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Irrational pity party @12dpo

35 years old, 2nd month trying, 12 DPO and shiny BFN.

Yes - I know - I'm not out until the witch shows, and I should give it at least 6 months. Yes - a lot of ladies have been struggling for years so I have no right to complain. Yes, I am extremely impatient and yes - I shouldn't worry. Yes - there's probably many years left and yes, it happens when it happens..

Still, BFN at this point is a downer, and though it is completely irrational, my head is unstoppable;
"EVERYBODY" gets a BFP by 9DPO
"EVERYBODY" who tries gets pregnant at first try
"EVERYBODY" who doesn't even try just happens to figure out they are pregnant
I will "NEVER" get pregnant
It is my destiny to be miserable without a child, while "EVERYBODY" else get what they want
I'm too old to get pregnant, I waited for too long and destroyed my chance

I find myself in a super self pity party, and I don't want to be here. I feel that everything is unfair, I fear that I will never get pregnant at all, I feel like a human failure with bad eggs.

I know how stupid all this sounds (and that does not help either), but I needed to get it out. Hopefully I'm back to my normal self in a couple of days.
I just wish there was a switch I could turn on/off and not think about this anymore.

18 Replies • 7 years ago


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Hey Smurfeline,

I loved this post, it actually made me smile because I had days like that when I was trying to get pregnant.
As I didn't get pregnant in the first 2 months, I went to the doctor and asked for blood tests, they came back saying that I was annovulatory and that I would need fertility treatments which would take 6 weeks to sort out I then decided to keep trying and let what happens happen and I fell pregnant in the 4th month of trying.

I know it seems like it will never happen but it will.


<a href="https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com"><img src="https://www.count

7 years ago


Hi Sezzyeb!

Thank you for your post, I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one! :) I do hope that this is the last obsessing month I have, because this takes all my energy out. Were you able to not symptomtrack in month 3 and 4? It must have been devistating getting that message from the doctor?

7 years ago • Post starter


You've written down exactly what I wanted to say! I'm 34 but this is my first cycle (bar a slip right on ovulation time last month!). I'm know rationally I really can't expect it to happen first try, but at 11dpo im getting a most definite negative result. I know nothing will be sure until the weekend when I'll either get my period or not. But it feels like a very long wait. I also have a 5 week cycle so have to wait a little longer for my fertile window.
It's like I've got to brains, a rational one that is desperately trying to keep me level and sane, and this other obsessive negative crying one that rears up every now and again and leaves me feeling so sad.
Take comfort, you are not alone! For every wonderful pre-missed period positive test we see on forums I'm sure their are hundreds of negatives, but we're not out until AF arrives. Wishing you all the best!

7 years ago


Bally82.. you have no idea how much your post helped! :)

I feel absolutely insane, yesterday I even started looking into adoption. Today I am much calmer, tested this morning and got the expected BFN. I got no bad feelings this time. Waiting for AF today or tomorrow. And hoping that it would be on time, not be delayed just for the purpose of torturing me.

A 5 week cycle must be an agonizing long wait!

I totally agree with the two-brain-theory of yours! My head does the exact same thing!

I hope this is your month! Please keep me posted. :)

7 years ago • Post starter


We all have days where we need our forum buddies to pick us up and dust us off, so happy to help! I had a rant myself on another forum (oh yes, I'm that obsessed I'm a total forum whore!! Lol). I had what I thought was the start of my period yesterday. It's usual for me to get brown discharge pre-period and I wiped last night and it was just there, so totally unexpected and it floored me. There were tears!! Poor Husband trying to comfort me 'it will happen just give it time' and me hissing in reply 'you don't know that, don't make promises that can't be kept' etc etc.
Anyway, went to bed upset but fully thinking I'm not. But today nothing. Again, not unusual for my period to start then totally stop then start again, but clearly nobody told my obsessive brain who has spent about 98% of today googling implantation bleeding, what colour it is, what it looks like, etc. (Incase you're wondering the other 2% was spent going to the loo to wipe and investigate if it had started again.)
Took an IC after work BFN (of course) so I'm no further forward but now I'm getting my head around that I'm not pregnant, and just waiting for this brown discharge to change to AF on Friday and then start again.
Yes a five week cycle is annoying but could be worse I guess, at least it's regular between 33 and 36 days.
Glad you're feeling better today. Xx

7 years ago


I loved reading this post and I understand how you feel. I have been on this journey 5 months and It has already taken a toll on me. My body has played tricks on me going from a 28 day cycle and decides when I want to try to conceive to jump to 35 days and even having a period twice in one month in July and August. Funny how the body works. DONT GIVE UP HOPE! Even on the hard days. Currently in a tww 6 DPO trying not to lose my mind and not stalk forums for every little symptom lol

7 years ago


I'm 13dpo due on my period tomorrow. Cat woke me at 3.30am so went for a pee then without thinking, then when my alarm went at 5.30 I took the test at the bottom and the line appeared straight away. I showered and then looked again, still there. Kicked myself that I'd thrown away my sample as wanted to use another strip incase it's a false negative. Managed to squeeze out another pee a while after and dipped another strip and a mid flow test. All are internet cheapies and all supposed to be 10mlu. I got another faint line on the strip but nothing on the midflow test. I'm in shock but trying not to get to excited until I've got a stronger line on a branded test. It won't let upload a photo from my iPhone as it's to large or wrong format!!

7 years ago


Omg, I'm so excited for you!!!!! Sitting here with a big smile for you. :) Try taking a screen shot of the photo, screen shots are much smaller in size.

7 years ago • Post starter


Managed to get it to upload on 13dpo pics. Take a look x

7 years ago


That is positive without a doubt!!!!! I'm so happy for you!!!! Had to be implantation bleeding you had.

7 years ago • Post starter


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