My dad had his heart surgery Thursday and after a rocky road (he riped his ivs and breathing tube out when waking up after procedure...which messed up pace maker, so he had to go back in surgery to get another pace maker put in)...he is doing better for the most part. Probably 2 more days in ICU before the stepdown unit. He is at the University of Michigan hospital. What he has we are waiting on genetic test to see if I need to get tested. I probably will have an echo cardio gram done to make sure.

M thinks he isnt moving back in, but it isnt his choice because

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jesshillard
Posts: 474

Reply by jesshillard » Mar. 12, 2012 12:52pm

...because he is technically a ward of the state. My other cousin A has headlice again and CPS was notified this time around. I guess there is another hearing the 22nd for their dad. I am hoping he gets locked up. Then April 9-10 is the big hearing.

One last update. I have decided that until I have my LPN (or close to it) we are not going to test early, use OPKs, or see an RE (or do IUI). Instead I am going to focus on weight loss, and have a big goal to reach. Right now I weigh 194.8 and have lost 13 lbs in 4 weeks. My mini goal is 180, so 14 more to go! And I am going to reach it by mid may. After that my big goal is 150lbs so I can be a healthy BMI with a little wiggle room. So 45 lbs to go! My goal is to reach it by end of March 2013. The only thing that will stop me is if God decides to bless us with a healthy pregnancy.

I cannot control my fertillity, but I can control my caloric intake and exercise level. And I believe by focusing on our health God will bless us. James is down 14lbs and has a substantial amount more than me to lose. So this is going to be a long road to weight loss but with the endurance we have had for ttc and loses I think we can make it through anything

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Me-25 (PCOS, MTHFR, UU) DH-27 (perfect). Matthew 11/24/12 (born induced 36w5d due to low amniotic fluid)

Our story: Began TTC July 2010, 6 losses: 11/14/10. Early m/c, 12/25/10 Blighted Ovum, 6/29/11 Early m/c, 11/11 early m/c, 3/8/12 Early m/c, 6/29/13 suspected ectopic. Currently breastfeeding and NTNP. hoping to lose weight And blessed with another miracle baby!

Follow my blog : http://mynotesonttcandlife.blogspot.com/

jesshillard
Posts: 474


Reply by moconnor » Mar. 12, 2012 1:11pm

Jess - I am so sorry to hear about your loss. That is so difficult. And I didn't feel like they got easier each time. I am really sorry. Like Melissa said - lets hope this thread has better luck! It sounds like you have a great attitude and your weight loss will help to keep you focused on a goal. You are doing so well already!!! What are you doing to lose weight?

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moconnor
Posts: 358

Reply by lisserb » Mar. 12, 2012 2:34pm

I'm proud of you Jess. And Shea too. You both have such wonderful goals and careers ahead of you and I think that you are both being very smart about your futures.

My heart still hurts for all of us who have had a loss. We will get there someday.



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lisserb
Posts: 1519

Reply by jesshillard » Mar. 12, 2012 10:12pm

My heart hurts tonight. Infertility and loss isn't fair. I don't get why God allows us to get pregnant after such a struggle just to have it and all that hope and thankfulness away.

We live in a messed up world.

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Me-25 (PCOS, MTHFR, UU) DH-27 (perfect). Matthew 11/24/12 (born induced 36w5d due to low amniotic fluid)

Our story: Began TTC July 2010, 6 losses: 11/14/10. Early m/c, 12/25/10 Blighted Ovum, 6/29/11 Early m/c, 11/11 early m/c, 3/8/12 Early m/c, 6/29/13 suspected ectopic. Currently breastfeeding and NTNP. hoping to lose weight And blessed with another miracle baby!

Follow my blog : http://mynotesonttcandlife.blogspot.com/

jesshillard
Posts: 474

Reply by lisserb » Mar. 13, 2012 7:46am

I'm with ya Jess. I dreamt all night long about being pregnant and for a split second when I woke up I forgot I wasn't anymore. So sad this morning.

I will never understand this. Not ever.

*hugs to you* my friend.

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lisserb
Posts: 1519

Reply by Kraken » Mar. 13, 2012 9:17am

Hugs to you both. I hope this is our year

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Kraken
Posts: 319

Reply by lisserb » Mar. 14, 2012 4:50pm

Hope everyone is doing well.

I pulled the last stitch out this morning. It was the one that was in my belly button. I feel better now that they are all gone. My incisions have all healed well, and I think that I'll only have one little scar on the one over my hip. I don't think the one above my pubic bone is going to have a visible scar. I've also finally stopped bleeding after 8 days, so that's good too. Waiting to hear from my Dr. still about the HCG level on the day of surgery, because my HPT's are still quite positive, and my OPK today was very positive. I'm sure I still have enough in my system to mess with both tests. I do feel my ovaries today though, so I may actually be close to ovulating again. It's going to be hard to not "try" but I know it would just be a bad, bad idea.

If the OPK goes negative soon, I think I'll assume that I did ovulate and then I'll know to expect AF in about two weeks. Then I can book my HSG and get this show back on the road.

I was at a birthday party on the weekend, and there were two very pregnant women there (I'm friends with both and I knew they were both pg). I had one breakdown, thinking about how I should be pregnant too and would still be if things had gone differently. I cried on another friends shoulder for a minute, then wiped my eyes and rejoined the party. Later that evening, I went to sit next to one of the women (she was 2 days away from her due date), and she let me hold my hand on her belly and feel the baby moving for a good long time. It was surprisingly therapeutic for me. We were talking and I did mention I'd just lost my own a week earlier, and I teared up a bit again. She was so sympathetic and asked if I wanted her to leave. I told her no, that feeling her little baby moving around was actually helping me.

Anyway, I'm still up and down, sometimes several times a day, but I'm getting there. I am anxious to start trying again. I really hope that we can be successful with the IUI's again.

JessH, thinking of you.

Jess (wanna) did you test again?

Nat, did you get approval from the insurance co for the specialist?

Hope Everyone else is doing okay too.


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lisserb
Posts: 1519

Reply by BeachBum » Mar. 14, 2012 6:43pm

Hi Melissa: I'm still thinking of you constanly. I'm glad your bleeding has stopped and your wound is healing nicely. It's OK to cry. I just hope someday, that it won't be so painful for you. Hold on tight to your dd. You will be bringing home a sibling for her soon!

JessH: Hope you're doing OK. I really wish I have something wise to say to make you feel better. Please know that you're also in my thoughts. Lots of big hugs!

May this thread be blessed with some good news soon!

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BeachBum
Posts: 212

Reply by lisserb » Mar. 14, 2012 9:58pm

I'm in tears again. I just found out via Facebook that one of my RL friends is pregnant and due on the date I would have been. And my husband doesn't get why this is upsetting to me and thinks I should just be happy for them and not sad for me.

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lisserb
Posts: 1519

Reply by jesshillard » Mar. 14, 2012 10:06pm

Lisser I am so sorry! =( I feel for you hun. Our good friends are pregnant, others just had baby, sister in law and aunt are pregnant. It isnt fair or right and it hurts to see when others are pregnant. Especiallly when they have what should have been your due date as well.

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jesshillard
Posts: 474

Reply by moconnor » Mar. 15, 2012 1:06pm

Melissa - I totally understand your pain. While you are happy for them, you are sad for you because that should have been you. Two totally different emotions but both totally normal. Sending a big hug your way! xo

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moconnor
Posts: 358

Reply by nursejones29 » Mar. 15, 2012 4:04pm

Lis I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you. The ladies are right though, it's okay to cry and go through any emotion you feel. And as fr DH goes, men just don't understand sometimes. I would and have been upset about finding out about some women are pregnant (especially if their due date would have been on mine!)

Ladies, I'm sorry I've been busy and haven't been on that much.

As you all know, I'm not trying for a baby anymore. But lately I still get that longing feeling to be a mom. My little sister in laws made me cry yesterday. they are 7 and they just dont understand why me and their brother don't have babies yet. They kept on and on asking me and finally I just broke down and told them that I may never be able to have children. Then one of them says, " it's okay...we are still young, we will be your babies". It was so sweet but it also made me realize...what if this is as close as it gets? What if I never have kids? Then I was watching dr Phil and this woman had 4 abortions, 3 were because her husband simply didn't want kids. It makes me SICK! Today on FB (the root of all evil!) I saw that this girl (who smokes, drinks, partys, and doesn't take care of the child she already has, plus doesn't even work or contribute to society or her child) is pregnant again. it's not fair. We would all be wonderful
Mothers...and people like that can have babies left and right.
I know I really don't have any room to talk, and I had been doing good dealing with wanting to have kids. I even convinced myself I was better off never having kids...I just don't know maybe it's my depression creeping back in. Sigh. Anyways, that's enough of my pity party ranting.

Love you all.

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nursejones29
Posts: 957

Reply by TeacherToria » Mar. 15, 2012 7:04pm

Melissa - I am just continually devastated for you! Please vent and cry....let it out! We are here to listen! I would have felt the same way. You are happy for your friend (sort of) but your hurt and longing for a baby for yourself is too strong to ignore! Don't feel bad about being upset! Totally normal! Men don't understand pregnancy loss. When I had my miscarriage (which is not even close to as devastating as what you went through I'm sure), my dh didn't seem upset. But he didn't feel the contractions and see all the blood/clots that poured out of my body for 10 days. That is why us ladies have each other!

Jess - I have been thinking about you as well! I can't begin to understand how you must be feeling after this many losses. We love you are are here for you.

Shea - I saw the same Dr. Phil show. It made me soooo mad!!! I also saw this total (forgive me for being judgemental) white trash girl who reaked of smoke at the OB's office today. That pissed me off as well. Don't lose hope! One way or another you will be a mommy! I just know it!

AFM - Had my 33 week appointment today. I go in once a week now until I deliver. My parents sprung on me recently that they won a trip to England and leave May 10th. My due date is May 3rd (according to the doc but I know it is the 1st). So I told this to my doc and she said she doesn't induce first time moms. She said she'd let me go 2 weeks overdue since my GD is so well managed. Well, that is not very common these days so I was shocked to hear that and now am totally stressed. That would mean May 17th!!!! If my mom cannot be there when I have her I will be devastated. Also, I worry about her size at that far overdue and the health of the placenta....what do you ladies think?






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TeacherToria
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Reply by Kraken » Mar. 16, 2012 2:21am

Tori - i was 11 days over with my DD and she was fine. They say that the baby puts on an oz everyday their over. DD was only 6lb 5oz at birth we worked out that she would of been 5lb 10oz if shed been on her due date. I wouldnt worry about it they will closely monitor you they did with me.

Lissa - hun i know exactly how you feel. I was deverstated when my work colleague fell pregnant last year. I think i mentioned it on here she never wanted kids and was 33 weeks before she found out she was because she was in deniel about it. She also said ic shed found out early enough she would of aborted him. Hes nearly s year old now. It hurts alot. Were all here for you hun xx

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Kraken
Posts: 319

Reply by lisserb » Mar. 16, 2012 8:55pm

Shea, I'm nearly double your age...and if I'm still trying you'll be able to also. :) You've got time to be a mommy, never say never. :) Maybe tell your sisters-in-law that you and DH are just taking your time, and making sure you get the life and careers you deserve to have before trying hard to have babies. You are setting a wonderful example for them by focusing on your schooling and careers and you can guide them so that they don't feel pressured to have babies too young.

Karen, I know how that feels too, my uncles Step-daughters both had babies as teenagers, and one of them seemed to use abortion as her form of birth control, and still managed to have a normal pregnancy.

At least this family who is due when I would have been will love and cherish this baby even though they weren't planning on another.

Victoria, go with your gut instincts.

AFM,

My body is confused, I think. I had stopped bleeding, just had some brownish spotting here and there, but not constant. I was even able to stop wearing pads and liners. Then last night I was woken up with some fairly sharp cramps, but was able to just fall right back to sleep again. This morning when I woke up, I had lots of bright red bleeding again.

I had let my doctor know that I was still having positive pregnancy tests, including yesterday and though they have gotten a bit lighter they are still very positive, so my Dr. faxed a req for another beta to be done. She also asked the hospital for their blood test records. Guess which test the hospital didn't do? Yup...no beta at all, even though I was told it was done. So there is absolutely no way of knowing what my hcg level was at that time.

Anyway, I took another hpt this morning and the damn thing was darker than yesterdays was. Color me confused. I know I'm not pregnant anymore because there was absolutely nothing in my uterus, so I don't know what the hell is going on.

I'm back to brown bleeding again tonight, with some cramping here and there. I'm wondering if the cyst they mentioned me having burst. I thought it would be more painful if that happened, but as my sister pointed out, I seem to have a pretty damn high pain tolerance.

I'm just cranky about this whole ordeal. I just want it all over with so that I can get back to trying. I know I have no choice but to wait though.



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lisserb
Posts: 1519

Reply by Love00 » Mar. 16, 2012 9:20pm

I am so sorry I have been MIA friends. I just really needed to keep busy and stay in a positive state of mind. Not that you guys don't help me do that.

Shea- I know how badly you want to have a baby and also know that you stopped trying for a while but whenever you are ready again, don't give up no matter how long it takes. Life really isn't fair. We will never understand why women like that are able to get pregnant.

Jessh- Glad you passed those tests. I am so glad you are staying positive and doing all the things that you can do and have control over. That is a good amount of weight to lose in such a short period of time. You must be so proud of yourself. As long as there is will, you will find the power to do it. I really believe in you!

Victoria- Since all of us mostly know our O date because we kept track, it is kinda freaky when the doctor tells us the due date can be further than we think. The tech who was doing my ultrasound had also told me that the baby can arrive 2 weeks after the due date. Do not let that stress you out right now but when the time gets close, pay very good attention to your body. Personally, I would be very uneasy about going over my due date for more than a couple of days. I don't know why, it would just freak me out. Do we have a say in one happens though? What do we do if the doc doesn't induce? Inducing is not always a good thing either. Aaaaaah! So much to think about. Don't worry, I am sure that everything will be just fine! I would also be very sad if my mom couldn't be there with me the day of the delivery. How are you feeling other than that? When is your 2nd baby shower?

Lis- It is definitely ok to cry. Let it out. I am glad that feeling her belly was therapeutic. It is so nice of her to be so considerate and ask if she should leave. Finding out friends are pregnant is very hard. Just like Margaret said, you feel two types of emotions at once. You don't mean to feel sad on one end but it is inevitable. I am sorry it seems to be easier for dh to hear such news. I don't know how your dh is but men really just don't get it sometimes. Good thing your bleeding has stopped and your body is recovering well. Thank you so much for asking about the specialist. Hugs.

Kraken- How are you doing? About your coworker, it is just so sad that pregnancy for some women pregnancy means nothing and they can just so easily abort.

Margaret- I hope you are doing well. How is little Ben?

Nancy- How many weeks along are you? How are you feeling these days?

AFM: I just kept busy for days and days. I am not ignoring what the ob said and the fact that I have to see the perinatologist but I am just trying to stay positive. My mom is letting me plan the baby shower since she can't do it herself, which I am very happy about and that is what I have kept busy with. I just can't fully enjoy it right now because nothing matters more than our little girl's health. I did stay off of google this whole time until I cracked and cried today because I just had no answers from anybody and was mad at myself for not calling my OB's office earlier and ask to speak to the nurse for details on what this "possible bulge on the heart" could be. I called my OB's office today but they closed early. The referral finally got authorized today! On a Friday of course! Even the receptionist couldn't understand what those notes meant? She said that she doesn't know what the finding is and that she would have to call my OB's office. They couldn't give me an appointment unti March 27th. That is a long time to wait! Dh is just so positive that there is nothing wrong. I love that he is being very optimistic and is always like that but I feel like I can't let it out and cry in front of him because he doesn't take it well and gets kind of angry because he sees it as me being weak and says I am freaking out. He just doesn't get it. I shared with a couple of close friends and my parents because I can be vunerable around them. There is nothing more terrifying than even the smallest questioning of your baby's health. Don't understand why it is so difficult for dh to understand that.

Sorry if I forgot anyone. I didn't mean to.

Love you all! Big hugs and babydust to all.

Nat




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Love00
Posts: 492

Reply by lisserb » Mar. 16, 2012 9:36pm

Just had another huge gush of red bleeding. I'm so over this! If I am still in this pattern on Monday, I'll be asking for another ultrasound.

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lisserb
Posts: 1519

Reply by jesshillard » Mar. 16, 2012 10:01pm

Lis - this whole thing sucks all around. I cannot believe they didnt do a beta at the hospital! And I know how you feel about the random gushes of blood =( I am sorry hun. I would be getting a beta and an u/s definitely. Praying it goes away soon so you can do the hsg and start trying again <3

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jesshillard
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