Community post

No matter what, YOUR baby will still be your FIRST baby. Imagine this.....my brother shacked up with a woman who already had 2 kids and had her tubes tied after #2. She did NOT tell my brother that, so after they FINALLY got married (we come from a VERY conservative family), he had to find her little secret out after spending thousands of dollars in fertility testing. She's 6.5 years older than my brother. So.....they adopted her sister's 2nd baby (from the same father). Fast-forward 3 years and I marry the man of my dreams, the love of my life, my best friend...you name it, he's it. I'm the baby of the family and the proverbial basket that my parents put all their "eggs" in. My brother got his incredible job while being in the right place at the right time after our dad pulled some favors to land him the initial job, while I worked my butt off thru college (full-time nursing student with a full-time job and part-time job) with NOBODY'S help. So.....my husband and I got married 10/31/15, and this is our 3rd cycle trying to get pregnant. My child would be the first grandchild that my parents get to see on a regular basis because I'm just not the jerk that my brother and his wife are and use their children as pawns to hurt my parents and grandparents. My child would also be my mother's first biological grandchild. Imagine my heartbreak when I find out that my brother and his wife have decided to go thru in-vitro. There was never a hope that they would have any children because she never wanted to be pregnant again, tho my brother had always voiced his want for his own children. So.....what if she and I end up pregnant at the same time? My biggest worry has been having to share the stage....not having all eyes focused on me during a HUGE milestone in my life that was supposed to be something monumental for my entire family. Scared to death that my parents wouldn't be as excited about my pregnancy and baby if my sister-in-law was pregnant, too. After confiding in my husband about all my worry and fear, he said "You have to stop. This is OUR baby. This will be your parents grandchild that they don't have to fight to see and they will love it and buy it more than what it needs and they will be so excited for us that they won't be able to contain themselves". You can't put YOUR life on hold just because it's not convenient for someone else. I'm sure your mother was in a state of shock and panic when she said that to you and certainly didn't mean it. I don't think I could be held accountable for the things that might come out of my mouth if I was in her situation. You're an adult and prepared for a baby. She probably reverted back to a frame of mind when you were still living in her home and thinking she would have 2 babies to take care of. Your mother will love your baby with everything she's made of. Stop worrying and live your life. Baby dust to you, my friend.

I can understand your frustration about your brother gf's age but does it really matter who has a baby 1st? I have 1 older sister, a younger sister and a brother. My sisters and I all have children, my brother(the youngest of us) was killed in a car accident 18 months ago, he will never get to have children now. My sister and I were actually pregnant at the same time, I didn't find it upsetting, or that the spotlight wasn't on me. I loved it. Ultimately a baby is just that... A baby, an innocent life that is brought into this world, regardless of whether you feel that it should have been you 1st, this baby will be YOUR niece or nephew, I had an ectopic 3 years ago when my younger sister was pregnant with her 3rd child, While I was grieving the child I had lost at no point did I have any ill feelings towards my sister or my beautiful nephew. As for your mum asking you not to get pregnant yet, she may be worried about the amount of support she will need to give your brother and doesn't want you to feel left out should you fall pregnant.