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Wanting it so bad, my eyes are playing tricks.

Isn't it amazing? What your eyes will see when you want something so bad? Sometimes I wish I could be one of those women who simply find out they're pregnant at 12 weeks because they were to busy to notice their absent periods. Instead, I'm seeing pink when it doesn't exist.

Isn't it amazing? When you choose to be 'responsible' and prevent until you feel it's a "good time" and then you struggle to conceive. I wish it were as easy as it seems, when you're afraid of it happening so you do everything you can to prevent it.

I'm young, married, almost done with my education, and I own a home with my high school sweetheart and husband of 3 years. However, I also have Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and I'm about 60 pounds overweight. I've lost 30 pounds already, but I can't help but feel hopeless.

Looking for some guidance and encouragement from women who have similar thoughts and/or stories.

I'm learning that I need to give my worries to God. So on an ending note, here is a prayer for not only myself, but for the women who feel similar to me.

"And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts."

1 Reply • 8 years ago


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I just wanted to send some baby dust over to you!

I tried for 7 excruciatingly long years to get my first bfp with my daughter! Then I didn't bother with opks or early pregnancy tests (in fact I've only recently learned about faint lines and chemical pregnancies) we just DTD on a regular basis...it wasn't until we were being seen at ACS that we got our miracle!

However a year ago I had an unexpected bfp and was over the moon especially when I seen my babies heartbeat on that scan oy to be rescanned 2 weeks later and have it all crumble away when my baby had died :(
I had surgical management and started ttc again straight away as I wasn't bleeding...3 weeks past still no bleeding and a strong bfp, 10 days later and 3 strong results I sought advice and after 10 blood teats with high levels I had a scan only for the midwife to say "I'm pretty sure you've had another loss, an early one" I was heartbroken and confused and didn't know what to think! After a second surgery I tested 2 days later and got a a very faint line followed 24hrs later by a bfn!
Since then I've had a testing problem...I test from 7 days after DTD and drive myself insane seeing lines then not!

Just wanted to share my story with you x

8 years ago


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