Community post

Is taking a break this hard for everyone?

My husband and I have been trying for two years. I have PCOS and have had cycles up to 6 months long. We haven't had the faintest glimmer of a second line.

This week I just interviewed for a job in my career field that sounds wonderful. I have been woefully underemployed outside of my career field for the last 4 years. This is a fantastic opportunity to get us into a place where we could really financially afford a child. There really isn't choice to the matter really.

The drawback is that the job will be manual labor, in extreme weather, and will require my handling and use of herbicide. I know that even if the labor and temps aren't an issue that there is no same amount of herbicide use during any time in pregnancy. The thing is, it isn't just this job. Basically any job in my field with my education level is going to mean herbicide.

The next stick in the mud is that this job requires a 6 month probationary period. I know that if I come up pregnant inside those 6 months I ca kiss the job goodbye. Even after those 6 months, due to the nature of the job... I would have to tell as soon as I get a positive. Even with FLMA there wont be enough leave for all 40 weeks. I would just have to HOPE they will work with me, or quit the big dill with that is that we will move if I get this job and at least for a while I will be primary bread-winner.

So that brings us to taking a break. I will know by the 24th if I got the job. I am on the very very short list so far. He flat told me I was by far the best qualified applicant. (Which is a fantastic thing, don't get me wrong) seeing as how I "should" ovulate sometime in the next week or so )and I am already seeing EWCM) that whether I get the job or not, this month is out.

It is so difficult now that I know all the signs, to just sit and watch it pass. To actively not have sex. To quiet the little voice saying "But THIS could have been our month!" I also fret so much about the fact that I am 33. I have been trying for 2 years now. I am so afraid of waiting any more. I am already considered high-risk. I am just so scared of being over 35 ttc#1.

Sorry that was long, but I need to vent. Thanks for reading.

0 Replies • 9 years ago

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