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Feeling Hopeless

Hi Ladies.

I'm 32 and TTC my first child. I underwent an Essure reversal at the beginning of the year, so July was month 6 of trying. I haven't had an HSG done to see if my tubes healed shut or are still open.

Basically, I'm scared to do the HSG because I don't want the confirmation of what I suspect to be true after a battery of bloodwork I had done in June revealed everything to be perfect hormonally. My tubes are still shut.

I'm feeling VERY discouraged, even though the doctor says 9-12 months on average to get a BFP. I really am thinking that my tubes are shut and I'll never be successful (IVF way TOOO pricey for DH and I).

Looking for other ladies who might feel the same. I had been tracking using OPK and Temp, but stopped at the beginning of June in my hopelessness and have been trying not to think about it.

Wanting to connect with others in the same boat who can understand. DH tries, but, not sure how successfully he can comprehend the pain/hopelessness.

Thanks.

8 Replies • 7 years ago


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Hi,

I know it's hard.

For what it's worth, DH and I are 27 and 28 and are on month 7 of TTC right now, and we still aren't having any luck.

I did my blood work and that came back fine. DH just did his basic semen analysis, and we were told he has a low percentage of normally formed sperm. Most sperm he produces right now aren't formed correctly, and it's most likely due to his smoking.

Also, very early onset menopause runs on my Mom's side of the family, and I will most likely fall in with that pattern between 30 and 35 years old.

I'm sorry TTC has been a struggle for you, but I would encourage you to buck up the courage, and get that next HSG done. The more information you can gather, the better, and the more you can rule out as a hinderance, the better.

DH and I also cannot afford IVF or any of those other procedures.

DH's next step is a urological exam, as well as to put significant efforts towards quitting smoking. He is starting Nicorette today and working to really limit his use of cigarettes.

Even if I haven't helped you, I hope you at least have some additional perspective.


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7 years ago


I can somewhat relate. It took me 8 years to make my daughter. That hopeless feeling.... I wish there were encouraging words that I could tell you... other than I trust in perfect timing. <3 (easier said than done)

7 years ago


Thank you!

Sometimes it's nice connecting with others who have/are struggling so you don't feel so alone.

Doctor recommended HSG after August, to give at least 6 months TTC and I have the paperwork. Other issue there is it's over $300 paying in cash up front and not covered by insurance (CA, infertility required to be offered only up to employer to add or not). If that comes back find then DH should have semen analysis done.

What do/did you do to stay encouraged month after month? That's one of the hardest things.

whatwillbe33, good luck to your DH in his quitting smoking. That's hard I've heard.

7 years ago • Post starter


After 8 years I had lost all hope. Completely. SO much that when people kept asking when we were going to have a baby, I would tell them I couldn't have them.
Which was what I thought was the truth. But little did I know.. i was pregnant!
So, although I have no advice on keeping hope. Staying strong emotionally... or anything...
It seemed like once I stopped stressing about it... it happened.
When I stopped trying to track my cycles. It happened.
So really, my advice would be to find ways to relax.
Sometimes I think when we focus on it SO much it tricks our bodies and screws up our cycles. Maybe I am wrong.
I hope Im wrong.. .as my husband has given me one more chance to have a baby and only this month to get pregnant. :O I really want a second child. </3 So its really hard not to stress ond focus on every single thing.
So... here is to deep breaths, relaxing our minds and bodies.. and having faith in perfect timing. The best we can anyways.
Good Luck and baby dust!

7 years ago


I started meditating with an app called Headspace. First level of it is free from the app store, and if you like it, you can subscribe to get more types of meditation. I'm working on Level 3 right now, and once I finish this, I'm going to start a Pregnancy specific meditation.

10 minutes, once a day, unless you're particularly anxious. For example, yesterday I did my first 10 minute session in the morning before work. After I got DH's results, I felt super anxious, and did another 10 minute session when I got home.

I've been using the app for about a month now and it has made a HUGE difference. Some days are more restless than others, but I always enjoy the feelings I get after I'm done.

I'm much more mellow now that I was before I started, so it's worth it to me.

If you don't want to meditate, try a monthly massage membership, picking up new books to read, painting, walking, whatever!

That stress monster can really wreak havoc if you're not careful.


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7 years ago


Hi,
Unfortunately I don't have a success story to share, but I do understand how you feel.

I'm also 32 years old and have been ttc for almost two years. I'm going in for bloodwork on Monday to see if I'm positive. Trying to stay hopeful, but I don't believe this time was successful.

IVF is incredibly expensive. DH and I are doing IUI. The success rates are lower than IVF, but much better than when we were ttc on our own. It's also a lot cheaper and less meds.

Mostly I just feel tired. Tired of the tww. Tired of having blood drawn. Tired of watching women married after me have their first and second child. Tired of people asking when am I going to have a baby. Tired (and sad) when I see my parents trying to hide their dissapointment when I get a BFN. Tired of crying and spending the entire day in bed each time I get a negative.

Our time is coming but for right now, it's hard.

7 years ago


Jolly_Green_Mama,

Oh man, I totally know where you're coming from.

It's everyday almost that I see a new pregnancy announcement pop up on FB. I truly am happy for people, but it still stings.

DH and I made the decision not to tell our families that we are officially trying. My step Mom already is too intrusive with my SIL and brother who are TTC their 2nd child together.

Like, she sends my SIL "ovulation alerts" via text like, "ok! Make sure you guys do the dance tonight. 1 day till ovulation!"

Hard pass. I don't want the outside pressure.


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7 years ago


It is hard seeing pregnant women. My brother from another mother and his wife are pregnant and it's hard seeing their posts on FB.

I've only told a few people I'm trying, because I knew none of them would be asking questions. Haven't told my MIL, but not because she'd be pushy. She's wonderful! I got blessed there. Just, haven't told them.

It's even harder for me because I've always really wanted to have kids and have none and my sister who NEVER wanted kids has 3 and she's not the greatest mother. C'est la vie? Right?

Knowing their are others out there who feel the same and are in the same boat helps. Makes you feel less alone?

7 years ago • Post starter


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