Community post

Could it really be>

Zach and I have been trying to conceive baby number 2 for nearly 5 years in November. We’ve had IUIs, medications, surgeries...and it became overwhelming when we lost a pregnancy. So we stopped a couple years ago and accepted that it was not the Lord’s will for us at that time. Every time someone has shared a pregnancy announcement I have been overjoyed, yet still feel a twinge in my heart for the longing of that moment. Promising God through prayers that I would be better this time, eat better, exercise better, worry less and praise Him more. That some how I could ‘earn’ His approval of my constant prayers for another child.

Then time went on and kept going on. I had closed my heart to the thought of it ever happening for us and moved forward. Until my son started praying nightly for a brother or sister. At first I always tried to not feed into it too much. I tried to avoid all baby talk because I didn’t want him to share the same heartache and longing that we have over our family growing.
I had a lot of health issues this year, finally I am seeing some resolve with some things. Thankfully. So I asked my cardiologist and other doctors if I could try to see a fertility specialist. One said not right now, but the other two were on board. So I thought I will just go to the consultation and see what I am working with and wait to get clearance from my cardiologist to start treatments.

So I went...reluctantly. I have a friend that is going through similar struggles and she helped encourage me in prayer to go. Even from the parking lot before going in the building when I wanted to just leave. I went in and as expected things looked like it would take treatment and IUIs to conceive. 60 cysts. No egg growth. So I went ahead and ordered the meds the doctor suggested I start with my next cycle. Then waited for my cycle to schedule my HSG procedure.

That sunday after I went to church and I heard a sermon over how we should let our children pray for what they desire and as they grow in faith they will grow in the prayer life as well. So that same night Zachary led the prayer at bedtime and said, “Dear God will you please give me a little sister. I would like her to sleep in my room so I can take care of her and cuddle her. When you give me a baby sister could I please keep her and you not take her back. I love you God. Amen”. And tears filled my eyes as I heard him share his heart to our Father. After his prayer he told me God would say yes. That sweet faith he had. He is little and doesn’t understand that sometimes our will and God’s will for our lives are different. So I gave him kisses and tucked him in and then wept when I left.

But as I was waiting...medication free...procedure free...I got a positive pregnancy test. I thought to myself. No it must be wrong. How is this possible? So I took another one 4 hours later. Darker. I cried out of fear of another chemical pregnancy or loss. I called the RE I just had a consult with and they ordered a beta and progesterone. They told me they would call me with the results in 24 hours. 24 hours. The longest 24 hours.
The next morning I had some light spotting and cried. But, I tested again and the line was darker. So now I wait. Wait and pray.

2 Replies • 8 years ago

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