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Feeling down

Been trying for my first child since December 2016. Got preggers first time trying and then lost it at 5 wks pregnant. I started bleeding on a plane ride to the Philippines and had the full on miscarriage in a weird Manila hotel. Manila is not a nice place and I was scared and in this strange country. Traumatic. Thankfully, my fiance was with me. It was this extreme elation learning i was pregnant followed by extreme heartbreak because of the loss. Had two chem pregs since. Time has passed and I'm mostly ok, but something happened that just triggered me and it has me feeling sad and icky.

I got married for the first time in August and we just got our wedding picts back last week. In the picts was like this mini family photo shoot of my sister-in-law's sister and this full-on, hands on the belly pregnancy shoot of her too. As backstory, my brother and his wife had their first child in July. I'm super close with my brother, so had been so excited when we got pregnant a few months after them. Her sister had also gotten pregnant with her second child a month or so before I did. Her sister and I both miscarried early on, but her sister was able to get pregnant again pretty quickly. Mine would have been born in early September; her sister is due this month with the successful pregnancy.

The photographers are long-time friends with my sis-in-law and her sister, so I get them taking photos of them. I just wished they would have left them out of the pictures they gave to us. It was odd, in and of itself, that the photographers took the time to do that mini photo shoot when they should have been photographing guests that my husband & I have longer and dearer friendships with, but it had that added extra salt in the wound with the pregnancy photos of her given the background.

I know my sis-in-law's sister did not have bad intentions, she's super nice and actually kind of an airhead, but I guess sometimes that's what's frustrating is that she operates in this centralized bubble and often doesn't think of others outside of that bubble.

I feel bad that I feel resentful towards her, but I just wish she could have saved her mini pregnancy shoot for another day besides my wedding given that she knew I lost mine and have still been trying. And, even though they don't know the history, I wish the photographers had just taken them out of the batch that came to us.

I just had to get this off my chest somehow and it's hard finding others who are 40+ and ttc for the first time that also know the loss of a miscarriage.

2 Replies • 6 years ago


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I'm so sorry that this photographer did not take the time to remove these added photos from your library of wedding photos. It really is unthinkable (as I am a photographer) to not selectively alter an album to tailor fit a bride and groom. As for your feeling low at this point, I also totally get it.
I am 49 and have been ttc with my husband for the last 7 years. 4 pregnancies (2 chemicals and 2 early miscarriages) and I am still trying. I know how ridiculous it seems at my age (and yes we have considered IVF and or Embryo Adoption) but we simply want a child that is from our own DNA.
I understand your pain, and it is okay to feel that way. Please know that there are a lot of us over 40 (or way over like me) who stand right there with you!

Hugs and Baby Dust!


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6 years ago


Keep on trying!!! A friend told me a story how a close friend's mother had his friend naturally at 52. I plan to keep on trying, even if I get down once in a while. Thank you for reaching out to post some words of encouragement. It truly is helpful to know others are out there that understand.

6 years ago • Post starter


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