Community post

Not knowing- ever wondering

My last cycle was a Chlomid 50mg cycle, full of emotional outbursts, sore breasts, moodiness, sleeplessness, ovarian pain and LOTS of hope. On cycle day 21, my progesterone came back low, so low that the nurse said I likely didn't ovulate. SAY WHAT?! All of the things I thought were symptoms, were just my body reacting to the medicine, and realizing it had all been for nothing that cycle, was devastating. I took a 3 day weekend, loaded up the car, kids and pup and went away. Somewhere peaceful; no internet, no cell service, no people, not even my DH. I needed to regroup. I'm glad I went, because I came back refreshed and able to go on.
BUT..The wondering didn't stop. Was it a freak occurrence? Have I been ttc for 6 months and NOT OVULATING this entire time?! did the Chlomid have a reverse effect? and the truth is, there is no way to know. none of my other cycles were tracked with bloodwork so all I am left with are questions.
This cycle I opted out of Chlomid. I just couldn't handle it at that moment so when cycle day 3 came and it was do or die, I left the pills at the pharmacy.
This cycle my DH and I have been having SO MUCH FUN enjoying each other and exploring new intimacy options. WITHOUT the pressure of TTC.
MAYBE i'll end up with a BFP but I'm not expecting to. Next cycle i'll try the Chlomid again, but for now I am enjoying this glorious freedom and giving my body a chance to right itself. If it doesn't, that's ok too. We have to REMEMBER TO CARE FOR OURSELVES AND OUR SPOUSES in the midst of all the TTC struggle.
2DPO today and feeling happy and at ease.
update to come.

0 Replies • 7 years ago

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