Community post

I've been trying for 3 years and I get this all the time from everyone - those that have no idea about trying to conceive, women on this site, family, friends, and the list goes on and on! A lot of my coworkers know I have been trying and know the issues we face. I know that most people mean well when they give this advice and I think others don't know what to say. And then there are the rest that HAVE NO CLUE what it is like! Depending on my comfort level with the person, I say something like "thanks, I know, I know," and if I am very comfortable with them I usually explain how frustrated I am by it all. Obviously if someone really knew how I felt, they would not tell me to be patient about it. I am only getting older and each year is a year closer to the end of my fertile window.

I wish I had some great words of wisdom about it all but I don't. For me, TTC is bipolar, one day I am ok with things and the next it's the lowest of the low and I can't seem to be ok about anything.

My key has been to find the 1 or 2 people that will support me no matter what and let me rant and vent until "the cows come home"

You hit the nail on the head with the bipolar comment. I consistently feel like a crazy person so it's nice to know that is apparently just a symptom of ttc : ) I think I'm having a hard time dealing because my 2 best friends are actually prego right now and they both conceived so quickly and easily. Have you found that it gets easier or harder or stays about the same dealing with the negative pregnancy tests and the start of your next cycle. The bipolar feeling and that constant roller coaster of emotions is really hard to deal with - how do you cope?

The first year I didn't care too much, just spent all the time reading about pregnancy, learning about my cycle, and it didn't bother me. I From about years 2-3 it has really sucked! In the last year and a half, I've had maybe 10 friends on Facebook become pregnant and give birth and this sounds crazy but there were 10 people at my work pregnant. I almost lost my mind! It was difficult to come to work each day and see a pregnant belly. I am raising my step children so it is also hard to play "mom" each day without being able to really be a mom (sure I am their parent but I am and will never be "mom"). I am lucky if I can even use that term in that I have no close, close friends with children or in the process of trying. I don't know what I would do if that were the case (lose my mind probably).

I'd say that the toughest time for me is around ovulation because after 3 years, the romance department has taken a hit and my husband get's stressed out if I tell him I am ovulating so there have been many, many cycles when we have not been able to be intimate. During the TWW I am fine and then get emotional at the start of AF. I don't take HPTs anymore since I couldn't bear the disappointment. However, if I have the urge, I will use an OPK even though they don't always act like HPTs.

I can't say I have the best coping skills. I get really depressed and cry each time my period comes. I feel a lot of times like there is no reason to hope. However, I've kept going. My fertility issues don't seem to be insurmountable at this point and I am still working with my RE on next steps so I know there is hope. I've also just found things to occupy my mind and energy, so I've adopted some pets, taken on house projects, etc.

What about you?

That has to be really tough, to feel more like a stand in mom than the real thing. Do you feel like your family is supportive of you or are you more the suffer in silence type? I am a bit worried about how my husband is dealing with it too. Does yours talk much about it or have you found a good way to talk to him about it so it isn't a wedge in your relationship?

I've been open with everyone about my infertility issues, from my Facebook friends, coworkers, family, even my stepkids know. I don't go around announcing it but I don't hide it. But after so long, you realize you start sounding like a broken record so I stopped talking to most people about it. I share my frustrations with my husband, mom and my TTC friends that I have met here. I find that the women here are the best because they totally get it. I think I make my mom and husband upset because I get so upset. I talk to my husband openly about my feelings, especially regarding him already having children and such. Our biggest issue really regarding TTC is the intimate times and lack thereof when it really counts. I know that soon part of my treatment will most likely be medication with timed intercourse and that is going to present a problem. It's tough to not tell him when I am most fertile because I need to let him know its important but I don't want to stress him out. Tough to find that balance.