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Been trying for 2 years as of this month...

I know a lot of you ladies on this board have probably been trying a lot longer than me, so I feel bad intruding on your board.

But in July 2014, hubs and I decided to start TTC kind of like as my birthday wish that year and we proceeded to continue to try through my birthday in 2015 and here I am now, birthday is tomorrow, and here I still am.

I did get pregnant last November, but MC on Christmas.

I'm only 22 (23 tomorrow) with no medical issues as far as we know. Nothing is wrong with hubs. I've charted, I've temped, I've tried progesterone creams, and vitamins, and losing weight, and everything under the sun.

I'm just feeling pretty down this past week because I have every symptom imaginable and I'm three days late (on my fourth day late) for AF, but all my tests are negative because I'm likely not pregnant.

I actually don't know why I'm even posting this... I guess I'm just feeling lonely since I have no female friends or anyone to really talk to about this kind of stuff. Hubs is being very... man-like about the whole thing ("It'll happen when it happens"...), so when I talk about it, it's like I never stop talking about it (though he *never* notices the months I say nothing to him).

It's not that he's not supportive, it just doesn't bother him nearly as much as it does me. So I guess I'm just looking for support. It never gets easier to see one line on a test, or "not pregnant" on a digi, or even worse - "seeing" a line when it's not there or is a trick of the pixels in a picture.

I feel miserable. And it's hard for me to articulate the misery I'm feeling to my husband. AND EVEN THOUGH I'm pretty positive I'm just having a longer cycle this month, I can't stop thinking, "but what if a test shows up positive tomorrow?"

I hate this :c

Sorry for bringing all the negativity and complaining over here, ladies. I'm just at a loss for what to do.

4 Replies • 7 years ago


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Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard a mc can be when you're trying so hard to have your first and being a holiday must have made it all the worse. I have been ttc for 4 years now. I had a mc of my first pregnancy at 8 weeks in Oct 2014. I had recently turned 37 and my own mother couldn't understand why I was so heartbroken by it (she had me when she was 17).

Before my mc I got to the point you are now. I lost hope, felt like it just wasn't going to happen and stopped actively trying. So when I got my BFP, I wasn't expecting it. I wouldn't have even known if a friend hadn't misunderstood a text I sent her and assumed I was preggo. At the time, I assured her I wasn't but later realized I was very late for AF.

As devastated as I was right after my mc, I decided to start really trying again. Then last cycle I had a cp. But you know what I realized? I was looking at things all wrong. These weren't failed attempts. This was my proof that I -could- get pregnant. Sure we've had a couple early losses and had to start over. But I learned something new every time that would give me a better chance the next time.

And there will be a next time. The fat lady isn't singing just yet. I decided to enjoy this ride, no matter where it takes me. Each new cycle isn't just starting over, it's another chance to try again. Don't give up. Don't stress yourself out. And don't focus too much on the negatives. That only gets in the way of your goal.

I know it can be hard, believe me. But find your silver lining and focus on the positives. Staying positive and relaxing go a lot further toward a BFP than you might think. Stress and negativity sends signals to your body that can actually prevent a successful pregnancy. So don't do that to yourself.

7 years ago


Eiren. Hey don't beat yourself up, it is the most frustrating journey ttc long term. We are all here because we understand what you are going through, anytime you need to vent it's a good feeling to get it out. I'm sorry for your loss and Christmas is a horrible time to grieve. I hope your birthday has an extra "positive" surprise for you. Happy birthday, sending oodles of baby dust and sticky vibes

Ashira. I had my ds at 38 and I had a lot of things going against me health wise so don't give up hope. Persistence and patience will pay off, the whole journey will be worth it in the end.

Good luck to you both, hope you get your bfp real soon

7 years ago


Kerzie - Thanks so much for your post! *hugs*

I'm trying to stay positive! No AF today and my test seemed more positive? It wasn't (I'm counting it negative right now), but I just felt like there MIGHT be something there.

My birthday is always terrible. Something bad always happens on it or around it, so I'm hoping that if ANYTHING good happens, my husband feels better. :c

He had a kidney stone and had a procedure done to get rid of it. Unfortunately, he's been in immense pain and a friend and I took him to the emergency room after toradol and hydrocodone wasn't stopping the pain and they gave him too many pain killers on an empty stomach and he started to get sick, which led to him getting motion sickness in the car and him being in pain and just... not doing well.

Finally got him home and settled and he's sleeping now, but damn. My birthday always brings something BAD.

Maybe I'll get lucky and get a positive in the morning, though. And maybe hubs will feel better and things will be good ON my birthday.

Trying to keep it positive!

Ashira - Thanks for posting <3 *hugs*

I'm surprised your mom doesn't get why you're upset! D: I'm sorry she doesn't understand. I'm also sorry for your losses :c it's literally the worst feeling ever, but it's good you're so positive! It makes me feel better that being positive is helping others get through this, too c:

I hope you get your BFP soon! Maybe we'll both get it. Maybe TODAY IS THE DAY.

*Positive vibes all around*

7 years ago • Post starter


Today was not the day.

Another cycle, for absolutely nothing. I started AF today.

I don't UNDERSTAND

Nothing is wrong with him or me. I'm 23, he's 24. I'm ovulating. I'm making sure we have sex at the right times. I'm doing EVERYTHING RIGHT

I think I'm done with this
Despite trying to be positive, despite continuing to try, it doesn't work and doesn't matter

I'm literally doomed to just not have kids
none of this matters for me
i'm done with this

I should have stayed done with this when I had my MC back in December

7 years ago • Post starter


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