Community post

Advise on TTC

Here's my story. Two years ago I was dating a "rebound" guy for a couple of months. He was a low life scrub- no job, lives with mom, in and out of jail, baby he nor his ex takes care of. Well I carelessly fell pregnant and I was devastated! I immediately cut all ties with him and decided I would go through it alone. Around 7 or 8 weeks I had a miscarriage and at first I felt relief and thankful. I honestly just blocked that entire part of my life from my mind and wouldn't allow myself to think about it. Fast forward 6 months later I met the guy of my dreams. We have been together for a little over a year and a half. We have the perfect relationship. We bought a house about 5 months after we started dating and have lived happily together ever since. We talk about marriage all the time but it has never been a priority because our commitment doesn't need to be on paper, we already know. Over the last 6-8 months ALLLLL I can think about is pregnancy- getting pregnant, being pregnant before, if I am pregnant...etc. I am on the pill and take it like I am supposed to, but I buy pregnancy tests each month in hopes that my pills don't work. Am I going crazy?? I've mentioned it to my boyfriend and he always jokes and says stuff like well if you want a baby now then lets have one!! but he has never been serious about it I don't think. He just tries to say what will make me happy. I know there is a process- marriage>kids, but kids has definitely taken priority over marriage. My boyfriend also says stuff jokingly like "ya know, if you got preggers I'd keep you". Well I was two days late starting a new bc pack and I told him he should wear a condom JUST IN CASE and he said, jokingly again, no you're gonna have my babies. I'm hoping so bad that I become pregnant this month. Do you think I am morally wrong for wanting this? He has said he wants to wait until we move to our next job back in our old state but it drives me crazy when he gives me hope like that. I wonder if I am so obsessed with it because I lost a baby before. PLEASE HELP! this is all I can think about!!! I track my fertility, cervix, bbt, EVERYTHING already. Am I crazy??

4 Replies • 8 years ago

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